First recall wanting to be a girl around 3 or 4.  Decided to transition last month at age 29.

When I was 12 and in the sixth grade. I've kind of been in denial about it up until about a month ago but now I feel like there is no way that I could possibly live as a man.

Just realised this year, at 27. Looking back though it makes sense of a lot of feeling I had much earlier.

I accepted I am most likely trans recently. Looking back I knew very young I wanted something different but never knew what that was.

When I was 5 YO a very beautiful woman did my makeup for a figure skating event. I can still smell her perfume and remember her telling me how great I looked with it on and that I had perfect lashes. I can't describe how amazing it felt having mascara, lipstick and eyeshadow on my face that day. I still have the pictures to be honest. I remember asking my mom to do my makeup a few days later but having her tell me that only girls wear makeup and I was a boy, and when they did my makeup it was "just for fun". Well, it was "just for fun" (fun that happens every day now )

Ever since that day I was jealous of girls and the "fun" they are allowed to have just for being born with the right gender. Also, my sister and her friends painted my nails sometime around here as well. That feeling of having my nails painted and the tightness of the polish drying on my fingers was so cool and I remember it being the best feeling. Again my soul was crushed when I kept being told that this was only for girls. I didn't listen and secretly started doing my nails around 9 or 10 years of age. From this age on I recall being more interested in makeup, polish and fashion than "guy things." A secret probably not so secret in retrospect. Growing my hair out at 13 to my shoulders and buying makeup from the local drugstore in a small town probably betrayed my hidden passion, but I somehow still managed to be in denial until recently.

Now in my 30's and typing this with my fingers blue and staring at my pink toes, I still feel excluded from this special club as the fingers blue will come off in the morning before I start my day and my toes will be hidden from everyone but my wife.

I want so much to be a part of the club that gets to have "fun everyday."

I am 40. Just now letting myself change. I knew ever since I learned that the computers were watching me / us. (late 70s). Well, thats when I knew for sure. But I hid it.  Knowing that the computers can use use facial features, gait, mannerisms, vocal patterns, eye responses and many other techniques to identify people and their interests. Knowing also that the computers have the capabilities to store and retrieve that data better than any human that you come in contact with. (a confused human will forget you after time) Knowing how computers would advance over time. Thinking about the computers ability to observe and classify people into groups. I then questioned which group I would classify into. I knew I was girlish or maybe even alien. ( RIP Mork "Robin Williams") I knew society at that time would not accept it. "80s" I even told therapists how I felt (yes, as both girl and alien), but back then "OH BOY! We are not talking about this here...!" So I mimicked my male friends, added a bit of clown/alien/scientist and blended the best I could for 30+ years. If Doctor Who regenerated into a girl with a penis... that would be me! Brilliant! Looking back now, I never could get the male act down right... People always said I was strange, weird, trippy, insightful, and crazy smart. I am now 40, and I realize I don't want to act anymore. No more pretending. My body is changing again on its own now, and I am to old to stop it. I know with the latest in forensic technologies and recognition software, I can no longer hide my dominant girl side from the computer. IT knows and I will forever be classified. There are so many devices watching now, and they will only become more prevalent. I am working on recognition software for a few companies. (I can't give too many details since I am under NDA) What I can say is that these latest technology and techniques classify me as a female 90% of the time, even thru clothing. I can try to walk different or stand and sit like a guy but it is uncomfortable. I can scowl and frown and throw the face scanners off make it register as male, but doing that for years has left sad lines on my face. This last year, I started taking care of my body and my face/skin. Something I neglected since my late teens. To fit in as a guy, I always had to look crappy / grungy (worked out good in the 90s). Getting healthy and making myself look good now was like peeling away a mask. Underneath is this beautiful woman / alien. I have been hiding her so long. I did have many fun times throughout the years and I don't regret any of it. If I could go back in time and transition in my teens, I don't think I would do it. Times were different back then, and I experienced so many wonderful crazy things. Things that make me who I am now. I would like to think I paved the path for others who did do not quite fit in. I walked around with my long hair and my hat and trench coat, spreading joy where ever I went.  Sure I got picked on some, but I would turn it around into something funny. Usually the people picking on me became my friends. I am glad things are changing now for those deeply in dysphoria. There are people willing to talk about it now. There is more evidence now that this can stem from chemicals or other exposures that happened during our mothers pregnancy or our early childhoods. More evidence that this phenomenon is happening across multiple species. More evidence that this is happening more often these days. Some day I hope there will be no more shame and no more reason to hide for anyone who is born with the wrong gender.

Love,

I knew I was different to my friends when I was a teenager, but I had no idea why or exactly how I was different. I just was. I suppressed all thoughts I had of being a girl whilst a young adult and only when I was 34 truly came to terms and accepted my true self.

34-ish

I hate to think like this, but when I hear other trans folks talking about how they've always known they were trans, I feel like I'm "not a true trans person" or "not trans enough" because I realized/accepted my trans status at a later time in my life (age 20).
I know it's silly to think that way, though.

4

Quote from: Mitchell the Deathbell on October 12, 2014, 12:24:59 AM
I hate to think like this, but when I hear other trans folks talking about how they've always known they were trans, I feel like I'm "not a true trans person" or "not trans enough" because I realized/accepted my trans status at a later time in my life (age 20).
I know it's silly to think that way, though.

Don't think that way, sweetie. I promise you there are a TON of trans people who realized later in life. And it doesn't change a thing.

I always get jealous of the trans girls who dressed up in girl clothes when they were younger, or tried on makeup. I would have been such a cute little girl... *sigh*

Quote from: Pikachu on October 12, 2014, 01:15:33 AM
I always get jealous of the trans girls who dressed up in girl clothes when they were younger, or tried on makeup. I would have been such a cute little girl... *sigh*

Well, it wasn't so fun when you got busted afterwards. I was never whooped for it. But I always got bitched out. But I didn't really care at the time and I just kept doing it anyway. That was until age 12 where I finally gave up. Then I just began to hate myself, life and everyone around me. It especially sucked that I couldn't have long hair. The ironic thing was that my parents assumed that it was due to the fact that I had just begun to listen to all of these speed metal bands.  Nothing could have been further from the truth.

I haven't voted in this poll because I don't really know how to.  It's hard for me to say whether or not I knew I was trans.  There were times in my teens, again in my 20's, again in my 30's when I could have faced up to my issues if I'd chosen to.  But I chose not to, and I'm pretty good at keeping things buried.  It was only a few years ago that I finally admitted to myself that I'm trans.  What a waste of a life.

I was 21.  It was actually because of nursing school: we were discussing in class different types of surgeries, and I got curious and decided to Google SRS.  That lead to reading about trans individuals... then watching YouTube transition slideshows... then reading testimonials...

Then there was a huge "OOOOOOOHHHHHHH THAT'S WHY I HATE MYSELF ALL THE TIME!" moment.  For once in my life, the depression, the self-loathing, always wanting to play with dolls, always wanting to dress up, and self-esteem that frequently bumped the ocean floor made sense.  Been a different (better) person since then.

Toodles from TN,
Ales

I have always felt some sort of dysphoria for as long as I can remember, so probably 6 or 7 years old.   As for how old I was when I realized I am trans, that moment of self acceptance and realization came earlier this year at age 36.