Ok let me explain what my ideal of validation and invalidation is. When I can look in the mirror and be sure that the person looking back is me. That I can walk down the street and not feel 2 inches tall or scared that someone is gonna' say something negative that will harm my self image. That when they do and they do sometimes, I am still self confident enough in myself for them not to let it destroy my whole day. And maybe just maybe say something that will change something in the way they think. No that rarely ever works but still... A more positive reaction from me may put a more positive image of the whole community in their own minds. That when I get home and look in the same mirror that I see the same person inside and out as I did that morning. Sill sure of myself, still confident and sure who I am.
Invalidation would be just the total opposite. When you look in the mirror, you aren't as confident with who you are. That if someone says something negative on the street it hurts you, its always gonna' hurt it is just a matter of how fast the wound heals. And how bad you let them effect you own self image, self confidence and how bad you let them turn a positive day or feeling into a negative day. That means to me that you are letting others control how you see yourself, fell about yourself and effect your Psyche, brought to you my "normal" society and so called seemingly "normal" people.
I am extremely lucky. I had to read books on psychology, no gender therapist anywhere near where I grew up. SO I really either had to accept myself or hate myself. I won't lie there are times I still hate myself and there're times that dysphoria takes over. But I can usually nip that in the bud before it blooms into a real monster.
I am so sorry because I know there are other here now that are going through what I went through a long time ago and believe me. I made it through and I am not uncommonly psychologically strong. Way far from being that. Some of you have heard me say quite a few times, society doesn't have to accept me. I don't have to accept society either. Maybe my disdain for society has made me look elsewhere for my own validity and I just happened to find it. Society has never really accepted me anyway and maybe that is why I have never really tried to fit in with society. Maybe those of us that have tried and actually could look like they fit in with society are the ones that are having the biggest problems. I never could fit even when I tried, and I've tried many times and always failed. And that is what helped me.
But we have all been shunned and hurt by society. We have been psychologically abused and in a lot of cases physically abused by society. That is why I tell everyone that they have strength that they have no idea they have. It's just a matter of finding it. I'm lucky because I found mine early on, but it still doesn't make me immune to dysphoria and lack of self confidence and question my own self image. But the bouts aren't near as severe and last that long. But that strength starts with you and being sure of who you are to yourself and not letting no one else take that self image away. Or to me it does anyway. If someone laughs at me, I don't get angry or mad or let it bring me down. I look at them and see a lot about them that I could laugh at or criticize but I don't. This lets me walk away feeling confident and strong. It hurts my feelings, no lie and I could very easily hurt theirs too. And learning to think like that gives me the control over myself and takes control away from the person that tried to make themselves feel bigger. Does any of this make sense?
For those of us that are just starting this crazy journey especially if ya'll have been able to sort of blend in with society, I won't lie, it is hard. Seeing yourself as you want to instead of the way other people decide to see you is extremely hard if we depend on others for our own self image. Once we can fully instill in our selves a self image of who we are and are confident in that then other people's vision of you doesn't matter as much anymore. But like I said earlier, I am not stronger than anyone else, as a matter of fact there are plenty that are way stronger than me. It is just a matter of learning how to deal with society and not looking to society to define who you are. Most "normal" people that I run across let society define themselves especially when it comes to gender. I know guys that hate watching football games, but they do anyway because it is expected of them.
I don't want to insult anyone or hurt anyone. To me everyone is a human being, not man or woman but another human and we are all unique and special. I believe that we have strength that the rest of society can't even comprehend all of us all across the spectrum.
