I'm not sure what to do. I'm pre-everything and not living with my parents but instead with my grandmother who is my guardian as long as my parents are not here. They visit sometimes, though.. they just don't live with me because of work in another place. Like I said I'm pre-everything but I pretty much look like a boy and pass most of the time. This is partly due to my (good) luck with genetics being pretty hairy and being skinny enough to have some sort of a baby adam's apple and the rest of it is all in my appearance as how I've chosen my mannerisms, hair, and clothing. All of my clothes are pretty much things I've gotten from the boys'/men's departments and I don't wear anything feminine. I don't even wear "female" clothing that is masculine (i.e. female-cut flannels like I used to). Heck, I don't even wear feminine underwear. Women's briefs are probably the most feminine thing in my underwear drawer. The rest of it is boxers etc. I didn't go from wearing women's stuff to men's overnight, in fact I gradually worked men's things into my wardrobe up until the point of wearing men's clothing 99% of the time. I get pegged as a guy pretty much in a lot of situations and this absolutely drives my mother and grandmother insane whenever they're out in public with me. As I mentioned before, I gradually began wearing more masculine clothing and as this was happening my grandmother started to call me out on it more and more and more. It's come to a point where present day she keeps arguing with me about this topic. I don't know what to do anymore and due to my situation I can't come out because my family is Conservative Christian not to mention they've never really been supportive of me except in areas that I excelled in that pleased them (i.e. Academics.. I'm a straight A student). I was raised by my grandmother so I am much closer to her than even my parents and I've always had a feeling of detachment from my family.. this is part of the reason why I don't think I can have children one day because I don't think that I would be able to raise one based on how I was raised (that's a whole other topic though).

Okay, so that's a bit of background information. I mentioned my problem, which is not knowing what to do at this point because I'm feeling more and more oppressed as time goes by. And I will never dress in women's clothing because that makes me so uncomfortable.. I'm most confident when I am comfortable and I would never be able to "pretend" to be a girl and wear that kind of clothing even if it means pleasing my family. I'd rather be true to myself than be a fake to please another. But I simply don't know what to do anymore. I'm still dependent on my family and won't be able to move out or anything like that. What should I do? What should I tell them each time they chastise me about my appearance?

My social skills are subpar, take my ideas with a grain of salt.

Have you asked them - in a serious, non-sarcastic, non-defensive manner - why they are so persistent in complaining about your clothing selection? Sometimes when made to actually think about why they're doing something, people realise they've been doing something stupid for no good reason.

You mentioned they are highly conservative. Are they aware at all that they may want to "count their blessings" in terms of what you choose to wear and its potential to displease them? If you were a girl you could be wearing (sorry this will be unpleasant to read) short skirts and low-cut blouses, for instance. I'm sure that wouldn't thrill them either. Maybe point this out, with your preference in clothing you are well-covered/"modestly" dressed.

Are you able/willing to straight up tell them, you're going to wear what makes you comfortable, so they can either keep making things unpleasant by kvetching or accept it and have a more peaceful relationship with you?

I have been/am in a similar situation.

My only real piece of advice that I think is truly helpful: Hold your head up and survive.

Also, you are currently dependent on them... but can that change? If you find a good job, friends who need roommates, and a car you can afford, would you be able to move out? If so, it might be worth it to start such a process.

If you ever find yourself desperate to get out, there are sites like the trans housing network that can help you find temporary places to couchsurf.

My home is abusive in addition to oppressive, so we might be in different situations - though I hold no assumptions as to whether your situation is or is not abusive. That's up to you to define. But these were all things I've thought about/I'm working on, so I thought I'd pass them along.

@Blink; Your advice is helpful, so I dunno what you mean I have definitely asked them about why they keep inquiring about my appearance and they all think I've gone mad or I'm a closeted gay or something. It infuriates me but I keep a level head about it. I had a long talk with my grandmother a couple days ago about how it's a good thing that I am comfortable with this kind of clothing instead of very "showy" clothing and that I prefer modesty over that.. and I think she might be coming around a little because yesterday she complimented my outfit. So it's been getting a tiny bit better.

@Piano; I'm keeping that phrase dear to me, it's what's keeping me moving forward. I won't back down of course. And it'll be a while before I get out of the dependency from them so I can't do much.

Thanks for the advice guys.

the reason for wearing comfortable clothes is mostly that they're comfortable.
maybe the real question here is why it's bad that you look like a guy in those clothes?
your grandma might be easier to talk to about that.

maybe it's a good thing that you don't look attractive to (straight) guys.
what if you're dressing like you do partly to avoid attention from the opposite sex and remind yourself to focus on your studies...?
(as to not mention the actual realest reason)

Quote from: Taka on October 13, 2014, 09:23:05 AM
the reason for wearing comfortable clothes is mostly that they're comfortable.
maybe the real question here is why it's bad that you look like a guy in those clothes?
your grandma might be easier to talk to about that.

maybe it's a good thing that you don't look attractive to (straight) guys.
what if you're dressing like you do partly to avoid attention from the opposite sex and remind yourself to focus on your studies...?
(as to not mention the actual realest reason)

Yeah, that's been my explanation almost every time. I tell them I wear these clothes because I feel most comfortable in them and most confident. They probably think it's bad if I look like a guy because they think it's embarrassing for me to get pegged as a guy in public when I'm a girl to them. Which is kind of frustrating from both ends but it's alright.