So heres the story.
I have a really good male friend, I've known him since I first moved to Melbourne and we hit it off from day 1, he was more of a drinking buddy than anything else. Anyway, he met a girl about 10 years ago, they got married in Thailand in March of this year, we all went over for the wedding and had a ball.
The thing is over the last year I've been on the end of some real bitchiness from her.
Firstly, her hens party I wasn't invited to, but all my friends were, it was only at the last minute (the night before) I got a text message saying she'll love me to come and that its weird I didn't get the invite, I had seen her at least 10 times between the invites going out and her hens party, not once was it mentioned.
At her wedding, I was dancing with a friend and my best friend was standing near her waiting for her drink and filming some of us on her phone.
You can clearly hear he say "I f***king hate that skinny bitch" someone asks who and she said "Nicole, I didn't want her to come but Nathan cracked it".

Since we've been back I'm being left out or not asked to do thing with them and my friends as well.

Now they're having a baby and when I found out (on Facebook mind you while everyone else found out well before hand) I bought Nathan a cigar, I remember about 10 years ago he said that when he has a kid he wanted to light up a cigar. Nathan loved it while his now wife questioned on why I would ever buy someone something so "dangerous".

Even some of her comments are really getting to me, a few weeks ago one of my best friends 3 year old had her b'day, we all had a few bottles of wine, I was called a drunk because "every time she sees me I have a drink in my hand she wasn't drinking which is good.

I turned up after looking at a wedding venue with my friend Charlotte, it was also the first day over 30˚ since March, so I wore a dress that wasn't above my fingertips (you now the test) and wasn't that low cut.
I got out of the car and started to get looks from her, after a while she, in front of everyone says "You know theres no single fathers here, so you didn't have to wear such a short dress", then claims she was joking.
Later that dad, the b'day girl was sitting on my lap and playing with my earrings, which were diamond but nothing over the top and had them in from the night before, I said "do you wanna wear them babe" and she did, so I put them in and you should have heard it.
"Why the f*** would you give a child diamond earrings to wear, if she loses them I'm going to laugh so hard".
If she lost them or one (which she didn't) yes I wouldn't have been over the moon, but they can be replaced.

What made me post this though is last night I get an invite to a BBQ at their house from nathan on Facebook, within 5 minutes she sends a message to the page saying the BBQ is off now.
This morning I call Charlotte to see what she wants to do on sunday and she said "aren't we going to Nathan's for the BBQ?" I said it was off and she said, no, i got an invite this morning, she texted me.

Now as far as I know I haven't done or said anything to her, ever. I've been welcoming since they got together, I've always thought that she liked me until this year. I know that she has weight issues and that she was going to the gym 6 nights a week to get ready for her wedding, she didn't lose too much weight, but I wouldn't have thought she would be that petty. I never flash money in their face, I have never flirted with Nathan from day one. He has more female friends than male and I'm the only one copping this.

What can I do, I'm getting to the point where I'm going to let her have it.

He may have more female friends then male, but are you his best friend? She could think you are a threat to her.

Sometimes people just take a dislike to someone for no apparent reason that we can see. Be calm and not during a BBQ or any other gathering, just ask her do you hate me.

If she is being as snark and snide as you say she will soon reveal herself in front of your friends

Quote from: immortal gypsy on October 31, 2014, 05:59:58 PM
He may have more female friends then male, but are you his best friend? She could think you are a threat to her.

Sometimes people just take a dislike to someone for no apparent reason that we can see. Be calm and not during a BBQ or any other gathering, just ask her do you hate me.

If she is being as snark and snide as you say she will soon reveal herself in front of your friends

Wouldn't say we're best friends, he is my best male friend, and he has a best male friend as well but we are pretty close.
A few of my friends have picked up on it, Nathan even has. Someone said that she sees my as the queen-bee of the group, which I'm not.

Well,she clearly doesn't like you. These things happen, there's not much we can do about the significant others of friends or family (you should get a load of the seriously unfriendly bitch my brother married). If she knows you are trans then it may be discrimination. And/or she sees you as attractive and is jealous of you. Any number of reasons. You having a crack at her will probably damage your relationship with your friend. Personally I'd just ignore her.

Women. Welcome to the club.

Sounds like personality problem. We can't please everyone all the time. Unless you're willing to completely blow up your friendship with Nathan, hold your tongue be the adult and try to remain civil to her. If some of your friends are aware of the situation, blow off steam at them occasionally.

But don't bitch behind her back as it will only prove to her she's right about you. It's like office politics from the comfort of your living room

Doesn't know I'm trans.
In fact, unless someone has told Nathan, I doubt he even knows.
When I came out, not long after we moved to Melbourne, I was full time, very skinny, very small, on blockers and only my family knew.
Of all my friends, there's only 2 that know, the rest, as far as I know have no clue.
I'm now mid 30s (that hurts), long time post GRS and so many of my friends now have come into my life post grs

Quote from: immortal gypsy on October 31, 2014, 06:27:28 PM
Sounds like personality problem. We can't please everyone all the time. Unless you're willing to completely blow up your friendship with Nathan, hold your tongue be the adult and try to remain civil to her. If some of your friends are aware of the situation, blow off steam at them occasionally.

