Since I have become April I have noticed that people seem to seek me out a lot more. As a male, I used to go to a bar and order a beer and burger, and nobody (and I mean absolutely nobody) besides the bartender would ever talk to me. But as April everybody seems to talk to me. I go to this one club in downtown Scottsdale and order a glass of Merlot. I then just wait for the people to come, and they most certainly come. This is an alternative lifestyle friendly club, but it draws a considerable straight crowd on the weekends from people bar slumming in the neighborhood.
Last night an absolutely beautiful woman approached me. She was exactly the same height as me. I was for a second thinking that she was another TGirl, but she quickly indicated that she was both CIS and straight. She asked, "What is your story". That happens to be a common opening line with strangers approaching me. So I told her, and I started crying as I often do in that situation. She cried as well. I have learned that once you share your vulnerability with another woman, you have made a friend. She said to me that she gets so few opportunities to dance with somebody the same height as her, and was wondering if I would. I gladly said "yes". While we were dancing, I asked her what made her approach me. She said it was my smile: "You just glow; and I had to know why". I am thinking that is the real reason that people now seem to approach me so easily; I just simply seem a lot more approachable. Anyway, it was a beautiful moment in an otherwise rather dismal week. She had to leave with her boyfriend, and others then came around to talk.
They were all special in their own way, but it was the very young gay man at the end of the night that sticks in my mind. He told me that he been confused about his sexuality, but he had finally figured it all out. I told him I understood very well about all that. He told me that he thought I was so courageous, and he then tried to put me on a pedestal I didn't think I deserved. So I brought the subject back to him. He suggested how insecure he was about his appearance. I looked at this absolutely beautiful young man, and I was stunned. He looked rather young and slightly feminine, but in a really good way. He looked like he hadn't yet been wounded by life. At that moment I became his much older sister, although I am probably older than his mom. I told him that his day would come, and to just believe in himself. That seemed to make him feel a little better. He then spotted a guy across the room he wanted to get to know. He said he would circle back at the end of the night, and wondered if I would dance with him. I said "of course". I lost track of him and eventually had to go. This morning I noticed he had left a text on my phone (I had given my cell number to him). He said he had looked for me. Apparently we had just missed each other. I explained to him that I had to leave, and apologized.
I then said to him "Don't sell your looks short. There will be plenty of men in your life, and you will also break the hearts of many young girls who can't have you. Just love yourself". And in a second text, I told him that I still wanted that dance. He thanked me and said I had made him smile, and of course we will have that dance. I hope he won't be too embarrassed dancing with his much older adopted sister
A couple years ago, I couldn't have imagined the events of last night. And I would have never guessed I could find so much beauty in the stupidest little things. But I am somewhere over the rainbow now, and I absolutely love it there.
