I have noticed that people that are trans are always depicted as people that have alot of hardships and don't get respected and can't live a good life.The people that interact with them don't use the right pronouns and don't treat them like normal people.  Seeing this makes me not want to transition  and feel like just sticking it out as "cis" would be easier than dealing with the things I see in the media or internet, I just want a simple life free of prejudice these are some of the main reasons I don't want to transition.

I'm afraid of having to go through that, too.. It's part of what has held me back from coming out (and staying out) of the closet.

But, I have the feeling I may one day be unable to bear pretending to be a woman.. and then hate myself for not pursuing transition sooner, because 1) it's easier to transition when you're young, and 2) I let myself miss out on having a happy "youth".


That said, if the cons outweigh the pros for you, that's fine. If you don't think you can handle transition, don't. Just know that it's common for people to make the decision to just "stick it out", only to regret it later on in life.

I'm planning  on transitioning soon it's just im afraid of how people at my school will treat me and im transitioning early so I don't ever regret it

Quote from: Dandy Dunker on October 25, 2014, 09:00:04 PM
I'm planning  on transitioning soon it's just im afraid of how people at my school will treat me and im transitioning early so I don't ever regret it

It's okay to be afraid -- it's pretty scary. I won't lie and say you'll never have any negative experiences due to being trans.. But at the same time, I'm sure you'll have plenty of good ones. You just gotta focus on the good and you'll be fine.  And for those bad times in between, you have us.

The option to go stealth is always open for you if you really do want to transition and the only reason that's holding you back is media's representation. However, I do want you to know that being stealth is only slowing progress down for the FTM/MTF movement (especially FTM) so you should not exactly wonder why media portrays us like that. WE can't exactly change things being invisible, it's sad I know but that's the real world. Some people have to sacrifice stealth so that everyone else can enjoy life. You can make a dream possible but it'll never be easy no matter what you chase.

Quote from: Marcellow on October 25, 2014, 09:05:03 PM
The optiportr th is always open for you if you really do want to transition and the only reason that's holding you back is media's representation. However, I do want you to know that being stealth is only slowing progress down for the FTM/MTF movement (especially FTM) so you should not exactly wonder why media portrays us like that. WE can't exactly change things being invisible, it's sad I know but that's the real world. Some people have to sacrifice stealth so that everyone else can enjoy life. You can make a dream possible but it'll never be easy no matter what you chase.

True. Being stealth minimizes the chance of more open in the community...it turn more awareness. Its completely up to you what path you decide. But, the media shouldn't be your deciding factor. They will always have something negative about EVERYTHING. Try and be strong and have a support area in your life. You will realize the media doesn't matter..or what anyone thinks...except you.

The media is rarely interested in good news stories (unless it's a cat being rescued from a tree or something).

The sad fact is that, yes, transition is difficult,  there is prejudice and there are people happy to make your life misery but there have also been plenty of positive stories of transition. A lot of how things go for you depend on how your school handles it.

I dislike this idea that being stealth is harmful to the trans community a lot, and that somehow we "owe" it to the community to be out.  I don't owe anyone jack, and I wouldn't help anyone by being out, I'd only be preventing myself from being myself, and that's the whole point of transitioning for me.  Just because I'm stealth it doesn't mean that I don't help other trans people either.  Maybe I don't post on here all that much, but I don't feel like I have much to offer you guys, I'm not good with emotions at all, so I prefer to frequent UK-centric facebook groups where I can dabble in facts and help people navigate to where they need to be.  I may not be out, but I can help still help others.

Would some nicer portrayals of trans people in the media really make all that much difference to the way that cis people treat us?  Nope, in my experience people only become accepting of trans people once they know someone personally and have taken the time to get to know them, either because they've been forced into a situation, or didn't know they were trans to begin with.  Coronation Street had a trans woman character from 1998 to 2014, but it changed nothing as to my grandfather's perceptions of trans people, and nor did numerous gay relationships and storylines on that and other soaps to change his views on homosexuality.  I know of several people who have spoken horribly about trans people, but upon discovering that I was trans they've been completely fine with it, and seem to have changed their views on me, not just to my face, but also behind my back, as news would have gotten to me if they hadn't been.

Even if you don't want to be stealth, you're not going to wander around with a big neon sign announcing to everyone you meet that you're trans.  Once you are read as male consistently and have documents that are in the correct name the majority of people aren't going to know, and thus won't have the opportunity to be prejudice.

Anyway, getting back to the topic on hand, school is just a fraction of your life.  You may not think of it now, but once you leave you probably won't see any of those people again.  I could count on one hand the number of people I've spoken to, either in person or online since I left school.  One person from college spoke to me because he wanted to know if I still had some work so he could copy it.  If they do treat you poorly -- and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised to find that most of them won't -- then you never have to see them again after you leave.  I came out to two hundred people, mostly aged at the lower end of 17 to 36, plus at least fifty adults, and only two of them ever spoke a bad word, and they were admonished by people who weren't even friends with me before I got to say anything.

