Hey everyone,

     So I had an interesting conversation with my mom today. I told her I'd had a bad day because I was feeling female, and she was confused as to why that would be an issue.

     "Well," I explained, "when I feel female I get dysphoria."

     She apparently was not aware of this and didn't think dysphoria was something gender-fluid people got.

     Do you guys hear that misconception commonly?

Quote from: Karen345 on October 27, 2014, 07:43:24 PM
     She apparently was not aware of this and didn't think dysphoria was something gender-fluid people got.

     Do you guys hear that misconception commonly?

Only heard that here on Susan's I had a longtime member tell me that since I was non-binary, I couldn't experience dysphoria.

Alas, that's the lot of transfolk. We're fated constantly to be educating people.

Eh, today was bad enough that I wonder if it was a tipping point anyway. Is it weird that I look to such times of misery for hope that I'm female so I can do something proactive about this nightmare?

Quote from: Karen345 on October 27, 2014, 08:00:04 PM
Eh, today was bad enough that I wonder if it was a tipping point anyway. Is it weird that I look to such times of misery for hope that I'm female so I can do something proactive about this nightmare?

What seem at first like nightmares can sometimes become good dreams. If genderfluid people did not experience dysphoria, why would they be fluid? Life certainly is easier in many ways when you are your assigned at birth gender. I can get dysphoric both ways, but those two ways feel totally different. I also can be happy both ways, or in mixed mode. I prefer to be happy, though times of misery can sometimes lead to greater understanding.

Quote from: VeronicaLynn on October 27, 2014, 10:03:53 PM
What seem at first like nightmares can sometimes become good dreams. If genderfluid people did not experience dysphoria, why would they be fluid? Life certainly is easier in many ways when you are your assigned at birth gender. I can get dysphoric both ways, but those two ways feel totally different. I also can be happy both ways, or in mixed mode. I prefer to be happy, though times of misery can sometimes lead to greater understanding.

Very wise, though I admit that this time mostly what I learned is that "Rage Shaving" results in serious itchiness.

I can kind of relate. There's some times where I'm positive I'm ftm for months and I'll spend days indoors pretending I'm sick because I can't make my chest look flat enough and just when I think I'm ready to come out I do a complete 180 and actually get dysphoric about my short hair. Lol there's really no pleasing me. If you want advice I think for one thing you can do some google searches for something like "genderfluid parenting" or "my child is genderfluid" to help educate your mother. And to help with the dysphoria, you could go for a more androgynous look so that you can tweak it a little and present as either gender, i.e. get a haircut like Miley Cyrus and slick it back for a more masculine look. Also, learn how to contour no matter which gender you are presenting as. I've pretty much mastered creating a masculine jawline or a feminine dainty nose or any other part of the face. Also I fill in my eyebrows and create a low arch and that helps my face look a little more on the androgynous side without making me feel manly on my female days so I bet if you do a slightly defined arch and fill them in well, it could probably help your face look more androgynous without looking too feminine. If you don't know how to shape eyebrows, you could probably find a salon in your area that will. It usually costs around $10 in my experience, and once they've shaped them, you don't have to go back really as long as you keep plucking all the stray hairs Take pics if you can't explain what you want.

That's all the advice I have, I hope you found some of it helpful.

Quote from: perrystephens on October 28, 2014, 12:59:50 AM

That's all the advice I have, I hope you found some of it helpful.

I did! Although I admit I'm not nearly as visually focused as many folks seem to be.

Quote from: Karen345 on October 27, 2014, 08:00:04 PM
Is it weird that I look to such times of misery for hope that I'm female so I can do something proactive about this nightmare?

No. Not weird at all.

Though if you're looking for hope that you're female, I'd say that was a pretty good indication that you really are. Cisgender males pretty much never hope that they're really female.

Quote from: suzifrommd on October 28, 2014, 06:13:35 AM
No. Not weird at all.

Though if you're looking for hope that you're female, I'd say that was a pretty good indication that you really are. Cisgender males pretty much never hope that they're really female.

