Okay, so here's a question.

Say you more often felt like the gender your body didn't fit, but still felt like the gender your body fit occasionally. What do you think the point is when you want to try transitioning? Like, if you're genetically male, but 60% of the time you feel like you're female.

I know it's an odd question, but it's very relevant to my interests.

I also realize the question is probably very much based on personal preference. Still...

My physical dysphoria is intense.  My fluidity is social and presentational.

Is yours similar in terms of your need to see your body as opposite the birth sex?  Or do you desire a blend?

I am high dose mtf, but the physical is all girl.  I need that.

Outside, it is becoming interesting.

I don't think it is that odd of a question. Until I came here I thought one had to identify as male or female. Although I identified as female, I didn't feel that way ALL the time. I pegged myself as about 80/20. I too was am still am wondering if this is enough to warrant transition as lately the dysphoria, depression and amxiety has gotten much worse, but I'm still not at the point where I'm ready to lose my family (though it gets serious consideration). I had never heard the terms non-binary or gender fluid. For me I'm still weighing the options.  I think that's where a good gender counselor can come in and help you sort through things because only YOU can make the call about transitioning.

Wishing you the best on your journey,

Hugs,

Quote from: Karen345 on October 28, 2014, 05:24:25 AM
... Say you more often felt like the gender your body didn't fit, but still felt like the gender your body fit occasionally. What do you think the point is when you want to try transitioning? Like, if you're genetically male, but 60% of the time you feel like you're female.

I know it's an odd question .... the question is probably very much based on personal preference. Still...

Sounds like a good question to work through with a good gender therapist.  I can imagine a situation where at 40/60 birth/opposite gender some folk would say, transition to the physical gender that gives you most comfort and feels most authentic.  Then work on a fluid presentation that you can flex to suit your feelings at the time.  But I could also envisage a situation where a partial or even zero physical transition may make sense, given relationship, career, health and other factors.  Between these two book ends there are a number of options. 

Working with your therapist to determine what works best for you is arguably the best approach to surfacing and working through the myriad of available options.  The only right answer is the answer which feels right to you

Safe travels

Aisla

I don't think it's a numbers game. I'm happily living full time as a woman but I still "feel" like a male a lot of time. I feel like a male who is glad he's living as a female.

Do you get what I'm trying to say?

That whether I "feel" like a male has nothing to do with whether transitioning was right for me. Regardless of my day-to-day feeling, being a female was the right decision for me.

Does that help, Karen?

I was in that boat for awhile, but have decided to transition to male because the curiosity of "what if it feels MORE right" is distressing enough that I want to do something about it.

So I guess that's the point of my transition. To quench the distressing curiosity. I wouldn't change how I dress or act too much, because I'm already kind of androgynous.

Wish I could think of more to say, but my mind is blank now. I hope that helps.

Quote from: Gothic Dandy Luca on October 28, 2014, 02:55:50 PM
So I guess that's the point of my transition. To quench the distressing curiosity.

Unfortunately for the world, I am a devil's advocate and will open up the damn box even if something nasty might come out 

I was thinking about it more, and isn't the point of everyone's transition the same? To just end up in a place where you're happy with your body? To not have dysphoria anymore? If you only feel the opposite sex 60% of the time, would you rather have dysphoria 40% of the time or 60%?

See, my issue is that its sort of hard to tell. Gender is a big part of my life, but it's not so big that I'm thinking about it constantly. "Man, what should I do to finish my homework" or "What should I have for breakfast" are mostly not thoughts that have to do with gender. So if you're thinking about your gender like 10% of the time, then it's a smaller total percentage of anguish.

So you're looking at a case of "I have problems 6% of the time vs 4% of the time" which means that transitioning gives you a 2% happiness bonus instead of a 20% happiness bonus, which is still good, but not as good.

Then we add to the equation the loss of happiness from the stress of transitioning (coming out to your family, fear of society, medical concerns) and the equation is further complicated.

Hoo...now I see why you called it a numbers game.

I guess the best way to measure it is to measure your losses vs. your gains. i.e. Will you gain more by transitioning, or lose more? Personally, I'm at a point in life where I have much more to gain than to lose. Plus, I'm not opposed to "detransitioning" if the need strikes me, although I wouldn't call it that, since the word seems to carry the connotation of failure or regret.

Some people say, "Don't transition unless your only options are transition or die," but I don't think the desire needs to be THAT extreme. I pray that most people figure it out before it gets to that point.

Yeah... It doesn't help that I say I feel more like a girl than a guy and then start explaining my position with equations...

Stereotypes complicate an already complicated issue once again!

I am in a similar 40/60 position.  But I don't really feel the need to choose a binary answer.

Currently I am trying to maintain passing-male, while getting enough physical change to see myself in the mirror.

I think I will need low dose HRT indefinitely for the mental benefits, but the MTA folks both at Susan's and on my other forum have said that really people tend to not see past presentation too well if you aren't making a point of being visible.  Though this is an option for me because social transition and presentation are not important to me.  Though there are also some that try the middle and decide they need to go MTF.  Everyone's dysphoria and path is going to be different, so do what you need to do to find clarity, your answer needs to be the right one for you, not someone else.  There is no need to rush it, or overmath it.  Go slow and feel it. 

(I say this as someone that also overthinks and overmaths everything.)


I'm still new to this, so in a year or three I'll have better advice for you! 


- Jaded Jade

See, I'm not sure if 40/60 is accurate for me. It's somewhere in the 40/60 to 10/90 range... I think. It could be just because I've been feeling way more female recently so I'm inflating things... Agh! it's weird it's like I feel pretty female, but realize I'm a huge tomboy... and not very visually focused.

Seriously, for me the issue is mostly anatomical... or maybe not... Why is it so confusing!

Quote from: suzifrommd on October 28, 2014, 08:19:15 AM
I don't think it's a numbers game. I'm happily living full time as a woman but I still "feel" like a male a lot of time. I feel like a male who is glad he's living as a female.

Do you get what I'm trying to say?

That whether I "feel" like a male has nothing to do with whether transitioning was right for me. Regardless of my day-to-day feeling, being a female was the right decision for me.

Does that help, Karen?

A bit. I guess that would be okay, it's just that it kind of sucks not being able to switch sex whenever your gender switches... I wonder if that tech will ever be.

Quote from: Karen345 on October 29, 2014, 01:16:12 AM
it kind of sucks not being able to switch sex whenever your gender switches... I wonder if that tech will ever be.

hehe... yeah, that's what i feel like.
but i figure if i can switch even just once, i'll still want to try it.
i have a need to see what's on the other side.
either it's good or it's bad.
i see no reason to tell the whole world that i'm about to experiment with this stuff.
but if i find out that hrt is something that is seriously good for me, i'll have to start explaining stuff to people.
while if i find out the benefit isn't much, or that it feels wrong, i'll just quit when the physical aspects i'm unhappy about are getting a little better.

losing family isn't something i worry about.
i already lost my parents. not physically, they just all turned out to be no good as parents.

society isn't scary to me.
they'd probably be perplexed, but can't do me much more harm than make me laugh when i see how turquoise hair wasn't good enough for some media, and they used an old pic of me instead.
people have already made a good try at beating me down.
i've risen again, stronger than before.