Have you ever reached a time in life you start to wonder, what's the point? Why keep trying? What's the rason to continue? I think I am losing interest in life, nothing seems worth the effort anymore...I can't find a reason to keep trying  I cancelled all my up coming appointments, I am just not understanding anything, just not happy inside anymore

Yes, I've certainly been at that point quite a few times.
Several times as a teen, I remember a really bad time in my 20's, and several since then.

I've learned that your bad feelings will pass, and there are some great times ahead. We all just have to hang in there though these times, till things look brighter.
Try and stay active, exercise really helps keep you from sinking down further.

There are better times ahead, there really are.
Hugs

Quote from: Frankie on September 30, 2014, 05:51:36 AM
Have you ever reached a time in life you start to wonder, what's the point? Why keep trying? What's the rason to continue? I think I am losing interest in life, nothing seems worth the effort anymore...I can't find a reason to keep trying  I cancelled all my up coming appointments, I am just not understanding anything, just not happy inside anymore

Happens so often and to so many people, that there's a word for it.

It's called depression.

Fortunately, it can be treated. Would you consider being evaluated for depression? (If you haven't already).

If your cancelled appointments were with Therapists,endo's and other people who might help you transition then uncancel them. You will get through this, it may seem impossible but you can do it and cancelling appointments that will help you progress will only put you at risk of feeling like this more.

As for today try to get out and get some sun, go for a walk. Also even though it may seem impossible try to smile, it is supposed to trick your brain into improving your mood.

Besides who wouldn't want to be around to see if Cindy gets on tv again

I was exactly there two years ago.  I had doubts, depression, anxiety and was at the end of my rope.  Making appointments to the therapist, psych and endo was the second hardest thing I ever did.  The hardest thing I ever did was actually showing up to them.  I almost turned the car around several times on the way to the psych and endo.  My life turned arond very quickly after that and I am grateful that I hung in there instead of driving off a cliff.

Your problem is most likely biochemical in nature.  Your brain is probably not getting the right amount of serotonin, dopamine and endorphines because it is not getting the right hormones.  Give yorself a chance.  You deserve it.

Life is worth living.  Just push throught these down times and open up to your therapist or close friends, about what is going on and someone may have dug themselves out of the same hole you are in now. Please give your self the chance at happiness.

I understand where you are coming from, Frankie! But I just live one day at a time, since I am 64 now, I may not be around much longer, anyhow, but the main thing is to try to enjoy life the best way possible. I feel I will never be passable, even with surgery that I can't afford, but I try not to think of it all the time and I seem to be ok with it for now, as there is nothing I can do about it, anyhow. I am hoping that you can get involved with activities that will make you happy and get through it.

I'm there right now. I was also there 16 years ago, back in 8 or 9th grade. it's funny because my therapist told me at the beginning that he has to notify someone if I'm at risk at putting myself in harm. So I try and act like I'm not as depressed as I actually am and I think I'm tricking myself too somehow. Also what keeps me going is a sick sense of YOLO mixed with "no one will know me in 1000 years so F it, let's do it - Because I am me and no one is going to care about what I want for myself like I am. And then I cry, and then I keep moving forward.

And watching funny movies at night helps too. Laughing is like a drug, can't share my laughing dosages but the more you laugh the better it is. 

Thanks everyone, I just keep thinking everything I love is gone...my wife, I use to tell her she was the angel that was sent to save me. I keep hearing her words ringing in my ears...that she hates me and don't want to be around me any more, I 'll never forget her words "Aren't you tired of failing? How many more failures do you need?" My home I worked so hard for....I am losing, I don't know where I may be living in 3 months. My kids 2 biological, 3 step, I haven't heard from my youngest in over a year, I helped raise these kids for 21 years now three out of five won't even talk to me, the other two I talk to once in a while on Facebook. I am so tired of being alone all time. The Bible says to bring your burdens to the Lord, I did that, I was honest, I spilled out my heart and soul, I held nothing back, then everything started to fall apart...I don't understand any of this, my mind just can't grasp whats happening. I keep looking back at my life and trying to figure out where I went wrong, I just can't see it, I just can't understand. I thought we were supposed to grow old together, I thought love would see us through anything, now I can't even see tomorrow, I seem to be living one hour at a time. Today I spent almost 13 hours at work, I didn't want to come home. I am so tired of trying, where did it get me? Now I realize I should have listed to my head, because my heart is stupid as s#%t. I'm almost 60 years old, we almost made it. Now I have to try to keep going alone. How I wish God would call me home.