Hang on a sec, revising self image...

I have moderate gender fluidity, and I get dysphoria on either side of the pendulums swing.

I am trending towards androgyne physically, so it lessens the dysphoria on the fem side of the swing, and eliminates it in the middle.

I think MTF would be too far for me.  YMMV.

Now I'm feeling more balanced even on the extremes of the pendulums swing.


- Jaded Jade

Sorry to hear it bites both ways, but glad to hear it's biting less!

i experience dysphoria. it was really bad when i was depressed, just another reason for fight or flight reactions or triggering suicidality.
now it's more like... having to wear a t-shirt in bed because i can't stand the feeling of fabric gliding against nipples.
i'm supposed to be free in my own home. no more struggling with presentation. so why can't i take those things off?

but it's not worse than that i function perfectly well wearing a normal bra. even better if it's padded.
binders are a hassle to get hold of.

actually, my hair has been a really good body part to take out my frustration on.
whenever everything feels wrong and i need to be different, i've cut or dyed it.
until i finally managed to gather myself enough to decide on a good compromise that doesn't need to be changed anymore.
i'm happy with my current hairdo, and have been ever since i got it. all i have to do is maintain shortness on the sides.

clothes are still a problem, but not more than that i can wear just about anything.
my body is like it is. no need to feel ashamed of a birth defect, even if most people judge me by that.
i'm starting to feel a little self conscious about my weight though.

And the complications and formulas begin.... and dead end into unmeasurables.

For me, as a no op mtf that rejected a full binary transition, is on a whopper of a hormone dose to correct my dysphoria, and lives genderqueer without too much trouble for it, actually without any as long as I don't put on the dress or skirt, the clothing is very andro, but it all comes down to comfort levels. Comfort with being who you are authentically, with wearing what you want, with living a lifestyle that you like, with seeing the body you need to see in the mirror, with your choice of a bathroom in a public place (one of my full transition deal breakers, but am I not full transition since I have met my physical transition needs?  With one possible leftover?)

Thought can drive crazy and one of our dysphoric characteristics is self deception.  That means therapy to sort that out.  Its like inserting a bunch of variables into your equation that screw it up, cloud the issues until you balance them, remove them from the formula, and boil it down to your truth, the truth of who you are in the deep places inside you, the place that knows, whispers, that you must pay attention to.

Binary transition is not necessary, it can be done if desired, it can be wonderful, but as a non binary you have all kinds of choices, you can be and do anything you want on the whole rainbow spectrum, and blend all kinds of colors to your hearts content.  your body the canvas, your mind your art, you have that freedom.  But to paint a masterpiece you need the guidance of the master, and one that is good is better than one that is inexperienced.

Then the numbers game begins, but it is the numbers of HRT, handled by you, endo and shrink, for your best interest, enjoyment and long term health.

Also, I would caution against the ease of a detransition.  I suspect that would be awful.  To me, it is a one way decision, unless bailed in the first month over a negative reaction to the hormones.

80 20?  Not necessarily.  Percentages are lost in our dimensions, its more like, how do you measure the dynamics of a social being in myriad social situations?  Or alone?  The reactions change and our components are called forth to be, and we go along for the ride, the core of us watching and observing and feeling, and ever so slowly sorting out what feels right, authentic, meaningful, and free.

Nails out hair down living free

Satinjoy

Quote from: Karen345 on October 28, 2014, 12:54:34 AM
Very wise, though I admit that this time mostly what I learned is that "Rage Shaving" results in serious itchiness.

This is perhaps even more wise. Rage sugaring is far more effective, although will lead to random stickiness all over your place instead. And most likely ants.

Usually I don't experience serious dysphoria and just kinda go "...oh. :c" if I'm in a group and I hear "ladies" or "ma'am." I almost never feel the need to change much.

Then every so often my skin is literally impossible to live in. I absolutely do experience dysphoria, and it seems like it moves on a ~3-year cycle. (The most recent wave broke in about September and I'm coming back from that, so I hope that means I'll be good for a while.)