Hi!
I would like to ask you about your experience with starting hrt.
At the beginning - I have got a prescription in August, but till now I haven't bought anything and started it. I am just postponing buying it and start it. :/

Don't think that I am not sure of being ts (mtf). I think about it everyday and it's exhausting me that I can't push myself to do it. It's just a fear of starting it (having this whole change).

My parents are not supporting me. I have asked doctor about it - I was asking when to tell them that I've started hrt. He proposed that I should tell them after a few months of hrt when the results will be visible. I think that this fear is also from that I will have to move out after saying it to my parents (just thinking that it will happen).

Here's my question - have you pushed yourself to start hrt, or you just wanted it asap so much without thinking of any consequences?

I'm just scary about everything and sometimes I think that maybe this fear is from thoughts that maybe hrt and transition is not for me and that's why I'm frightened? :/

Thanks for advices in advance.

Hi Emma, I started HRT on August 5th and I haven't regretted a day of it. I really had to push myself, its quite scary after all
and even though I have noticed some results, the reality is that no one around me has really noticed until I draw their attention to it. You have nothing to fear about it outing you for at least the first few months, and if anything HRT will give you more of an idea of what you really are
I no longer question whether I am trans*, or that I am a woman, that element of worry has completely vanished from my mind, obviously the dysphoria's still there, but now I have no doubts about whether this was right for me.

Its a hard step, and one that causes many a lot of restless nights...but the reality is once you start taking them its really anticlimactic, you can't really feel them and the calm that I experienced after only a few weeks was something that I've personally never felt before.

I was terrified before I started, but I don't regret my decision a single bit
Hope this helps

There is nothing that says you have to do it now. You do it when you are comfortable. I spent the last 40 years hiding from myself. But I had some great times and would not change that. Even now I am scared. I keep delaying seeing the therapist. They creep me out. If I could take the meds without having to see a DR I probably would of started a few weeks ago to see how it made me feel. The doctors creep me out just as bad as therapists. And the (whole big change) part is blowing my mind as well. I have seen other posts like this and read about "sooner the better" and "Sorry I waited" but I think taking time to sort thing out in your own mind before doing it is probably just as important as the changes that will happen whichever path you pick. I don't have the answers for you and for that I am sorry. I just want you to know that there are others here that are scared too. We are standing a junction, which path do we pick? I am scared too. I have not even had the courage to discuss HRT with doctors.

I took my first pills the very same day I got the prescription. Wasn't gonna wait a second longer. However I'd been through a few months of counselling first.

You say you've spoken to a doctor about it but maybe you need to find a gender counsellor to talk through some of your feelings and where you'd like to go and maybe plan for that. Transition is a very big step and it helps to have that kind of emotional and practical support, often something a doctor alone cannot give you.

Love the new profile picture btw grace, it's really fantastic you look great in it

Hello! Thank you all for your reply!
I would add something to my first post in this topic.
At the first, it's not that I am not sure of myself. Just everyday I'm delaying to go to the drug store and buy this medicaments (and start everything), because I'm scarried (even don't know from what exactly).

It's is like thinking 'nah, I will go tomorrow for them' - just like starting exercises at the gym, or starting diet lol.

My question was if some of you had experienced something like that - I mean pushing myself to take the drugs. I mean that even with a scary you were starting hrt.

Emma your path is uniquely your own and you are the best judge.  In my experience many of us worked through a challenging process to get on HRT and couldn't wait to start.  I was, however, one of those who tried a transition long ago and quit.  This time i was determined that my fears about being non binary and not passable were not going to stop me.  We do this for ourselves and the peanut gallery doesn't get a vote in my transition.  As others can confirm, starting on HRT will typically give you significant feedback about it being right/wrong for you.  I never felt so right in my life and honey I am old!  Counseling is more than a luxury for troubled celebrities.  Having an objective and professional gender therapist to work with is very helpful.
Facing yourself at a younger age seems preferable to the shame and hiding of decades.  My dysphoria never went away and in fact got worse until i faced the girl shadowing me through life.
It is a big deal and merits your thoughtful consideration.  Let us know how you're doing please.

