you always  hear transitioners  or  those contemplating transition as having this great fear of not fitting in with the general population. the reality though is there is such an enormous range of physical diversity in shapes and sizes of physical attributes. there is another trans in my neighborhood that I've seen since she went full time about 7 years ago. she went out and just did it. she's at least 6'2 and    not built like  a runway model. when I first saw her she had obviously just started hormones, now her face is that of a womans. she's obviously not Sigorney Weaver , but how many are. why are some of us able to just do it and others are so crippled by the fear.

I know for myself Stephanie I've always suffered with a need to be accepted. I'm petrified of not being accepted in life. It's really strange when I think about it because I'm a really confident person, stand up for myself and others and don't really give a damn what people think of me.... Go figure hey.

But I see what your saying and perhaps this is just another element of the diversity in our cultures. I mean some people are extroverts, others introverts (like me) and so I'm sure that plays a part. Some people can walk into a room and start talking with anyone, others find it more difficult.

But one thing I do know is that forums such as this and access to accurate information all help to give one the confidence to step out and be themselves.

I think it is because society pounds their idea of "normalcy" in us from birth. The very first thing you get in this world is "it's a boy/girl". So from minute one people are conditioned. Any variation out of that is non conformity and abnormal.

Fear.

As long as one keeps fear as a force in there life they will never get to smell the roses.

  It takes a lot of courage to step out of your envisioned comfort zone and of the cliff into the unknown.
In my case there was not a choice in order to stop the chaos in my mind and body I was driven to do it, the chaos was literally killing me.Anxiety,depression ,disabling panic attacks you name it I had it and none of it good.So 5 months before the inept VA system would ever ok me for HRT I went full time.That turned out to be the best decision I ever HAD to make it was really life or death for me.If it had not been for a total and completely chaotic meltdown most likely I would still be a closet TS and never know what I was all my life because before that I did not even know what transgender meant. DUH !  That's me smart as a rock.   Patty

Fear and shame.. Thankfully, most of the fear exists only in our heads and it can be moved past. What I see as a real issue that trans people seem to carry around a huge amount of shame, simply for being trans. Being trans is simply nothing to be ashamed of.. Put simply, it's a medical condition just like the 100's of others out there.

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on September 30, 2014, 10:27:41 PM
I think it is because society pounds their idea of "normalcy" in us from birth. The very first thing you get in this world is "it's a boy/girl". So from minute one people are conditioned. Any variation out of that is non conformity and abnormal.

Actually, society in general treats me pretty well, it's within the trans community that I'm made to feel nonconforming and abnormal - and it's not because I'm non-binary, it's simply because my attitude to being trans is very different to most..

Quote from: kelly_aus on September 30, 2014, 11:54:17 PM
it's within the trans community that I'm made to feel nonconforming and abnormal - and it's not because I'm non-binary, it's simply because my attitude to being trans is very different to most..

That's how I feel too, espesh about my attitude being diffrrent.
Sometimes I feel there is a peer pressure within the trans community that is detrimental to some trans journey's moving forward, or at least affecting some confidence and creating an amount of fear for some, that they won't fit in well enough within the trans community.

It's not a matter of being afraid of diversity, it's a matter of being afraid of being judged for that diversity.

I'm afraid that that height and big build is making people clock me as trans. And I'm afraid that if people know I'm trans they'll view me as a lesser human being, as a lesser or invalid woman, or at worst a freak. Same with tall cis girls, they aren't afraid of being different, they're afraid that people are seeing them as unfeminine or mannish or unlovable because of their height.

We all just want to be loved and accepted and seen as people of value by others.

I have no issue with diversity! I love it! I think it's amazing and should be celebrated! I do, however, fear. As mentioned already, I fear being read as a "freak" or less than is the issue. I am trying to work on my perceptions and be more optimistic though! There are infinite varieties of women and men, so I think that should be enough encouragement to "take the leap" and eventually get over the fear of judgement from others. 

Quote from: kelly_aus on September 30, 2014, 11:54:17 PM
Fear and shame.. Thankfully, most of the fear exists only in our heads and it can be moved past. What I see as a real issue that trans people seem to carry around a huge amount of shame, simply for being trans. Being trans is simply nothing to be ashamed of.. Put simply, it's a medical condition just like the 100's of others out there.

