I'm tired so tired I can't remember the last time I've felt alive, I'm either going to die by suicide or something else, the latter might be my imagination but what do I know.

Everything in my home and around me is dying, I once had a beautiful relationship with my mother. We now hate each other as mortal enemies do, I fear for my life as much as I want it to end and not end...it's kind of like that line in the the song Bohemian Rhapsody "I don't want to die but sometimes wish I never was born at all".

I hate everything, I don't even know anyone in real life or online who would care about me (except maybe one person, you know who you are).

Big hug! I wish I could take some of the hurt for you, hon. I mean that.

Hugs, Devlyn

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling down, hon. I don't think there's much I can say that I haven't already said, but I do hope you find happiness in your life. Maybe if the city isn't giving you any joy it might be time for a change to help get you unstuck. On a side note, I really like your latest avatar - you look great and your necklace is very pretty.

Ive felt the same and been close to checking out myself but looking back so glad i didnt. Love yourself, i care about you so now 2. Pm me and ill visit anytime. You are not alone.

Hugs, Donna. Sending good thoughts your way.

I'm not a doctor, but it sounds like you're suffering from depression. What you describe is exactly what people I know have said when they tell me how depression feels to them.

Depression is an illusion. It fools you into thinking there's no hope and nothing ever could change. It isn't true. You may not see the way forward, but the way is there. Your depression is hiding it from you. I know it doesn't make it feel any better, but please try to keep that in mind anyway.

The world would be a less nice place if you weren't in it.

I'm sure you're over exaggerating, empathy is practically universal for our species save for sociopaths so the odds are in your favor. Also, I care as do others in this thread. Family sometimes just grows apart but that's the beauty of friends; they can be your new family and can sometimes even exceed your expectations of what family members should be.

It's so easy to fall into an endless pessimist rut because it feeds itself. You could try changing stuff up, meet new people, try something new like mountain biking, urban exploration and trying different types mood altering substances.

If you fear for your safety maybe you should buy something to defend yourself like mace, a tazer, knife, bullwhip, black jack, firearm (check your local laws) etc. Maybe a self defense class? I hope your start feeling better!

I can't stand it, I feel like I have to scream somewhere but I feel voiceless at the same time.

I'm living in a horrible home situation, I fight with my mother almost on a daily basis and I'm broke and too ant social to do anything about it.

She threatens me all the time, it's something I can't stand all this time I didn't want to admit he was right but he totally is, he being my father.

I am in every way a let down and a friendless loser. No one cares about me, seriously I never knew someone could be this much of a failure if I didn't live this life of mine,

I'll reply to your comments later, sorry I'm losing it.

Hon, you are not a friendless loser. You are way farther than I am and you have plenty of friend here. If you are a loser then I must be scum of the earth and I refuse to be scum so you are not a loser OK?

Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes it is happy. That is why we have the Blues and why we have Bubblegum Pop. I would rather play the Blues so I wallow in my own self pity. You don't have to though. You are a beautiful young woman full of potential. You just need to believe that. I do. I have faith in you and you need to have that faith in yourself. But you are not a loser, I said so. OK? If anyone here is a loser it is me and I will fight you for the title.

Quote from: Donna Troy on October 19, 2014, 12:52:22 AM
I'll reply to your comments later, sorry I'm losing it.

Donna, please don't ever apologize for your feelings. They're yours and they're real.

Your post makes it clear how painful and difficult your situation is. There are solutions, of course, but when you're in that kind of pain, it becomes a struggle even to think of the possibility.

I've been getting to know you through your posts for more than two years now. I know you have the strength within you to find your way to a better place. If you can, please keep this thought in your heart as a ray of hope.

Hugs from me. I'm here and I care.

I'm not going to kill myself, but right now I am just fantasising about dying and I think I would die with a smile on my face for I will be free. I just have to say it somewhere because in my home I am crippled from speaking my mind.

I don't care anymore, it's all a waste of time forever I will be in metaphorical chains.

Quote from: Donna Troy on October 26, 2014, 02:55:59 AM
I don't cars anymore, it's all a waste of time forever I will be in metaphorical chains.

Forever is a very long time. The world can go on just like it is for months, years, maybe decades, and then suddenly some little twist will make everything change.

Donna

You seem to be spiralling with D.
I have been through some enormously difficult times in my life as well, many beyond words which shocked therapists and all I can say is don't let yourself be a victim in all of this.
I have seen the darkness twice in my life due to medical conditions and can say don't let it win.

It can seem insurmountable but sometimes it is taking one small step that can turn things around.
Take control of something you can do and not what you can not. Do something for you, do something for someone close and see their gratitude. I can do wonders.
It doesn't have to be a big thing so start small and don't stare into the darkness.
There is nothing there.

Hugs, you are not alone.
Jen