I usually get really bad dysphoria about my chest area, but then for special events I wear dresses and padded bras and heels, and on a good day, it don't even feel too awkward. I always feel ridiculous wearing feminine clothes, makeup, etc. but when it comes to things where I have to look feminine, I go all out and my dysphoria fluctuates. There are days- even normal days with no special occasion- when I wear a padded bra and some makeup and I can't decide if it's because I actually like dressing like that or if there are some days when I just can't stand to be different. Also, it makes me happy when people who don't know me use male pronouns but it's even better when they go "sir.. I mean ma'am- I mean..." or something like that. And then about my second question: My voice is really high pitched and always makes it obvious that i was born female, so would a doctor ever put me on T just enough so that I have a more androgynous look and sound or is there another way to do that? I'm not even sure that I want an androgynous look or if I just want to be a man. I'm just confused...

I know a lot of doctors will let you do basically a low dose transition. Put you on a low dose of T and let you decide how far you want to do with your transition. The good thing is T works fairly slowly so it's possible to stop taking it before too many big changes happen, if that's what you want. Like some people will go on T long enough for their voice to drop and then either go on a lower dose or get off T completely.

Probably standard response but...

I would suggest looking into therapy before even thinking about testosterone if you are questioning.

Quote from: AeroZeppelin92 on October 10, 2014, 05:15:28 PM
Probably standard response but...

I would suggest looking into therapy before even thinking about testosterone if you are questioning.

Good point. I'm in therapy but not with a gender therapist yet because I'm a teen and not exactly out (mostly because I still don't know what to come out as). I'm mostly just thinking about for future reference.

I'm of the opinion (as well) that it's too soon. If you are gender fluid, you may find T upsetting or wonderful depending. I'd suggest trying to find another therapist that's more knowledgable and doing a little research. If you are young, well you are young. This site is good as well, though I also suggest the non-binary forum (not that you aren't welcome here).

A good place to learn, though this person is gender neutral vs gender fluid is this site:
http://neutrois.me/


--Jay

I remember watching a Youtube video of a transman interviewing a genderqueer woman who was on T to get her voice to be at a neutral level. I think some therapist who are open minded will do what you want. But T comes with other irreversible effects so that's something to be considered.

I am not at all against the whole idea. I know a lot of guys who do get on T for more "emotional reasons" than to really change physically. But the thing is that there could really be physical changes that you basically need to be okay with, as you have no control what/which changes you do get. I agree that many therapists are more open minded nowadays about this. So you need to find someone competent to talk to re: these issues. There are Skype therapists if you can't find someone locally.

--Jay

Quote from: makipu on October 10, 2014, 08:45:08 PM
I remember watching a Youtube video of a transman interviewing a genderqueer woman who was on T to get her voice to be at a neutral level. I think some therapist who are open minded will do what you want. But T comes with other irreversible effects so that's something to be considered.

Some things to consider and possibly discuss with a therapist.

1. It's uncommon, but some cis women want their breasts removed because they dislike them so much. And many cis women are quite uncomfortable dressing/presenting femininely. These don't necessarily equal "you're trans".

2. If what you're experiencing is in fact dysphoria and not another kind of discomfort, bear in mind it IS something that fluctuates. There are good days and bad days, and there is such a thing as (consciously or otherwise) temporarily suppressing it to get through a situation. How else would so many people on this site be in their 40s or older before finally concluding they can't suppress it anymore because it's destroying their quality of life? If sex dysphoria is present, the fact that it isn't perceived 100% the same at all times doesn't necessarily equal "genderfluid".

3. There are so many ways to explore this issue that are completely, entirely reversible. Going straight to hormones to experiment - which can cause irreversible effects faster than one might expect - is not a good idea. If it turns out what you've been experiencing isn't dysphoria at all, and you go on cross-sex hormones, this can actually CAUSE dysphoria. First consider trying:

Wearing "male" undergarments like boxers or briefs - this is completely unobtrusive and a common first step for that reason
Wearing a binder - with your usual feminine clothing, and with other clothing, so you can tell how you feel about looking flat-chested vs. how you feel about different clothes
Dressing/presenting in a more neutral or masculine way - with and without a binder
Getting a unisex or masculine haircut
Asking a few trusted people to help you explore these issues by addressing you with male or gender neutral pronouns for awhile, and/or a different name
Participate in a message board and introduce yourself as a guy, see how it sits with you for people to address/refer to you as male
Vocal exercises to slightly deepen the voice, and/or working with a voice coach to see how you'd feel speaking in more neutral or masculine speech patterns
Wearing a packer

4. Back on the topic of T. How much research have you done into the effects? It doesn't just deepen people's voices, and there's no guarantee which order you'd get certain effects. You might sprout more body or facial hair first. You might get genital growth (enlargement of the clitoris). Your hairline might change. And bear in mind, T won't make breast tissue go away - that has to be done with surgery. Check out this link for details on the effects of T.

http://www.ftmguide.org/ttherapybasics.html

Basically everything Blink said is fantastic. That #3 point with all the ideas for basically trying on the male gender is fantastic. If you find that you have way less dysphoria that way, or it makes you feel great, or it just seems right... well maybe that will help you decide how you identify. I've done a lot of those things and they helped quite a bit.

And yeah, you can get on T if you're non-binary. It depends on the provider, what standards of care they use, and how prepared you are (emotionally, knowledge-wise, physical health, etc). But there's no rush. You have plenty of time to explore in other ways.

Also, maybe see if you can check out an all-trans support group that is open to both binary and non-binary trans folk. I go to one and it's fantastic, I can be male-identified one week and gender-fluid the next if I feel like I need to explore both of those identities.