Work has been stressing me out more than usualy lately, and basically keeping up a facade there put cracks in ability to act "normal" around my parents, I had started debating coming out to my parents since they were already raising an eyebrow at my increasingly "odd" behaviours...

Early this past week my parents called for a family meeting/conference call on Saturday to hash out issues/perceived issues between family members (chiefly between my mum & eldest sister, but I won't bore you with family politics).   So leading up-to it I talked to my sisters about how I was  seriously debating telling the parents (I came out to both of them 2ish months ago and they've been super super supportive.)  My sisters and I held a mini conference call a few hours before the family meeting to discuss what we thought was going to happen during the family meeting and when I would come out, settling on a plan that if the parents asked I'd come out then, else wise I'd bring it up at the end.

Well half way into the night there was a point were the back & forth with my sisters and my mum hit a lull and my mum asked "Son? Do you have any input..?" (my mum has a weird knack for making questions sound like statements..)

Me: "what sort of input are you looking for?" (my voice started shaking)

Mum: "I dunno, do you want to say anything..."
Mum: "Something sensible..."

Me: "About this (refering to her & my sisters), or anything?" (voice started getting croaky and mum was starting to give me one of those looks that says "what's going on?")

Mum: "About the family, not about space time continuum.. that's not important right now."

Me:  "First I need to appologize to you mom.. I've lied to you twice this week..  I lied to you last night, I do have leggings (story for another thread) And i lied to you earlier in the week..." (I started choking up bad and my Lil'sis put her hand on my arm and said "It's ok, you got this."

Mum: "What are you, gay?" (anyone else laugh that this seems to be a very common interjection/ initial assumption?)

Me: "Something you're not gona.. Something you're going to have an even harder time handling.."

Then I laid it out there, that I have GID, that I've been struggling with it for last two decades, and I've been going to therapy for a while.

My dad was confused, but accepting and more or less took to the pronoun preference ok (but slipped a bit, which 33yrs is a bit of a habit builder so I don't fault him).

My mum, shocked me actually.  I was expecting a volatile reaction, denial, 4 part harmony full orchestration and all kinds of other phenomenon.  But she said all she ever wanted for us kids was to be happy.  She then asked a few questions that honestly leave me with the impression she thinks it's just a phase (my Lil'sis got the same impression), and said she'd still call me son since thats how it's always been (so a weee bit of denial, but I plan on not pushing hard about the issue so it has some time to soak in.)   So in essence a soft acceptance, but not a full one.   I figure there will be some head butting down the road a bit, but I'll deal with that when I get to it.

I figure I'll give them a month or two of gentle reminders before digging my heels in on things if it becomes a rampant disregard.

So I'd say I'm one of the lucky ones that didn't get a hellstorm dropped on them..    For anyone contemplating coming out to their family and are worried about members being violent or condemming, stay cautiously optimistic that they might not.  And I'll keep a prayer to the gods that things smoothly for you. 

Awesome hon! The good news is you only need to come out to people once, then it's behind you. And was that an Arlo Guthrie reference?

Hugs, Devlyn

Glad to hear it went so well

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 28, 2014, 02:09:32 PM
Awesome hon! The good news is you only need to come out to people once, then it's behind you. And was that an Arlo Guthrie reference?

Hugs, Devlyn

Yeah, the day before a friend told me "You can worry if you want, but after you tell someone, how they react is their problem, not yours."


Now I have the urge to walk into my therapy session tomorrow singing "You can get anything you want, at Alice's resturant."

yup.. bit of a fan of him (I try to catch him every time he plays The Ark in Ann Arbor, nice small personal like venue), and his da' Woodie

Congrats! Though I have to say your family dynamic seems weird.  A family conference call to discuss issues?  And the way your Mom asked if you had anything to add, was anyone keeping minutes  I'm not judging, it just sounds very formal to me.  Anyhoo, I'm glad things went smoothly.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 28, 2014, 02:09:32 PM
The good news is you only need to come out to people once, then it's behind you.

I wish that were true, my recoming out to my mom after month of her avoiding the topic hoping it would go away was way harder than the first one.

