The boss just made a dress.joke at work, they have a costume party tomorrow, maybe I am more out than I thought.

I feel offended, conflicted, all kinds of emotions.

Not very funny when you are a transsexual is it.

I may dress, but maybe politically.

Thoughts?

Halloween day is a nice chance to show yourself. Everybody will accept it whatever you wear.

barbie~~

No doubt..!!

Sheez, Halloween is the weirdest holiday for us, isn't it.!
I wasnt big on costumes before, now I'm definitely not.

I guess to them it's just a joke or fun.?
They probably mean no harm, but it feels like a personal insult.
If you have to dress up at work, I'd just pick something comfortable to wear all day, make it easy on you as possible..

I don't know what to add, cuz I'll be hiding out with the lights off, watching a movie on my tablet..

I couldn't bring myself to dress on halloween. The problem is that I would be dressed as "me" but everyone else would see a costume. I realized that I'd like be the subject of some ribbing and I didn't think I could take that.

I was going to be myself for Halloween this year, but then I had the courage to come out and got to be me 24/7. Now I'm torn between I've spent WAY too much on clothes and I want to find the sluttiest thing I can find (but only wear in private). The worst part about coming out is that my wardrobe wasn't big enough and so I needed to greatly expand it and it was expensive.

Halloween is the Crossdressers National Holiday! 

Hugs, Devlyn

Satinjoy,
Don't do it girlfriend.  Not unless you are feeling really strong.  To appear at work in full girl mode may only trigger more that you expect.  You are non-binary, but you lean in the feminine direction.  If you give that realization publicly, you may find that it is intolerable to live DRAB going forth.  You do dysphoria better than anyone I love.  Be careful.

Love,
Julie

Julie has a good point..
If you have to go, just do something with makeup or something, but not too triggering in that situation.?

I saw this video, it's not feminine or masculine, it could be used as both, depending on how you dressed..?

But it's One of my fave people Sebatsian Simon, love all they're videos..

For what it's worth.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hy4icJOre2M&list=UUM3L6wOikaweQO-PaDx65_A

Boy this is a tough one for me. I was considering dressing for Halloween this year, but I'm not full-time yet and after a lot of thinking. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not dressing this year in female attire for the simple reason that people will think it's a joke. And when I do go full-time I don't want them to think it's a joke, then so for Halloween this year, I'm just going to be a cat not a male cat, not a female cat. I'm just going to have fun.

Hugs,

Melissa Ann

I, as usual, cheated and joined a Hannibal "murder family" photo album in both male and female mode:

Good Lord look at this trap, look at this timeline

I spend a year and a half in full transition mtf meds, but with rigid controls on the dysphoric presentations balancing the tightrope until I find my authentic core.

Time passes.  Boobs grow, friends come.  A new life starts.

3 monts ago:

Satinjoy gets a heavy ramp up leading to overshoot on estrogen serums.

Just before that were 3 crisis events that were destabilizing emotionally due to extreme fear of full and inevitable transition.  Each involved losing the wife to it.  The core fear is gone, it isnt me, not true for this nonbinary identity, in truth.  The wife stays, Satinjoy gets stronger.

Then an intern subbing for the endo overcorrects and drops serums from 450 to 130 in 3 weeks, resulting in an mtf hormone crash, destabilizing me emotionally and requiring and an intervention by close friends on the forum.

And the forum has a meltdown and I am unable to post, emotionally compromised, and one of my best friends triggers and leaves, we lose a sage here onthe forum.

The divergent gender identities fold into my core right after that.

I come out at AA as transgender.

I go to an androgyne body presentation at work, pushing towards genderqueer.

My kid gets pregnant, goes for a shotgun wedding, miscarries, the wedding is cancelled, we meet the family, and we need to break them up, this is a troubling relationship at best.  I get told to break them up or my wife will leave.

I do what I am required to do as a father and a husband.

Hormones are restabilizing

Kid rebels, (how much we dont know yet.)

Wife is right on the edge, SJ is looking over a cliff edge here, holding the family together through faith and leaning heavy on my TS friends, praying her heart out and ripped apart emotionally early in the week, crying her eyes out.

Meanwhile sh'e stands h'er ground at work presenting with knee high boots and the nails are getting really great, the shirt reveals the a cups.

Dose is resumed at high E levels yesterday and will peak tonight and tomorrow.

Boss makes comment yesterday dangling carrot of coming in dressed, Satinjoy is right in the crosshairs, and it could send h'er right over the edge if sh'e walks into a hostile work environment and is in any way invalidated.  And with stress off the charts, hormones ramped up, and knowing that full transition sh'e can be hot, look at the set up here, designed for a push over the edge.  If there was full acceptance would I really hold back on presenting?  It would be fluid maxed, running the binaries depending on who is leading my dance in the core in the blend of the old man and the young emotional woman that is both me.  Now embracing each other deep in my core.

See the set up for full binary presentation, triggering mass dysphoria or invalidation, further destabilizing Satinjoy who just really found h'er truth?  Pushing it too far to the female binary, so that the last shoe would drop and the family destroy itself as a result of that instability?

Horrifying isn't it?

Many thanks my good friends, girls for your enthusiasm and I hope you have fun dressing for Halloween, Julie you nailed it and I really do balance gender on the edge of a knife, or really a diamond tightrope, that knife cuts through self deception now and casts it aside,  Suzi you speak truth and it is powerful, Barbie have fun girl show those legs off, AW enjoy your slutty imagery you earned the fun, Mark your thought processes ring true and I enjoy watching you think and learn every time from it, Dev - have fun, fishnet time,  Melissa same feelings here, Karen I am impressed, Broadway level actor speaking now, those presentation are outstanding and look totally authentic to me, Susans on the NB forum is a treasure chest for you filled with your wilded dreams, look back into the older posts and read the sages, your life will never be the same.

