I wish my mind would calm; I thought it would when I started HRT but so far it hasn't: the sturm und drang is still sturm und drangy. I can go to relatively calm to raging bitch in an instant and my mind still works at 1,000 KPH. I worry about how I'm going to be able to afford all this crap and so far I don't see any way forward. I just know that I can't do anything by half because a half-life would be worse than what I have now. There are times the peace of death just sounds so appealing. I'm so tired sometimes. 

Foxglove hit the nail on the head.

And just to clarify, when I say that like half of my trans friends are still having problems, I want to clarify, they are NOT having regrets. They're just depressed because where they ended up is only a little better than where they came from in the first place.

In terms of transitioning "success," making the social and legal switch, settling in to a stable identity where they're happier with their bodies and have no intents of going back to being male socially, 9 out of 10 of my self-identified MtF friends "made it," with one additional friend realizing that she was more genderfluid rather than fully female, and one eventually "making it" but detransitioning in-between.

So if you look at transition "success" as successfully making the switch from one social gender to the other social gender, "success" is virtually a given. Once you get on hormones and start transitioning, and come out as such, odds are 90% or better that you're going to stay that way. It's only a 50% success rate if you look at the number of people who are still having problems with happiness despite "succeeding." (Who were basically stuck with the option of either being a depressed guy or a depressed girl.)

And again, usually it's not depression related to regret or being unhappy as their identity gender, it's depression related to life circumstances, family rejection, social issues, or still not being "female enough" for themselves and wishing that they could be cis.

Carrie and Foxglove

I ahare your view and perspective but understand that personal experience may lead to a different perspective

Aisla

Well I just broke a damn nail so there u go!!  Never worried about that before... usually happens when all my nails get to a nice length then wham.. there goes one..
Oh Well
Back to the subject.. after relaxing and reading more. 
My therapist kind of puts it this way for me.. and I am different from others or maybe the same..
I managed to cope... she says I have a happy brain.. and was able to find ways to cope well but I was living a total lie.
She says it takes a lot of energy to be someone u are not.. and that my marriage and business success was amazing.. raising two kids and being a great hubby.
When I look back now.. I feel so sorry for me when I see pics of that dude.. the stud I was.. although most men would love to have been me....
Now, being a woman.. thats a hell of a lot harder than being a dude.. dang... the clothes.. the worry about our looks... makeup.. Eyeliner.. I hate putting that on..
Wow would I love to just be a dude.. but I am not... I have no idea why for sure... but I never have been ....
Like being on the other side of a glass panel watching other  women live their lives.
Could be so much worse.. could have been born with a worse condition.
So, I am trans.. I will be the best I can be as a chick.. I will thrive.. I am not done in business either.. I will make it but its about attitude.
Therapist says you were a bad ass dude but watch out world when you are yourself...
And I believe her.
Its not easy.. its a real bitch and not easy to change sexes.
I have so much respect for everyone who does this..the LGBT community..
I have no respect for those who out of ignorance hurt the transgender community.. its hard enough without them...
I think the success rate will sky rocket in the decades to come..
Carrie

Back when I went through it all (1960s & early 70s) I knew a few dozen TS people and only one who escaped before me. On the other hand, I knew of nearly a dozen TS funerals through those years. I never stuck around so I don't know what became of everybody.

The biggest problem back then was that SRS was EXTREMELY hard to come by and ridiculously expensive before Dr. Biber came on the scene.

Even if it's a small percentage, I plan on being in it. I will fight tooth and nail for what makes me happy, I decided that long ago. I am quite literally willing to die in pursuit of my happiness. 

I fear that some think transition will solve all their life's woes. It doesn't. It addresses one problem - gender dysphoria.

If you're introverted, you'll likely still be introverted. If you're socially inept, you'll still have to develop social skills.

Transitioning won't make you into Miss Perfect (or Mr. Perfect, for transguys). It will simply help alleviate one specific problem you had beforehand.

Further, this is exactly why we should continue therapy ever after transition. Sometimes we reach a point where our therapist says we don't need further therapy, but lots of times that's not true, especially after just arriving in a new social space. My therapist says I'm doing great but honestly, I like being able to ask a neutral party pointed questions and have her ask me some to make me think in ways I've not done before.

Well, having read through this entire thread I have actually been able to answer a few questions I've been pondering lately about myself. First of all for me socially transition is for the most part complete. I've been living full time for the past 6 years now and am accepted in my community as the woman I've always been. My gender is never questioned not even by those few who knew me before this sleigh ride began 6 years ago. I've never been called a "->-bleeped-<-" or any other slang word, and I live in a pretty rural area of NorthWest Central Florida full of rednecks and crackers. I've never had any trouble "passing," when I leave my house it is the furthest thing from my mind despite my having only been on hrt for a little over 9 months now. I'm seen by my neighbors and friends as just one of the girls, which is more than I'd ever hoped for.

