Where do I begin? I am a 30 year old married man who has never truly be "happy." I haven't be sad either. I just okay with life. However, there is complications in my life.

First is, I love to dress as a women. I have liked to do this since i was probably 12 or so when I used to wear my mom stuff. I haven't tried make up much but I am sure I would enjoy that as well. I like to be a women, I prefer the body of a women as well. Over mine.

However, I don't think I am fully into guys either. I admit some guys can be attractive, and I tend to be attracted to the female body more than anything. I've always liked the "pretty boys" more in feels. While I like anime, I attracted to feminine things all around. I find them more pleasing.

However, I am still very much a dude, I love action movies, blood guts, not really into shopping, unless its for girls clothes then I love it.

As for sex, it feels to taxing for me. I enjoy it somewhat, but I don't liking having to perform. I prefer to be the one being controlled and I enjoy anal sex it seems the few times I tried it on myself.

I also hate having to be the man, I do it and do the manly things I am suppose to do. However, I don't really like to do them. I just do them because that is what men are suppose to do.

I also don't really care for coming out if I am truly a women in a mans body. I am a do over completely person, I have very few friends anyway and I am not really close to my family. So I feel like I would just want to disappear. Start over a new life as women if I did. I have no kids and have no plan to have any. My wife is very independent and is pretty much the man in our relationship, She has the job and makes the the decisions.

I feel like I am just venting, but I am confused and need direction and insight on what to do.

Thank you for understanding.

Melody

Welcome to Susans. Venting is good.  There is plenty of information on current and older threads plus heaps of supportive folk who will listen, support, share experience and perspective.  Perhaps the best thing that you can do is to work with a good gender therapist.  They are invaluable in helping you understand, accept and express your identity.

Safe travels

Aisla

Hi Melony,

Welcome to Susan's. Often the first and best place to start is with a gender therapist. They can help you sort out your feelings and if you decide that transition is right for you, they can write letters to doctors for hormones and surgeries. They can help deal with all tha goes with transition  like family, friends, work, etc. If you decide not to transition, they can help you deal with that, too.


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Thank you! However, I don't really have the means to pay for it, the gender specialist. Like I said I want to be very discreet about all this. I don't know what to do...

Reading.  Connecting with folk online.  Asking questions on this forum and joining a support group are all free.  Gender therapy may also be available from less expensive sources so this would be a good question to ask of your new friends at Susans!

Aisla

Thank you! I am pretty up to date on forum stuff. Could you direct me to the place where I post my issue and ask some questions?

People are so nice here. lol I am a bit of a forum dweller and do ->-bleeped-<- a lot to. Some nasty folk there.

Anywhere on the transitioning board would serve, although you might even get some answers right here.

Depending on where you are, some clinics offer sliding scale payments for therapy.

Hi Melony, welcome to Susan's Place! Therapists are nice, but many like you and I don't have access to one. The good news is that a therapist isn't an absolute requirement to knowing and understanding yourself. You can learn a lot about yourself here, and your path may become apparent to you. We'll walk that path with you.

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Melony on October 19, 2014, 05:26:26 AM
Thank you! I am pretty up to date on forum stuff. Could you direct me to the place where I post my issue and ask some questions?

People are so nice here. lol I am a bit of a forum dweller and do ->-bleeped-<- a lot to. Some nasty folk there.

Melony

Open a new topic (aka thread) under therapy in the transitioning forum.  In your question it helps to share the country or state that you live in as members who live in the area will have more specific knowledge of therapy options.

Hope you find some useful information and, as  Devlyn says, if a therapist isn't accessible then there is much to learn from each other and from personal discovery. 

Safe travels

Aisla