I've always been civil, I will bitch about her to Charlotte and I know that she would take everything we say to our graves

Quote from: Nicole on October 31, 2014, 07:43:52 PM
I've always been civil, I will bitch about her to Charlotte and I know that she would take everything we say to our graves

I'm not saying you are or won't be. But as was said earlier sometimes it's like "office politics from the comfort of your living room."
Sometimes the only way to deal is to yell at someone who understands won't judge and will keep your secret. Charlotte seems like a good candidate

Sounds like a no win situation to me. She clearly doesn't like you for reasons stated above (jealous of your looks or thinks you are after her guy, or maybe shes just a disagreeable person).  She sounds very passive aggressive.

I see two options:

1. Confront her nicely ("Say, I've noticed from some things you've said and some things you've done that you don't seem to like me very much, and I was wondering what I did and what I could do to fix it?"). That puts it out there front and center, and she can either address it or she can deny it, and if she denies it I'll bet she will probably keep right on with the nasty stuff.

2. Ignore her, smile a lot, play dumb, and make her really mad that she can't get to you.

I'd do #2 after attempting #1 

I'll side with Eva Marie on this Nicole, sorry this is happening to you though, but keep in mind that your friend is married to the woman and he will be obligated to put her first regardless of what happens.

Some people just take a dislike to others, there's no need for there to be a reason why. She probably does feel threatened by you because physically you have what she's been unable to get (if she can't do it for her own wedding, it's unlikely it'll ever happen). Because she's lost out to you on that score, she now wants to even it up by cutting you out of contact with Nathan, 'cos now he's hers, so there, nah nah nah nah nah!

What to do? Maybe accept you will not be doing/attending things where she is present; catch up with Nathan on other occasions; maybe, if he knows she's acting the dick but can't/won't get her to modify her behaviour, you'll have to let the friendship slide.

Picking fights with her is unlikely to improve your chances of maintaining the relationship with him.

Well, calling her the b-word isn't a good start. Be the better person. But like a poster above stated, you're a threat. Regardless of what anyone says, including women, many women aren't BFFs with a man. Now, maybe if you both weren't married. But now he's married. I used to have a best male friend, this was pre-HRT, but I have a condition, so I'm not manly or manish, except in pictures and I didn't take care of myself, but she constantly accuse him of being in love with me or something. I think the best plan of action is to try and be friend with both. Try to go out with her one-on-one. Say you've gotten off on the wrong footing and you want to make it up, and if you could go shopping together. Be the better person.

If you weren't invited to the Hen's party (which I assume is the bachellorette party) then clearly there's some issue. It may be time to let go. I don't know, do you date? It could improve things if you were attached. Probably to a man. Lesbians, where I'm from, tend to hang with just other lesbians. If you had a man, then that could really help. Plus, it never hurts to lose yourself in love...jk it always hurts.

Hope you don't take this the wrong way, but sometimes you just gotta move on...for your own sake. Most women I know, myself included, kloathe cigars, so she mighta took that as an insult. Or weird. Who knows? I think she thinks you're trying to move in on her man. I know if my man had a best female friend, and they hung out a lot, I would get bitchy. I just would.

I've never really had male friend though. The one time I did it was with a friend from childhood, and I think he only did it cause me and his girlfriend became really close. So all his and his friend would hang out and play sports and we'd be talking and playing cards and talking about fashion. His friends hated me. When she went, so did I.

I don't know how male friendships work except from observing. IN America, nowadays, women have taken womanhood to all whole new level, which I think makes it hard for some trans women who haven't had close female friend and don't know howit works. But it sounds like you transitioned really, really, really young. So IDK. I have no idea how things work in the Outback.

I think it's tougher for 30-40 transtioners who aren't into men. People don;t understand it. They just don't. I can only speak for the Mid-Atlantic region of the USA. Unless you're small, feminine, like men, look and sound like a women, getting into the inner circles of hetero women, is tough as nails. Now if you're all of the above, it's easy peasy, cause people believe you should be a woman. Just don'say you're trans, meet a man, and next thing you know, you;re in a limo putting dollars into ripped men's leather pants.

If you're a lesbian, things go much easier, but, like I said, here, lesbians basically and only hang with other dykes. I used to think I'd be one, but I just can't imagine dating a woman, especially after dating a man for a year and letting him F me all the time.

Sounds like Jealousy to me.

Quote from: Joanna Dark on November 01, 2014, 12:29:05 AM
Well, calling her the b-word isn't a good start. Be the better person. But like a poster above stated, you're a threat. Regardless of what anyone says, including women, many women aren't BFFs with a man. Now, maybe if you both weren't married. But now he's married. I used to have a best male friend, this was pre-HRT, but I have a condition, so I'm not manly or manish, except in pictures and I didn't take care of myself, but she constantly accuse him of being in love with me or something. I think the best plan of action is to try and be friend with both. Try to go out with her one-on-one. Say you've gotten off on the wrong footing and you want to make it up, and if you could go shopping together. Be the better person.