As for hrt, the changes it has brought about, and continues to bring about both inside and out have been nothing less than miraculous restoring my youth somewhat and enhancing my existing feminine features. And these changes are still ongoing. Hrt has also helped me find my voice not too long ago and I am gendered correctly on the phone which has been a great boost to my self asteem. Is there cosmetic facial and other surgery in my future? Prolly yes. But before deciding on any of these I will wait the outcome of 2 years on hrt in order to allow it more time to work it's magic. However I can prolly guess at the very least I'll need a facelift and Rhinoplasty before I'll truly be happy with my face. But these are minor issues and no matter how great their outcome may be, it won't affect my being seen and accepted as a woman to others for I already am.

In everything mentioned above I consider myself very lucky for I see many who don't have it nearly as easy as I have. In so many ways I have already made a successful transition. But have I?
No, for there is one thing that remains that I'm reminded of every single time I take a bath or shower, or use the bathroom despite the fact that in my case I don't need any special garments or devices underneath my panties to appear as any other normal woman does. But I know what's there even if other people don't, and therein lies the crux that makes me incomplete, still a "partial" woman, I'm not whole, and never will be whole until I have the proper genitals.

So you could say that in my every day life and with regard to social acceptance, and in appearance I've made a successful transition. I live my life day to day pretty much as the average woman does. However, until I am made whole downstairs, I myself cannot say I've successfully transitioned. SRS for me is an absolute necessity. And, until I've had my surgery I will never be able to accept myself as the woman I've always been.

So, having said all of the above, what exactly constitutes a successful transition? From my personal experience, and my experience here being a member of this wonderful community of ours, there are many answers to that question. I believe the closest we can get to an answer is beyond the social and other standards. It is when you, the individual feel most comfortable and happy with yourself both inside and out. Sadly for me that can't happen until I've had my SRS. No, I don't look at this surgery as something that will fix everything. But it will make me whole, and that is what is important to me. The other issues are minor to me in comparison.

I address the suicide question only because I have been there, twice. And both times I felt I was backed into a corner with no way out. No way to be me. Faced with constant misery, despair, and heartache, my fight was gone, all used up, and the thought of going on was so unbearable it was just easier to pull the plug. With the difficulties I've been having lately with finding the right surgeon and getting my surgery scheduled those thoughts have re-emerged out of my past and have had me asking myself, will I make it to what I consider for myself a successful transition, and at this time my only answer is; I dunno. If I can't get it done through insurance the odds against me are insurmountableBut I'll keep going until I can fight no more.

As for percentages who actually "made it?" I think that will depend greatly on the definition of "made it."

Peace everyone

Ally

Quote from: lightvi on October 07, 2014, 07:21:29 PM
Even if it's a small percentage, I plan on being in it. I will fight tooth and nail for what makes me happy, I decided that long ago. I am quite literally willing to die in pursuit of my happiness. 

Wow, that's such a personal question, and can only be answered by each woman. While there's such a perceived advantage for pretty women, and just those who have 'passing privilege', some women have passed wonderfully in others' eyes, from their family and friends to the outside world, but felt so miserable inside they killed themselves because they couldn't live with the fact that they were born with a penis. Then there are others who don't pass in other people's eyes and are looked at as an embarrassment by their own family and it no longer concerns them. I feel blessed and lucky to always pass, but it's been work to get where I am. To have a voice that passes is another bit of good fortune, but before I transitioned I really had little to no idea how much time and money it takes to be the kind of woman I am now, but only faintly envisioned before transition. I'd definitely say I've been successful in my transition, at least socially and in my own eyes, but like Ally, my body and mind won't be complete till GRS. I sound confused but I'm not.
     I have hepatitis C from my heroin addiction, but so far my liver's pretty good and I'm hopefully going on the new drug to cure it soon, but I've already decided I'll never de-transition, and they're going to have to bury me in one of my dresses, even if it kills me. On the other side is certain death by my own hand, one way or another. It would probably be with a gun, if not that, drugs and alcohol, because I'd proven for forty years straight that I was nothing more than a male impersonator and I'm really quite happy, despite being in a great deal of pain virtually every waking moment. I'm positive I'll be even happier after GRS, a BA, and getting my hip, back and knee repaired. I can't imagine all the pain I'm going to have to go through to get there, though. I'm going in a little while to apply for my passport, which is the next thing I have to get to get to my ultimate goal of GRS.