My dysphoria is really exhausting me at all. Since I remember I had a lot of situations with my dysphoria. About knowing myself (I mean that I know that I'm ts) is like 4/5 years? To be honest I'm thinking about me, starting hrt, etc every day. I don't remember a day where I had not any thoughts concerning starting transition.

I actually wanted visibly budding breasts so that when I came out to people it wouldn't be such a surprise. Didn't work - they took too long to do their job.

That too sounds very familiar to many of us here.  Once I accepted myself as transgender I was out well before HRT and just loved the relief from hiding and guarding.  It does become a bit of an obsessive focus for some of us but what could be more central to our lives than our very basic identity?  It feels to me that being transgender and working through transition impacts almost every facet of our lives.  From getting dressed to your voice and then that wonderful sensation of finally starting to see your real self in the mirror.

Yes dysphoria, and hiding are exhausting and I didn't realize until I quit trying to man up how much energy it took to act like something I never felt.  It's not that transition will solve all of our problems but having some big issues in our life settled allows us to face the world with greater confidence.

Quote from: Tessa James on October 15, 2014, 11:07:55 AM
It is a big deal and merits your thoughtful consideration.

Ditto.

I am sitting on an offer from my doctor to start me on HRT on an "informed consent" basis.  I will see her again at the end of November.  Hopefully I will have my mind sorted out by then.  This is a really big step - don't let anyone push you on this one way or the other.


Erin

Emma,
You're young and beautiful waiting to happen.  Still you are concerned that you will be homeless.  Yeah!  I'd say that is a valid concern.  So have you included your parents in your counseling experience?  I can almost guarantee that even if you don' talk about it, they know pretty much what is going on.  How do you dress?  How do you talk?  More importantly, how do you think?

HRT will not show anything visible for three months or so, and if you wear loose clothing for half a year or more.  But then what?  That is the question that you need to answer, how included your parents feel in your life may be how they frame their response.  For me to delay any longer was to abandon hope.  The almost instant relief that finally I was being true to myself was overwhelming.  I whistled and sang nonstop for weeks - well I guess it's been over two years, and I'm humming a tune even now (with my mouth full and typing - not bad eh?)

Putting off becoming who you authentically are won't make it better or easier.  Courage and openness might.  Good luck with whatever you decide, but remember that it is your life and your body and you are the one who will live it.

Peace,
Julie

I was out and went full time 6 years ago long before hrt. I didn't start my hrt until December 27th, 2013. However prior to starting hrt I wasn't waiting or in any doubt. I live in a very rural part of Florida and finding Doctors within reasonable distance that were willing to help me took a while. I wanted to start before going full time but as said I couldn't find a Doctor that was willing to help in my area. What it finally came down to for me to go to extraordinary lengths to start my hrt, was life or death. I don't wanna bring anyone down here so I won't go into detail. I took my first dose on the day I got my prescriptions. But that's what it came down to for me to start my hrt. Since starting my hrt 9 months and two weeks ago my life has changed all for the better. I'm now emotionally stable and physically my results so far have been great. I'll be having my SRS soon and will finally after years of anguish be whole.

We all have our reasons for waiting. Mine were circumstances beyond my control. You are still young so you have a little time to make sure this is the best path for you. I am older and am fortunate enough to own my own home which I must confess, does make things easier. I wanted to and actually did start hrt when I was younger in secret, however I was held back out of fear I'd be put out on the street. My adopted family is very religious and the father especially was very bullheaded, bullying, and stern. So until I was out on my own and self sufficient it was impossible for me to transition. I do wish I would have been braver tho. If I had, so many of my best years wouldn't have been wasted to pain, anguish and despair.

So I do understand and sympathize with your situation. I wish you all my best.

Ally

I'm not sure if this is a good idea or not, but you could just try it for a week. I doubt you're not going to get any significant physical changes, but you may get some mental ones, and it could help you clarify what you want to do. You may also find you can't stop...

my experience with postponing or pushing it...   more with postponing, and being miserable doing so.  i wish so much that i could bring myself to start hormones immediately but im still in debt to a family member i know wont be accepting, so have to wait till i get him paid off, and get a small pocket of savings.  got almost 6 more months till i can start, and once i figured out the timeframe i was going to have to wait, its been getting worse and worse.   postponing is horrible, but sometimes neccessary if you can survive the wait.