So, I know there's no way I can come out to my dad by just saying it, text, email or by my mum telling him.
I don't know why, but there's just no way I could do that. So, I came up with a plan.
My mum knows that I'm trans, and I really feel like I need therapy, so two birds one stone.
I'll speak to my mum about therapy, tell her I've been feeling depressed, if she asks I'll tell her I plan on talking about gender issues. Speak to the therapist about mainly gender stuff, might take a while but then (hopefully) get a diagnosis of gender dysphoria.
The therapist should share the diagnosis with my parents to recommend treatment, and bam! my dad knows.
Can't argue with it if a professional tells him, and he couldn't flip out because we'd be somewhere safe. Then, after this I can finally go full time, which I am sooo ready for but I just need my family to know.
Can't think of a batter plan, I mean there would even be family therapy there right away without asking him if he wanted to, they might just offer it.

Anyway, an actual question.
Does this sound like an ok plan, and how did y'all come out to family? Or more specifically the members you were terrified to come out to?
Could do with a second opinion on this, but it's the best idea I have yet. Thanks.

Sounds good to me.

It sounds ok in the sense he is getting a professional opinion first before you tell him. Pending how he is he may not believe the diagnosis anyway and go searching for a second opinion. But yeah the idea of using the  Dr's waiting room or office to tell him as it's a safe place is a good idea,  particularly if you are worried about a flip out. Warning you may just be delaying the inevitable.

How I told my mother: Similar situation to you picked a location I could control, (I'm someteen and a oh few months and I still don't want her getting mad at me). As both of us can be passionate volatile people I choose a public restaurant, this way we had to keep the conversation low and while not exactly civil at least it didn't turn into a full on screaming match

Good luck on telling your mum you want therapy,  that will be your first step once that is out of the way it won't be clear sailing but the ride will be a little smoother

It could work. Are your parents together? How do you know your mother won't tell your father?
I still have to come out to my mother.
I have my letter ready to give to her.
I'm over 18 and still live with her.
Also, my therapist recommended that I wait a few more weeks. I'll be getting my letter on the 21st and my endo appointment is 22 of this month. So I may just tell her after my Endo appointment to be on the safe side.
Good luck!

Thanks everyone
2fish : My parents are still together, and when I came out to my mum she asked me if I wanted her to tell my dad, I said no and she told me she wouldn't tell him. Also, good luck on telling your mum

Does your mother agree to this? It is awesome to figure out a way to get your father to know and having a way around it to do so directly, but I don't think you want to put someone in between it who accepts you for who you are and thus you want to keep close to you.

Also.. just curious but how come you are so afraid your father will flip? Your mother knows, your parents are most likely together having somewhat the same standards. If not people tend to clash and break up and if he flips, you got your mother on your side, right o.o?

I remember I was quite afraid to tell my stepbrother. Not sure why, I just had the feeling he would really change after I told them. Eventually I told him trough the mail while I was out of the house for a month and gotten only the closer with him after. If anything, he doesn't mind what I do at all and stands beside me the most of everyone I told it but I feel like I disappointed him by being so afraid to tell him. He somewhat mentioned it bothered him before. Sometimes people can really surprise you in a good way > _ <.

I haven't spoke to my mum about this yet, but she's a therapist herself so I don't think she'd object to my actually getting therapy. I don't plan on telling her this is how I plan on my dad finding out, I'd tell her I need therapy, which I do.

I don't know why I'm so scared to tell my dad, I guess it's cos I want him to approve. I want him to do father son stuff with me, like get a beer, watch wrestling, teaching me how to shave ect. and maybe if I tell him myself he won't take me seriously, I'm still his little girl to him.

I just think it is fair to tell your mother about it. People guess and think about it long before you came/come out. Your father might already be asking things to your mother now who, if your father doesn't know yet, lies for you/sticks up for you. It is only fair to trust her back then and keep her close. But that is just the feeling I got about it. I think in your household you are really lucky your mother stands beside you. Even if he disapproves then you got your mother right there next of you. You are not alone in this and that is great.

Your parents seen you in diapers and long before you could even talk, you were their little girl. That wouldn't change over day and especially because it been in your mind for years, they only just realized/confirmed it. I do not know how long you realize you are transgender but if someone told me about 7 years ago I would have to live as a woman starting from the next day, it would stress me out and I wouldn't like it at all. Because I wasn't ready for it yet.

Just stating my opinions, thoughts and experiences on this but just do what feels right for you. I just honestly think if you want someone to approve you that it will go a lot faster to tell them directly than when it is pushed in their face and there is no more way around it because you are already so far ahead of it. Imagine someone telling you their secret asking you to stand beside them, or you figuring it out a year too late when your opinion doesn't even matter anymore. Would you still feel as strongly to be there for that person then?

I don't know...

I feel like if I tell him he won't believe me, he'll brush it off as a phase or as me just being butch, my mum was similar. It's either I'm not masculine enough or straight enough or it's too late to realise now, and if he begins to think like that there's no reasoning with him. I feel like if there's a professional to back me up it'll help, because all though my mum is ok she doesn't come across as taking me seriously.
Thanks for the help btw