is it normal to be anxious about everything that's going on when you start in on your transition I feel like everything has went smooth till now this morning I woke up and I'm just really nervous and lots of anxiety about moving forward even though this is what I really wanted is this normal? I have a doctors appointment on Tuesday to get on my way to starting HRT and I have a appointment on the 11th of November to start electrolysis, my wife is also getting ready to go back to Colorado so we have some time because she can't understand why I'm doing this and I can't feel comfortable and move forward with her questioning me every thought, followed by opposition, so we are giving it a break to see what happens!

Quote from: angie on October 26, 2014, 05:23:36 PM
is it normal to be anxious about everything that's going on when you start in on your transition I feel like everything has went smooth till now this morning I woke up and I'm just really nervous and lots of anxiety about moving forward even though this is what I really wanted is this normal? I have a doctors appointment on Tuesday to get on my way to starting HRT and I have a appointment on the 11th of November to start electrolysis, my wife is also getting ready to go back to Colorado so we have some time because she can't understand why I'm doing this and I can't feel comfortable and move forward with her questioning me every thought, followed by opposition, so we are giving it a break to see what happens!

It all sound so familiar... many stories like yours have been posted here...

This is my standard response: hope for the best and prepare for the worst (ugly divorce)

I can PM you with some advice (about preparing for the divorce if you wish)

All the best,

Peky

In any major life changes it is only natural to have second guesses. Doubts are the walls we create to keep us from moving out of our comfort zones.

I would think you were ABNORMAL if these thought's did not go through your mind. Even someone as committed as me had these thought's. My very first therapy session was like OMG, what are you doing? Now in my 10th month of full time RLE and months of HRT I know it was the best decision ever. So no, you are not crazy, nuts or anything else, but normal. As for the other I lost a 16 year marriage and a daughter as well. It hurts a lot, but my new life is even better than I dreamed of. Think of it this way, you did not give up on them. They gave up on you. True and unconditional love was just not there. I know it is hard on our loved ones, but our lives depend on transition just like a cancer patient needs radiation and chemo. Sounds extreme, but if you think about it our lives hang in the balance just as much according to the suicide percentages. 

thank you all for such great advice, I feel like you are my new extended family and all your words of encouragement are what are keeping me going at this time, I know that this is what I need to do but it's just so hard !
and yes if you could PM me some advice that would be great thank you all again so much!

This is probably the biggest decision in your life, how can you not be anxious about it. If you don't have a therapist then get one, it is to help you through times like this that they are here for. One youtube video that I saw was a therapist saying if you feel that hrt is for you then try it out, if after a month or so you should know for sure if it is and there are no permanent effects if it isn't.

I am sorry I have no advice on your wife, never having been married it isn't anything I have experience with.

A few weeks into hrt and I'm constantly second guessing myself. The doubts and anxiety are through the roof!!

But as others have said, it's a major life change so these things are to be expected.

Pace yourself, take it a day at a time and talk to your therapist. The one thing that gets me through is everyone saying
" it gets easier ".   

It gets easier, just remember to breathe xxx

I am in week 11 of HRT, and I am still second-guessing myself, as well.  Lu kily, I have a good gender therapist, but I still feel like a ship without a rudder.

Best,
Cate

I spent a year second guessing before starting HRT, and I knew it was right the day after.

I then spent another year or two second guessing, because HRT made my dysphoria disappear. But every time I stopped it came back worse. I learned my lesson eventually, but it took a while.

Giving yourself frequent reality checks when you do something this significant with your life is not only normal, but a sign that your are completely sane.  For several weeks leading up to me taking estrogen, I asked myself several times a day whether that was really going to be a good idea.  I knew 2 hours after my first dose that I was going to need it for the rest of time and that transitioning was probably the best thing I could do for myself.

Now I'm wondering if I should get that Mike Tyson face tattoo.

Quote from: Jill F on October 27, 2014, 08:28:28 PM
Now I'm wondering if I should get that Mike Tyson face tattoo.

Lord help us!! 

Yes, it's completely normal to second guess. It does not matter what topic it is about.

I second guess every day, and then reach for the estrogen.

My experience was that I second guessed frequently up until I started HRT. That reduced somewhat in frequency and intensity after I started HRT and began going out as Grace. Approaching the point of coming out at work and to my folks was where doubts spiked again, quite intensely, but knowing how great I felt when I was in girl mode helped to keep me sure that it was the right thing (the support of friends and my therapist helped a lot). I've been full time now for seven months and the doubts have all but evaporated. Transition is a difficult process - physically and emotionally - the doubt means you are being realistic about the steps and potential consequences.

I am just starting the journey myself and I am second guessing myself fairly regularly, and then going through some questions to myself to see if it still what I want to do.

Will it fix everything? - No it won't, and if I thought anything else then I would hope my therapist and friends and family would be able to reason with me to get me straightened out in this aspect.

Will it be easy? - Once again the answer is no, this is going to be the most difficult undertaking of my life. It will require more work and more commitment than anything else I have ever done. The realization of that aspect is incredibly daunting.

Will it hurt - Yes - Emotionally it hurts now, and I expect it to hurt for the rest of my life. I just hope that with time and knowing that I did the right thing that will fade to a more manageable level. Physically - yes the first part will be growing breasts and the second part srs, both of which will be an ongoing pain for a long time.

What if? - What if I do go through with this vs what if I do not go through with this.

and then all of the other questions I ask myself....

Then I try and be brutally honest with myself and answer if I still really want to go through with this...until the next time I second guess myself.
There is so much more to this journey then I ever thought possible, and so many questions.



   

Yes. It comes from the same voice that tells you you aren't good enough, not pretty enough, not ... fill in the blanks enough. I guess the same goes for questioning yourself. However, if this voice gets too loud  I would suggest therapy to figure out why it happens. Everyone second guesses, I guess.  there is probably some biological/evolutional benefit for that nasty voice in our heads. But what if that voice would not be there? it is good to have a inner critic, just as having an inner best friend.  Both weigh in on your final decision, which is usually the best decision.

When I was 1 year on hormones , one day I realized that: I know I am a woman, because I know what I am not. A Man. It was the breakthrough I sought. Then I asked myself again on the 2 year mark: Okay, some doubts. But would I want to live like a man again, and put on male clothes? Hell no! Since then all doubts vanished.

I second guess all the time but the days I look in the mirror and see my soft skin, decreased facial hair, and budding breasts are the days I don't second guess. It's completely normal and I can't imagine there's ever been someone who transitioned and second guessed most, if not all, of the way.

If you didn't second guess you wouldn't be an average woman.  There are a few super confident ladies around, and they deserve my envy. But the rest of us are just normal everyday girls doing something incredibly difficult.   

I was always second-guessing myself living as a man so living as a woman seems very natural to me, but I do have to say there was a great deal of thought and self-discovery in the weeks leading up to HRT now that I'm on HRT. There hasn't been a second guess just yet. It really does feel natural. I'm sure there are going to be plenty of challenges down the road. I'm only 28 days into my HRT, but I'm the type of person that once I set my mind to doing something I accomplish that goal doesn't mean that I don't have second guesses I do, but I do know who I am and where I'm going. Best of luck to you on your transition just always remember were all here to listen and you're always welcome to PM me.

Hugs,

Melissa Ann