I don't see that I'm a threat, we've been friends all these years and not once has there been any sexual tension between us. Its one of the main reasons why we're still good friends.
He's more like a brother to me than a friend, the weird thing is its only been the last 12 months that she's like this.

Quote from: Joanna Dark on November 01, 2014, 12:29:05 AM
If you weren't invited to the Hen's party (which I assume is the bachellorette party) then clearly there's some issue. It may be time to let go. I don't know, do you date? It could improve things if you were attached. Probably to a man. Lesbians, where I'm from, tend to hang with just other lesbians. If you had a man, then that could really help. Plus, it never hurts to lose yourself in love...jk it always hurts.

I won't be giving up on my friendship with him just because of her.
If I did, I would lose a lot of friends. Since they're been together I would say at one point, she has had an issue with every one of my friends, male & female.

Quote from: Joanna Dark on November 01, 2014, 12:29:05 AM
Hope you don't take this the wrong way, but sometimes you just gotta move on...for your own sake. Most women I know, myself included, kloathe cigars, so she mighta took that as an insult. Or weird. Who knows? I think she thinks you're trying to move in on her man. I know if my man had a best female friend, and they hung out a lot, I would get bitchy. I just would.

The cigar thing was because all them years ago he told me that its what he wanted to do when he has a baby, theres nothing more to it.
As for hanging out a lot, years ago we used to go to the pub or a bar together a bit, now we see each other at BBQ's, parties and things like that, every once in a while we'll walk our dogs together at the park.

What I'm not used to is this type of bullying, I went to an all boys school, the bullying I got was being bashed, kicked, pushed around.

Quote from: Nicole on November 01, 2014, 01:39:50 AM
What I'm not used to is this type of bullying, I went to an all boys school, the bullying I got was being bashed, kicked, pushed around.

This is how girl's fight. And I'm just trying to play devil's advocate. You may not see yourself as a threat, but does she see you that way. She's preggers, yes? They just got married? Am I correct? Something like that. And this is in the last 12 months. A lot of women have a vision of marriage, and it generally doesn't include your husband hanging with another girl instead of you.

Even texting. I just think there's a definite element of her not wanting him to have female friends anymore that are close. Like one-on-one friendships. The fact is and it sucks: she is going to win. They're having a baby and he has to side with her. Plus they just got married. There may be more than is going on that you don't know about. Not being invited to that party that every other girl was smacks of female passive agressiveness. I've mainly been friends with women my whole life, except recently, when all i do is hang with my man. He got this roommate and she thought she could kick me out of his life and tried all this bitchy behind the back stabbiness. Guess who he slept with last night?

The girlfriend wins everytime, unless there on thin ice. That's why I'd implore you to try and be above it all and invite her out to shopping? Talk about how you want a man. Or woman? I'm unsure of your sexuality. Maybe you're an ACE. That's cool too. Tell how you hate sex. Defuse the situation cause what I see is her being jealous. Maybe talk to someone she's had an issue with and ask how they solved it? Have you spoke with Nathan about this? What does he say?

All I know is, no matter ho muchit sucks, you're going to have to be the one who does some comprmising because she is having his baby. That trumps all. I hated this female roomate of my BF's and we were going thru rough times. But, I'm the one giving it up and sleeping with him so I have his ear and heart and can say whatever and get away with it, no mattter how bitchy. I always knew I'd win and get this woman out of my life, and I did. She eventually met a man and then we used her apartment for a month and had sex like rabbits and broke her fave chair...by accident. I like it rough.

Like I said. I'm a bitch or ur best friend and prefer to be Besties. But this woman wouldn't budge. So, I played my cards and she played hers, and that was that.

Like I said, not trying to offend, trying to play devil's advocate to help you. Comprmise. Try to show he you have no ill will. Have a girkl's night with her. Youmight discover you to can be BFFs.

I have a similar problem with a family member. I just ignore her, it is jealousy - I just let it eat her away.

Guy's usually use their fists. Girls their minds being much more subtle. It's bulling regardles of the method and is still wrong no matter what the method used. If she has been targeting all of your friends it looks like sadly it is your turn at the moment, and your best option is to grin bear it and talk to Charlotte occasionally. Just make sure you're there when it is her turn.

They are newlyweds and she is expecting a baby. This can make some people slightly possesive. Even if you can never change her attitude of you, try not to let it spoil your relationship with your friend Nathan

I think its hard, but unfortunately there are going to be those kind of people in the world. Thankfully I have ran into very few of them and its unfortunate that your best friend has ended up with one of them.

Have you spoken directly to him to about how you are being treated by her? Or even confront her directly and just ask what her problem is and have it out with her, sometimes it helps to get all your disagreements out in the open so you can work through them.