To start off, my name is Fenix and I am new to having an avatar, but an individual who has been checking the site for years. So, finally, ELLO!
Ok, "hypothetically" typing.. If you always identified as transgender since a very young age, but introduced to many forms of abuse became VERY closeted. I am a "spiritual person" and have come to a conclusion countless times that my transition is not based on solely on hormone treatment but the recognition of the me that I have always felt true to. This being the core of my intellect, mentality, spirituality and emotions.. Providing soil to become influenced by various areas of life. Including that being born this way, and presently attempting to follow intuition to transition can obviously add reassurance that I am, me. Ok, back to the spirituality and truama..
I feel that I am in a situation where I am dealing with my own "personal" problems: Career, school, going to the movies, a date, exploring, partying, (genuine) friends, growth spiritually, owning a home.. to me a simple life.. transition and where in this wide spectrum do I fit. That is the "personal".
Now add this flavor for horrific rising action, imagine being brought to the LGBTQIAA world, not ever being able to express yourself truly... shoot, you have things to work out... Ok, but while you enter, people decide to showcase you, your talents, thrive, TRANSITION, interest.. Draining it becomes.. Where the price of fame (unwanted) comes to haunt you.. Your name gains authority in the midst of numerous cities.. So not only are you dealing with "your" life.. You are being pushed to become a mainstream junkie, manipulated to fit society from stems of others idea of who you should be.. So, from the time you rest to the point till you wake.. The show is on.. You begin to withdraw, not revealing any part of yourself, just to have a sense of privacy.. You cannot breathe to follow the next step to become a more true part of yourself, explore the world without having a spectator subscribing to your every move.. To have everyone you come across have a hidden agenda, think they know who you are based on assumptions.. half truths, lies and complete misunderstandings.. Whew, forgot about transitioning, literally I did.. I feel to be a victim of exposing how intelligent an individual can be, identifying transgender while trying to transition and live a "normal" life. Only to have a backlash of different groups telling you who YOU are, you are gay, you are heterosexual... SIGH.. leave that.. We know generally how people can be, especially in a situation of many.. So my energetics have been blocked, but with this experience having literally no business kept to myself.. I have truly grown to love me.. flaws and all.. Also to find myself in the transformation I am continiously going through... To find my walk, talk (voice).. characteristics.. mannerisms I will lose and those I will gain.. however I shall manifest.. I am a person who has many blurred lines to the past, but has the vision to piece facts together to explain to the mass, not perfect but evolving ("growing up" for those who disbelieve), knows I am a woman of a different kind.. Here NOT to betray the heart of a man, steal his eyes, to create competition between genders across the spectrum.. or "show off". Embracing people as a whole, not holding expectations as to who they should and should not be.. Just to have this stay here in this forum.. (hmm how to round it off) So I think it is utterly rude, and plainly disrespectful to put someones business out there.. Include and introduce hundreds if not thousands of people into a single persons life.. To behave naively when that person refuses to engage and encourage the same behavior that has built to torture a person. Destroying a repetation to call someone crazy.. Ugh, being trans and having people ready to stare at your genitals.. YAY.. How fun....