My motto for things like this is always that I'd rather be hated by others than hated by myself.  You can escape other people, you can cut them out of your life, you can move, you don't have to have them in your life, but you can never fully escape yourself.  There's a reason that transgender people have pretty high rates of drug/alcohol abuse, self harm, and suicide; they're trying to escape themselves, but they never really manage it.

Quote from: Dandy Dunker on October 25, 2014, 08:15:06 PM
I have noticed that people that are trans are always depicted as people that have alot of hardships and don't get respected and can't live a good life.The people that interact with them don't use the right pronouns and don't treat them like normal people.  Seeing this makes me not want to transition  and feel like just sticking it out as "cis" would be easier than dealing with the things I see in the media or internet, I just want a simple life free of prejudice these are some of the main reasons I don't want to transition.

You can't let media depictions of trans* people be a representation of what happens in real life for the majority of trans* folk and what it will mean for you personally.

Quote from: Marcellow on October 25, 2014, 09:05:03 PM
The option to go stealth is always open for you if you really do want to transition and the only reason that's holding you back is media's representation. However, I do want you to know that being stealth is only slowing progress down for the FTM/MTF movement (especially FTM) so you should not exactly wonder why media portrays us like that. WE can't exactly change things being invisible, it's sad I know but that's the real world. Some people have to sacrifice stealth so that everyone else can enjoy life. You can make a dream possible but it'll never be easy no matter what you chase.

Being stealth is not holding any movements back or slowing down progress, and to act like you can't make changes to the way trans people are treated by being stealth is a gross and erasing attitude to have. 

Quote from: Kreuzfidel on October 25, 2014, 10:12:16 PM
You can't let media depictions of trans* people be a representation of what happens in real life for the majority of trans* folk and what it will mean for you personally.

This so much, especially considering how the media likes to sensationalize and fetishize the stories and bodies of trans people. 

Quote from: Bearr on October 25, 2014, 09:10:46 PM
True. Being stealth minimizes the chance of more open in the community...it turn more awareness. Its completely up to you what path you decide. But, the media shouldn't be your deciding factor. They will always have something negative about EVERYTHING. Try and be strong and have a support area in your life. You will realize the media doesn't matter..or what anyone thinks...except you.

This exactly. The world has a negative view on everything.

Dude not everyone is gonna react bad, but if you keep thinking like that everyone will react like that, being trans isn't something thats easy to understand so yea expect questions that might come off as ignorant but not trying to be. You can't let fear hold you back, you do that you will get absoluetly no where in life. I came out in H.S in everyone treats me like any other guy.

In all honesty I had the same concerns as yourself. My dad is insanely religious and I live in a conservative area... But it got to point where not transitioning was becoming extremely detrimental to my health; I was homebound, with agoraphobia, for 1.5 years. I had a lot of time to allow depression to eat me alive and reflect on my past, but ultimately I came to the conclusion that this needed to be done. Between being cornered in the bathroom or being referred to as gay, a cross dresser, or a hermaphrodite, this really hurt my 13 year old self, and I couldn't take it anymore. Even as a younger kid, around 8 or so, I'd get called a boy and I was beyond embarrassed. I began to loathe going to the bathroom in public because I was afraid I'd get stares. My father pushed me to wear female clothing, but I never did.... I was so afraid of what he, and others, would think, I waited. I didn't give myself the answers (aka researching what was up) because I knew I wasn't able to have that at the moment.

But the thing is, all of these concerns are gone. I told my close friends and everyone accepted it, as I expected. My dad ignores it as much as possible and taunts me with it whenever I see him. When I posted it on FB I added those whom I could trust and that was that. In recent weeks I've started going out again and I don't feel so awkward in public anymore. For some they're okay with being gender neutral, but I knew that I wanted to be male, so now that I am achieving that (although I already am male) it boosts my confidence. I've gotten checked out several times, which makes me feel awkward, but I suppose that's part of being "aesthetically pleasing" to females- my girlfriend hates this though lmao. Hell, I even got a discount at the store today because the lady was hitting on me. Tomorrow I'm (hopefully) starting T. My dad doesn't know, and I don't know how I'll tell him, but that doesn't matter. I want to live for myself. Why? I spent 19 years being someone that I wasn't. Although I did dress as male and was often misgendered (or correctly gendered lol) I wasn't entirely who I wanted to be. I may have lost some people, including my father, but those people don't matter to me.

My point in all of this: You'll come to a point where you realize you need to live for you. I really hope it's soon. You deserve happiness! Set a goal and achieve it...anything is possible. And, yes, you can be happy even if you're born with the wrong parts. Like yourself, I am choosing to go stealth for the same reason; to finally be the 'norm' that society accepts.