Once again, was almost 100% sure I wanted to come out to my parents and start seeing a therapist in hopes of transitioning as mtf, think that was.. well, in about 30min it will have been 11 days ago.

But, the day I had chosen to come out, I had second thoughts, when I realized that literally everything would change, and if I decided later on that maybe I was wrong.. How would I explain that? So I chose not to come out, and just continue to wait.

Now the last 11 days, I have had some days where I am sure I am okay with my birth gender, then other days I am sure I want to transition.. then other days like today and yesterday where I just want to fall asleep and not wake up because I can't stand knowing I will never fit into either gender.. doesn't help that I finally looked in a mirror and realized I have a very masculine body.

Also knowing that in about 2 months I am technically an adult...

Weird though, I have spent my whole life wanting to be different, away from the crowd.. now that I finally am different in a way, I hate it.

Probably will end up adding more later.. right now I am just getting mad and obviously that is not going to help.

Every word of this is so familiar to me.

what if you make an appointment with a gender therapist on the day you become an adult, instead of coming out to your parents first?
having talked to someone about it could make it easier to come out, if you find out that's needed.

two months isn't all that long. observing yourself during that time, writing a diary, could make it easier to have something to tell the therapist.

but if you can't wait that long, and depression is taking away all your joy of life, it's probably best to tell your parents that you need some therapy.
doesn't have to be a gender therapist, just someone you can talk to.

Sorry for the late reply, have been busy due to school.

Will eventually ask my parents about therapy hopefully.

Today was weird, my parents got kind of annoyed at me it seems because I refused to get a haircut...

I have kind of been exploring the in between gender things, and stuff.. just for fun and extending my knowledge I guess.. and it is now time to end this post since I somehow managed to stay up until 1:30am playing video games...

Okay, once again leaning toward the idea that I am in fact, transgender. I guess I was just scared to be honest, but honestly, after seeing a professional picture of myself from yesterday, I love the way I look, which was a major issue I was having(the fear of never being able to look female). Though, my family, friends, and now strangers are giving me ->-bleeped-<- about having long hair. My mom's friends on FaceBook are suggesting ways to get me to cut my hair, I think only my aunt has commented on how my hair might be boosting my self confidence(seriously, it is probably the only reason I haven't attempted suicide).

Honestly, I am pretty certain now, I may not come out as transgender until after college, but as long as I am happy about who I am I guess I will be fine. Just have to not let people get to me. I also have learned I have very supportive internet friends, at least.. might not have the real life friends, but I guess that prevents more explaining for when I eventually do transition.

i really don't see the point in cutting hair.
tell your parents to give a good reason for cutting it, whenever they try to make you.
"i think" or "others think" are not reasons, they're opinions.
if they say something like you'll most definitely die within the next week if you don't cut it, and can even prove it, then you should reconsider, but only then.

people with long hair also get jobs.
some men with long hair even do a better job and are better liked than many women with short hair.
an example that doesn't make sense, huh...

if you can't come out now, at least learn ways to let go of guilt.
never let anyone make you feel guilty, learn not to regret the past.
it's long gone, there's nothing you can do about it, so it's better to just let it go.
just do what you can so that the things you do from no on won't be things that you already know you'll eventually regret.

learn to love yourself, just the way that you are.
only by loving yourself, can you love others the way they deserve.
and it makes it easier to not let people walk all over you.

Quote from: Avinia on October 25, 2014, 02:22:36 AM
Sorry for the late reply, have been busy due to school.

Will eventually ask my parents about therapy hopefully.

Today was weird, my parents got kind of annoyed at me it seems because I refused to get a haircut...

I have kind of been exploring the in between gender things, and stuff.. just for fun and extending my knowledge I guess.. and it is now time to end this post since I somehow managed to stay up until 1:30am playing video games...

Actually you just hit adulthood because our issues are largely adult ones, yet, at your stage, you have limited life experience to pull from and some emotional vulnerability.  But the adult choice here is to be smart.  And smart means to get involved with a gender therapist as soon as you can, since you are already on the emotional rollercoaster ride of trans acceptance or rejection.  Unfortunately, rejection doesn't work real well.  Truth does, and that means therapy.

Under a good therapists guidance you can navigate the difficult path of revelation of yourself to others.  Its like your video game, the ones where you move through and avoid obstacles, it can actually become fun as you go through self discovery.

Gender dysphoria is both powerful and somewhat intense.  It really deserves professional treatment.  And once that is in play, the family can be brought into the loop.

Short hair triggers my own gender dysphoria, and I am also pressured to cut.  I am becoming increasingly resistant to that.  There are others better equipped to comment on it than I.  I remain conflicted there, but my pressures are not from parents.  They are from wife and biological children around your age.  So I go for compromise right now, and a lesbian look.

Good luck.... we are here....