The trap is undone, I am going as an androgyne wizard, with the Harry potter hat, long cashmere sweater and scarf that ties at the waist, knee high boots, and a mearshaum carved pipe.  No makeup, and nails will stay clear polished.

It it wasnt for this forum and all the tremendous help I get from therapy, from the God of my understanding, and from the willingness of my family to endure, I would be drunk  and stoned in a dive waiting for a disco to open so I could spread my legs and flame out forever.

Instead, I get to touch lives and stay a virgin.

Blessings and deep love my dear ones.

Nails out, hair waiting, heart wide open.  Satinjoy

Satinjoy

Beautifully said really doesn't matter how you dress up just own your look stay confident, strong and be the beautiful person you are I wish you the best luck today. The big warm hug.

Melissa Ann

SJ,

I think you have made a good choice.

If you do decide to present as a female in the future then it should be on your terms, not as a caricature. OK some people who are very confident, or don't care, can get away with a Halloween fun female sexy presentation, but you will be remembered for it. That takes confidence in the future.

It is a very personal time coming out. Some never do, some never want to. For some there is no need to, they are confident in their gender identity and appearance and can be as fluid as they wish.

We have to remember that sometimes a support site like Susan's can push people further than they are comfortable - just because others are doing what they are comfortable with is not a reason to be put into a place where you are not ready.

There is nothing wrong with that. No ones journey is the same and all journeys are equal.

Enjoy your Halloween, and cast a few spells for all of us.

Hugs Honey

Thank you melissaane

And thank you Cindy

Cindy you have done so much here and are so important to so many, you have interceded for me with strength and integrity several times, and validate my truth all the time.  It is greatly appreciated and I wish you the best.  Stunning dress by the way.

I went to work as described, did exceed comfort levels with the female sweater, and backed it off now.  It does give a better understanding of where social boundaries lie for me... but it was too much for me and I am resting.

No fall out with coworkers.

Genderqueer is a tough presentation....

Blessings

Satinjoy

I guess I am recognized as genderqueer to many people here. Students seem to think that I am a male professor who wear strange women's clothes. My young kids sometimes complain, but their comments are mostly like jokes between parents and kids.

In any case, I am flexible in presentation, as I have never been on HRT. For wedding ceremony of my kids in the future, I am ready to present as a typical dad, if necessary. I intentionally avoid visiting the schools of my kids, as I cherish my kids far more than my gender identity.

Above all, in a society where power (in term of Nietzschean context) determines law, hierarchy and ethics, I am rather free in my presentation as a woman. My performance in my work place is at least above average, and the same is true for my income. In this Confucian society, my social status as a professor is far higher than the standard in the North America.

I also interact with diverse people from the whole country, and sometimes from other countries. Most people like me. Sometimes I work for them, even helping them with small money or substantial research budget. Although they do not say it explicitly,  they know the power I can wield, but I am not threatening at all. At first, most people think I am very feminine, not threatening at all. But after closely being together with me, they seem to realize that I actually have some power that they do not have, and my presentation as a woman does not matter at all to them.

For minority, social performance is more important than the majority.

barbie~~

My costume would be that of a lumberjack, flannel shirt, men's jeans, and men's outdoor boots. Or I might show up in my 3-D wild turkey hunting suit with cammo on my face and a fake shotgun. I look like a pile of leaves in it, but alas there are no Halloween parties to attend.

Halloween was once a special time when I could dress up as a cat woman or as girly as i wanted and it was all for play (or so they thought).  Now i too face that funny feeling of not wanting to be seen as joking about the most meaningful transition in my life.  What's a girl to do?

Like Shan a real "costume" now would be going back to man mode but I 'm unwilling to trigger myself on that.  I'll probably wear my all purpose party tutu (see avatar).  Most people around here know me as Tessa now but when people wear costumes where they are totally unrecognizable it does kind of freak me a bit.  And clowns, well sheesh even they are creepy to me. 

Satin Joy you sure do have a load on your plate Hon.  Only wish we could lighten that weight a bit for you other than visiting your wonderfully metaphorical and fun fantasy flying fairy land.  Stretching my wings and wishing I could wrap them around you....

Emotional day, yes it's tough.  Many thanks.  Right on the edge tonight, wish the mess with the kid was over, harder on these estrogen levels.  Just trying to get through the night, at least I know my gender , and can lean on all of you.

Life on life's terms.

Survival first.

Satinjoy

I thought about this last post and found self deception.  I have a serious issue with one kid, but I have three kids, and a beautiful wife, who loves me very heavy genderqueer, I sleep in her arms that way.  I have wonderful ts friends from here, with calls through the day for support, I have my transition hormones, clarity on what works and what does not for presenting, and I have a great spiritual life, though it is bruised my bitterness with some of the church.


I have a lot, other transpeople are not as lucky.

So I was self deceived tonight, and the costume, once I shed the sweater, was fun.  Gently gq, just enough.

So thanks to all, hope the thread brings peace to others here, as we keep working out our trans life and truth.

Love to all

Satinjoy

Awesome...
So glad you had a good time afterall..


I hope everyone else did also, and stayed safe and protected by loved ones.

Good evening one and all...