I also see it as a medical condition - I am a woman born with some anomaly, so I need a hormonal and surgical reconstruction of my body. Why am I still paranoid about being "out" or "outed" and thus try to not push the limits of diversity of female body shapes and voices? Mostly this is actually a social issue. If I could tell people I have a medical condition but they would jsut see me like that then - a woman with a medical condition - then I would be ok. Sadly they would see me as trans* instead - confusing transgender, ->-bleeped-<-s, drag queens, transsexuals, transgendersexuals and in the end switching in the back of their heads towards "she is really a he". Then they superficially treat me like a woman but in some ways they never will do so again. And that I just dont want.

And yes - I am not liked in some parts of the trans community either. Because I call it a medical condition, a "intersexuality of the brain" - and am not about lifestyle, life choices, transpride and such. I think people like me need medical help to correct the body discrepancy and thats it. I respect all kinds of being trans - but I dislike it when people claim we are all the same.

Stephanie, for me it was more than just not fitting in or feeling different.

It was being perceived as trying to be someone I'm not.

In our culture, the worst ridicule is heaped on people who are clueless to how unsuccessful they are. Women who don't know they're not pretty. Men who think they're suave when they're really tiresome. Etc. Our caricatures of mental illness so often involve someone who is incapable of perceiving reality.

And here I would be, a man who seems not to know he's a man. He seems to think he's a woman. I felt like I was opening myself up to that same ridicule.

Make sense?

For me it was the diversity of people that gave me hope that I would be able to pass as a woman. Despite 6'3" I rarely attract much attention. A few odd looks every now and then but are they "gosh what a tall dame" or "dude in a dress" or whatever? I'll never know but chose to believe they just see a tall woman. I've noticed tall cis women, some almost as tall as me so it's definitely a case of the diversity working in my favour.

It saddens me when I read some of the lovely gals here on this forum railing against themselves for being "ugly" when compared to a large percentage of cis women they're already many streets ahead in the looks department.

I'll agree that fear drives much of our insecurities. Fear plus cultural "norms" that are hideously wrong from a medical perspective. I'm not afraid to discuss that I am trans with someone whom I think needs to understand that and with whom I have to have an ongoing relationship. But I'm not going to shout it or out myself just at random either.

I understand that none of us want to be rejected, seen as freaks, or treated as such. So there's this huge desire to be as "normal" as possible. Yet going to the mall, sitting down and watching the women walk by will show you very quickly the great variety in natal females. Once I began to accept that, once I had one of my best female friends point out to me that most of my natal female friends are as tall or taller than me, I began to relax, a lot. And relaxing let me just be me, in women's spaces and roles, which furthered acceptance of me.

I went to work yesterday for the first time ever as Cara, as myself. I wondered if people would stare. It didn't happen. Our front desk receptionist didn't even recognize me. I flashed my employee badge (finger over the old male picture), smiled and kept on walking. Several other women just interacted with me as another woman, so far as I could tell. And the gentleman in HR who took my message and paperwork for my HR contact (she was at lunch) treated me as a woman. If any of those people suspected or thought anything, I didn't see it.

So my fears held me back for years and years, but now that I'm living that life, I see that most of my fears were unfounded. I blew things completely out of proportion in my own head for years and it's no one's fault but my own that I accepted such nonsense.

Quote from: anjaq on October 01, 2014, 06:13:02 AM
I also see it as a medical condition - I am a woman born with some anomaly, so I need a hormonal and surgical reconstruction of my body. Why am I still paranoid about being "out" or "outed" and thus try to not push the limits of diversity of female body shapes and voices? Mostly this is actually a social issue. If I could tell people I have a medical condition but they would jsut see me like that then - a woman with a medical condition - then I would be ok. Sadly they would see me as trans* instead - confusing transgender, ->-bleeped-<-s, drag queens, transsexuals, transgendersexuals and in the end switching in the back of their heads towards "she is really a he". Then they superficially treat me like a woman but in some ways they never will do so again. And that I just dont want.

And yes - I am not liked in some parts of the trans community either. Because I call it a medical condition, a "intersexuality of the brain" - and am not about lifestyle, life choices, transpride and such. I think people like me need medical help to correct the body discrepancy and thats it. I respect all kinds of being trans - but I dislike it when people claim we are all the same.

I always think the medical condition as my option if any one says any thing to me, but so far nobody has.

Which is my great "Reality Test" that I always share is to look around you when you stuck in the check out line at the grocery store on a Friday night or Saturday afternoon.