It sounds like you need some allies, actual people in your area.

I hired a young ex military kid who kind of went through this with some of his dead comrades and the only way he could be pulled out of it is by people reminding him that he's here now. That's the way it is and you just have to move on. Even if it's one day at a time.  (I assume your family is still living)

My grandma on my moms side lived to be a hundred. One of the things I know that bothered her a little was her husband, and son died over 30 years before she passed away. She told me they're in a better place and so she made new friends and that you gotta keep living. I'm 90% sure she outlived all of her friends from when she was in her 60's too. She kept moving forward, what would you do if everyone you knew died?

I know it's tough. Find things to celebrate, and find new friends to celebrate them with. If my grandma were still alive today, she'd probably sit down with you, talk your ear off, and you'd be fast friends.

I've got a challenge for you Frankie, make two new friends that except you for who you are in the next three months. I also challenge you to go to a different gay bar once a month and buy 3 strangers in your age group a beer. You can even tell them you did it as a challenge. You only live once, right?

You'll be okay, just keep on moving forward. You've already jumped out of the burning plane, you might as well enjoy the view.

Kova you have a way with words . My faith will keep me holding on, I will not harm myself. Sometimes I just can't understand why I should keep trying. Why I should keep pushing forward. Sometimes my mind just can't understand and accept all this at once. I could deal with one or two of these issues much better, but all of them at one time gets to be overwhelming. About three weeks ago I was also in fear of losing my job, then suddenly I was offered a promotion, sort of a laterial-diagional move, I was an order picker in a warehouse then the boss came and offered me a position as a company driver, my paycheck doubled, that lifted a huge weight off my shoulders and will give me the chance to safe to find a place by the end of the year. It seemed like the perfect storm coming together and destroying my life, divorce, losing the house, the kids turning away, maybe losing my job, and the icing on the cake, this G.I.D. Maybe it's the depression talking, sometimes I just feel like giving up and letting the world drift by. I watched my dad give up, he died with a broken spirit. I made myself a promise when he passed that I would not let this world break my spirit. Can you tell I feel a little better today? I wish I did drink, go to bars and was outgoing enough to go out and make friends I would take you up on that challenge. I think I am getting more therapy right here on Susan's then going to an office to talk to someone, people on here get it, they understand, just look at all these great responses to my post! Each and everyone speaks from their own experience, I love being on here! Everyone here rallied and joined forces to help me! I can feel the love and acceptance on here The best part is I know everyone on here understands and either has or is going through the same things as me. Can I quote the theme song from Cheers? Sometimes you want go where everybody knows your name and their troubles are all the same. I just can't thank everyone enough for being here for me. I hope I can do this for someone else too. You all are helping me get through all of this.
Frankie

You keep plugging, you keep trying, keep praying and most importantly keep trying to believe that someway, somehow things will get better. That that long waited for miracle will be delivered. Provided you keep your eyes, mind, and heart open to seeing it.

I've been to that dark place. Why do I bother? What's the point? Am I an F'n self delusional idiot or what for even thinking that....? I essentially hit bottom. Lost my dream job, loosing my wife, had to move 3 states away to work, to have the cash flow to keep things going between a semi invalid wife and mortgage. Everything I defined myself by gone.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

It was a long and very difficult 6 years. I learned a lot about myself. I grew as a person. I prayed. Things eventually began to change. Still to this day I can get into a "WTF am I doing???" funk. I always need to keep in mind the hard lesson I came to realize after 50 some odd years....

I know what does not work

Thanks JoAnneB, This is exactly what I'm talking about and need, to talk to  and hear from people who have the same issues as me, who have been sand are going through the same things, they (You) understand. Thanks! Since I moved into my the driving position my spirits have lifted some, at least one thing has become positive and hopefully it will help to ease the others and help me to re-group and re-organize.