This is how I am feeling towards my old male self. It's from the end of Micheal Jackson's song "Will You Be There". I'm not exactly sure if I am in morning or excited at losing him to my female side. Although I am confident with who I am and were I'm going, there is still a sense of lose involved with the process of change. He has been protecting and taking care of me for long time while doing the best he could to survive. He is still a part of me and always will be to some extent.

The winds of change can be very exciting and overwhelming at times, I do find myself still needing him around for protection and his wisdom. The changes I am feeling already mentally after just ten days on estrogen is amazing. I'm feeling a lot calmer, maybe do the the chemical changes starting at a molecular level starting to line up with how I have felt all my life. I'm starting to feel more empathy towards him and not the anger and pain I always felt. Unlike my old self I'm starting to express my self openly and am surly happier for it. It is really amazing hwat I'm starting to feel. How do you feel towards you old self?

In Our Darkest Hour
In My Deepest Despair
Will You Still Care? 
Will You Be There?
In My Trials
And My Tribulations
Through Our Doubts
And Frustrations
In My Violence
In My Turbulence
Through My Fear
And My Confessions
In My Anguish And My Pain
Through My Joy And My Sorrow
In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow
I'll Never Let You Part
For You're Always In My Heart.

Hugs and kisses old self,

Melissa Ann

That's such a beautiful message MelissaAnn.

Your changes are so moving.
Hugs

I've very grateful to my progenitor.  He kept us both alive and earned a good retirement for me to enjoy.

He endured military draft without getting either of us killed.  He managed, somehow, to father a beautiful, talented daughter that is amazing to behold.  He was able to avoid excessive drugs and alcohol that could have put an early end to both of us.

Yes, I'm very grateful for all that he did.  Now it's my turn.  I hope to make him proud.

Randi

I don't bear "male me" any ill will, in fact I don't even see "him" as a different part of myself. I never tried overly hard to conform to male requirements except for those that would stop me from getting harassed or beaten up, so the "he" expression of me was still me and always will be. I'm just glad and grateful that that part of myself was able to get me to where I am now.

Male me never existed. That said, if he did, I would thank him for finally facing who he/she really is. I knew it took a lot to admit it and it isn't easy.

http://lyrics.wikia.com/The_Clockwork_Dolls:Safe_Rest

QuoteSafe Rest
By The Clockwork Dolls

Helene:
How is it we have come to this,
A turning that I somehow missed?
What weakened strength is left behind
For me without your brilliant mind?

I cannot fix your wounded hole
Or seek to hold your noble soul
But I can hold you till you sleep
And sing the song you sing for me

Close your eyes, my dear one
And rest your head beside me
Night's enchanting slumber
Sings you to a safe rest

The lissome night has fallen
The clouds are drifting slowly
I'll be by your side, dear
Till morning has come

Allison:
There's nothing here for me to forgive
Just live the life that you're meant to live
The greatest thing you've done for me
Is act to set my soul free

My journey ends tonight it's true
But so much more is awaiting you
Don't cry my sweet the night is here
And while you sleep I will be near

Close your eyes, my dear one
And rest your head beside me
Night's enchanting slumber
Sings you to a safe rest

The lissome night has fallen
The clouds are drifting slowly
I'll be by your side, dear
Till morning has come

Close your eyes, my dear one
And rest your head beside me
Night's enchanting slumber
Sings you to a safe...

Helene:
Rest.

I found this somehow fitting. I do not really regard my life previously to really be lived by a different person, it still was me. But part of me split and took over as a kind of guardian I think - to protect me until I could be. Its hard to describe because of course it was also me and I did rarely do anything that I would disagree with - still... I had to pretend I was someone I was not and that part was taken over by a part of my personalyit that I could maybe regard as a "male persona" or such. 

I am very grateful for all the wonderful replies, it truly is amazing for all of us are on the same path but all seem to have a different way of finding this path. Were all going through the same struggles but experience things in such different ways from each other. I really do like here in the experiences and feelings that everybody has towards their male persona. I wish everybody safe travels. A big tight hug to everybody.

Hugs,

Melissa Ann

I don't bare any ill will to 'him' any more, but there was a time that I did. Because he stood in place of me... He did things without thinking of me. He didn't listen to me even though he could help but hear me. It took a long time to forgive.

But you know, he struggled too. As out of place as I was, so was he. And while I could not face or deal with the world, he did. The truth is, he was there because I wasn't ready ( regardless of why ). So I thank him, and have come to love him for all he did for me. It wasn't easy. I won't forget him.