Quote from: skin on October 29, 2014, 12:43:01 AM
Congrats! Though I have to say your family dynamic seems weird.  A family conference call to discuss issues?  And the way your Mom asked if you had anything to add, was anyone keeping minutes  I'm not judging, it just sounds very formal to me.  Anyhoo, I'm glad things went smoothly.

I wish that were true, my recoming out to my mom after month of her avoiding the topic hoping it would go away was way harder than the first one.

My eldest sister lives a few states away hence the conference call. But yes, the family dynamics are abnormal, to explain them takes a good bit of explaining past & current situations and person to person politics that go on.  Abridge version is my mum has issues, my sisters bore the brunt of side effects of those issues growing up, so things are strained between her & them.  It doesn't help much that my mum has a stunted capacity to learn & think beyond her personal beliefs & experiences (bloody near drove myself insane discussing minimum wage with her one night..)

Even though my mum has said 'she just wants me to be happy', I still get the hinky feeling that there'll be trouble when I get to the point of presenting publicly. My Spidy-sense is usually spot on about things...

Congrats to you!

The "gay" thing is naturally peoples' first reaction because they simply cannot wrap their minds around the concept of being transsexual or anything other than cisgender.

The first time I ever heard of a real, live transsexual was Jowelle De Souza. However, all of my family referred to her as gay. They basically made her seem like such a nasty, evil person who was going straight to hell.

Now she's a celebrity and she has famous clients, from models to doctors and attorneys. When you want to look good, Jowelle will style you.

Marvelous! So happy for you
That went really well. Regrettably, I do not have a similar positive experience to relate... I found your account uplifting, ElDudette, thank you for sharing that <3
Still, I don't want a pickle...

Quote from: EllieM on October 29, 2014, 02:36:37 PM
Marvelous! So happy for you
That went really well. Regrettably, I do not have a similar positive experience to relate... I found your account uplifting, ElDudette, thank you for sharing that <3
Still, I don't want a pickle...

'just wana ride my motor-sickle...  which it's been too erratically wet out here for me to get mine out and go for a ride.

I'm glad you found it uplifting   And you have my sympathy for your not good experience.    

Goram...

I caught the leading edge of what was setting of my Spidy-sense before. Today I stopped over at the parent's place to visit & my mum asks "Are you growing a mustache?" (I haven't shaved in 48hrs) to which  I responded "Nope, I had to grow it out a bit so people at the laser place can determine if laser will work or not.."   I then got asked a 'why would you do that' & then if I was 'going to do the surgeries', and why 'I decided this' (I forget the exact wording but it was very much directed towards being transgender ) I deflected the conversation a bit by pointing out "I don't want to talk about it right now since there is someone other than family in the house." (she had a painter up stairs doing the hall & a bedroom.)  Mum: "Well people are going to know anyway."  Me:"Yes, but not now, not yet. I have a few books on order to help explain things, we'll talk another time." ( my dead serious 'DO NOT PUSH ME' tone)  She gave me a slightly shocked look and dropped the matter.  The rest of the conversations were about unrelated topics, and I made it a point to bow out shortly after I was done eating lunch, saying I needed to run errands before I met up with some people.   I suddenly regret not spending the extra $ for 2 day shipping.. 

can anyone recommend online resources in addition to the family/SO support section of Susan's?

There's some good stuff on YouTube:




https://www.youtube.com/user/jazzmergirl/videos
https://www.youtube.com/user/trnsgndr

and if you google "CAMH transgender help" there are some good resources there as well.
hope this helps,
-ellie

Congratulations that's a huge step that you've taken, it takes a lot of courage to take that big of a step, and I'm proud that you have done so. From here on out, coming out to other people should be a lot easier. After all, you've got the big one set aside. It was a huge relief for me after I came out to the first person and it just seems to be getting easier and easier as I go along, but I do have the big one to come yet and that's telling my boys, which is planned for the end of January, when my oldest son is back in town. I wish you the best of luck on your journey and may the Angels look upon you and help guide you on your path.

Hugs,

Melissa Ann