Sorry if this isn't on the right part of the board, I'm new here.
Hello everyone, I'm a 19 year old male who has for some time believed that I would rather be female. I can remember being fairly young and wishing I could be a girl for just a day. Over the years that changed into a realization that I would rather be one permanently. I wish to god that I could have just been born as a female. I have the problem of second guessing myself, though, as I feel that because I act so naturally as a male I may not actually want to be a woman. This is despite the fact that I look at women and other transwomen and wish that I could be like them. I feel as though if I actually wanted to be a woman then I would be able to naturally act as one. Has anybody else felt this way before transitioning? I find myself constantly thinking about whether or not I'm acting masculine and try to act as feminine as possible without weirding out my grandparents, whom I live with. I enjoy being called ma'am and being referred to with feminine pronouns, and would to love to act completely feminine. The downside is when I act feminine I'm afraid of what people think. I live in a small town in NC, after all. I also worry about looking like a woman, as I'm built like a man with broader shoulders and whatnot. I also have masculine facial features. I'm not very happy with my body in general. I guess I'm just asking whether or not anyone else has had the feeling of being "too naturally male". if you have any questions for clarification or extra information, go ahead and send 'em my way
Thanks in advance for any replies,
Erin.

How, exactly, does a woman act? I've met all sorts of women with all sorts of different personalities and behaviours.

Just mannerisms wise. I've heard you can tell a transgender person from a person of the biological sex just by that and it worries me I can't get it right. If I transition in the future I don't want anyone to know I was a guy at one point.

Quote from: Akb196 on October 29, 2014, 01:23:20 AM
Has anybody else felt this way before transitioning? I find myself constantly thinking about whether or not I'm acting masculine and try to act as feminine as possible without weirding out my grandparents, whom I live with. I enjoy being called ma'am and being referred to with feminine pronouns, and would to love to act completely feminine. The downside is when I act feminine I'm afraid of what people think. I live in a small town in NC, after all. I also worry about looking like a woman, as I'm built like a man with broader shoulders and whatnot. I also have masculine facial features. I'm not very happy with my body in general. I guess I'm just asking whether or not anyone else has had the feeling of being "too naturally male". if you have any questions for clarification or extra information, go ahead and send 'em my way
Thanks in advance for any replies,
Erin.

Before my transition, I definitely had a lot of second guessing, since so much was typically male. I wasn't macho, but I wasn't much into clothing, shopping, more into computer games, current events.

Since my transition, I've changed in ways I didn't expect. Now I love shopping, imagine myself wearing special clothing. Still like computer games, but a lot of girls do too, right? My mannerisms and speech are classically female, so that I never feel out of place in groups of women.

Here's the thing: If you're trans, and your description really makes it sound like you are, your brain is going to want you to live as a woman. Doesn't have anything to do with what you're like. Transgender women feel most comfortable as women, and we adapt. Though we all get to decide what being a woman means to us.

Does this help, Erin?

It does help, thank you . Any advice for tackling my appearance problem? E.g. Being built like a guy and facial features. It worries me because god knows I don't have money for expensive facial surgeries. I also worry I won't get hips from the hormones if I wait until past age 25 (I read somewhere that your hips fuse at about that time and finally stop growing).

Quote from: Akb196 on October 29, 2014, 10:38:02 AM
It does help, thank you . Any advice for tackling my appearance problem? E.g. Being built like a guy and facial features. It worries me because god knows I don't have money for expensive facial surgeries. I also worry I won't get hips from the hormones if I wait until past age 25 (I read somewhere that your hips fuse at about that time and finally stop growing).

Hormones can do amazing things. But transitioning is not about passing. Yes, we'd all like to pass, but I know many transwomen who don't pass but are thrilled with their transitions.

I felt the same way for a very long time. The key in my humble opinion to self-discovery and to understand who you are is finding a good gender therapist, they should be able to help you through all the feelings that you are having and help you understand the process of transitioning like others have said here, starting on HRT really will help in deciding if transitioning is right for you.

As for myself right now. I really do not care whether I pass. What's more important to me is living free and open and to express true feelings of who I am. Once you come to terms with who you are, it does become quite liberating to finally have that door open. I'd walk through it every day of the week and twice on Sunday because I am feeling a lot happier and more at peace now that process is started. I hope this helps you. Best of luck to you on your journey, a great big warm hug from me to you.

Hugs,

Melissa Ann

I had kind of started coming to the conclusion that I shouldn't care if I do pass but it's aggravating feeling so helpless in changing things like that. I don't care about being in control of anything or anyone but myself and since I'm not in control of it in the first place it's frustrating. I have been wanting to go to a support group in Asheville, NC, I live very close to it. To sign up I have to have insurance, though. I believe the doctor that works with the transgendered people is named Alester or something to that effect. I've heard he's really good at what he does, so I'd be excited to meet him.

I have taken a lot of anatomy courses for pre-nursing and from what Ive studied from all of the (actual human) bones I had to handle, the flaring and processes of the hips only differ slightly in bone structure. We did an exercise where the professor put them in black felt bags and asked if we could tell the difference, I got them all wrong hehe.

I won't lie, I really do want to pass when I get there. It's one of the things I'm scared about. I want to be treated like a woman, period. Sure there will be people who know me but with strangers I don't want the weird look. Who knows maybe I can pull it off. I know sometimes I look in the mirror and I see shades of my mom and that's encouraging.

Quote from: ImagineKate on October 29, 2014, 08:46:02 PM
I won't lie, I really do want to pass when I get there. It's one of the things I'm scared about. I want to be treated like a woman, period. Sure there will be people who know me but with strangers I don't want the weird look. Who knows maybe I can pull it off. I know sometimes I look in the mirror and I see shades of my mom and that's encouraging.

This is pretty much how I feel about the subject. One person has said they think I could pass if I try hard enough, and that makes me hopeful. Only thing is is I plan on disappearing on my family, minus maybe a few :/.