QuoteThirdly, drunk me is right - I know the answer already, I don't know why I keep having doubts...  well I guess I do - all my doubts are centred around the basic idea of "what will everyone think of me?" and other similar notions.  If I take those away then, apart from the uncertainty principal one I mentioned above, I don't have any other doubts.  That one doubt has been pretty much blown out of the water with this experiment, so my only reason to not do this is now because of what others might think of me, or say to me, or do to me.  I can't say I fully accept that as a valid reason to not do something that I need to do.  It's only a valid reason if what you're doing is actually going to negatively affect others, but I don't see transition as being something that does that (sure it causes a kind of "grief", but most of that is more down to prejudice and mis-information about trans* folk, so really that's Society's™ fault imho).  Anyway, this experiment answers the main question I believe - "Am I a girl?"  Yup hunni, you sure as hell are!

SarahD, I had to read through all the posts in order to catch this part, but I have to say, this is such a great thread.  Also, thank you for sharing it because I think that it has helped others.  Yes I always get these doubts about transition, but they aren't because I'm not trans.  It all comes down to what will happen to my world when I come out or it gets out.  These thoughts go on everyday with transitioning.  What I never really expected was how, as my whole transition plan begins to unfold, I am constantly having second thoughts due to the aforementioned fears.  The part I didn't expect was how I continue to go forward while having these good and bad feelings both at the same time.

Quote from: Jess42 on November 01, 2014, 12:12:52 AM
Wow, 4 AM. Where? It's only 12:09 here. And drinking, naturally. Of course. All Hollow's Eve. Love it just ain't seen any real demons ghosts or goblin yet but the night is still young.

I'm in the UK hun, I'm going to hazard a guess that you're east-coast US? Halloween has always been a big night for me and my friends.  We always have great parties and it's a great excuse to dress up in really outlandish outfits and there seems to always be something cool happening on the gaming scene too around this time each year (we're all gamers (even the girls) so we tend to get quite involved in that sorta stuff lol ).  I'd go as far as to say it's actually my favourite holiday of the year hehe   Closely followed by New Years Eve of course, again for the parties and dress-up potential  ♥︎

Quote from: Deinewelt on November 01, 2014, 12:52:38 AM
SarahD, I had to read through all the posts in order to catch this part, but I have to say, this is such a great thread.  Also, thank you for sharing it because I think that it has helped others.  Yes I always get these doubts about transition, but they aren't because I'm not trans.  It all comes down to what will happen to my world when I come out or it gets out.  These thoughts go on everyday with transitioning.  What I never really expected was how, as my whole transition plan begins to unfold, I am constantly having second thoughts due to the aforementioned fears.  The part I didn't expect was how I continue to go forward while having these good and bad feelings both at the same time.

Awww, hunni I'm so glad it has helped you! ♥︎*Hugs*♥︎

Yeh, it's weird, isn't it?  As soon as you take away all the external / social pressures etc, transition suddenly doesn't seem half as difficult does it? That's kinda what last night was about for me really - put myself in an environment where no one cares (an LGBT night club), unlock the chains and see how I behave when I'm just being myself.  As it turns out - I'm pretty a-typically female when left to my own devices   Other than killing any thoughts of "what will anyone who's watching think of me" like a game of whack-a-mole, I didn't have to put any effort in what-so-ever like I've always had to trying to be male.  I was just me, and just *was* female, simple as that.  I definitely recommend to anyone just starting out like me to find similar spaces where you can unlock the chains and just be your pure, real self.  I've got such a sense of peace and harmony inside myself today, it's actually kinda weird lol

And on that note - when I caught myself in one of the floor-to-ceiling mirrors that were mounted to the support columns of the dance floor looking female and just acting myself, it seemed so strangely normal.  It was like I'd been carrying the whole world on my shoulders for all these years.  Last night, I got to put the world down for a few hours - I'd gotten so used to it I'd forgotten what it was like to live without it. I didn't realise just how bad this dysphoria was until I was able to shove the bulk of it to one side for an evening.

All these silly things are really helping me to confirm that this is real for me, and helps push back the doubts that little bit further.  At the end of the day, I don't want to end up replacing one performance with another - I wan't to find my true self and drop *ALL* the acting completely so I can just be me, but at the same time, I'm not getting any younger, and if this really is what I need to do then I need to move on it before it gets any worse.  Perhaps that's what's driving you forward too? ♥︎

Also on a side note which I forgot to mention - I met a non-binary person last night   They were really sweet and friendly, quite tall and thin in their high heels, long black ponytail and female-dress, but they were rocking a pretty bad-ass Johnny Depp style trimmed beard and tash and made no attempt to feminise their voice.  I only mention it because that's the first non-binary person I've met in RL, and I have to say - both their personality and appearance was really cool hehe   I've already had a positive experience with the non-binary crowd here on Susan's, and this helped further solidify that positive image ♥︎

Quote from: Jess42 on October 13, 2014, 03:47:22 PM
I'm a little late to this party but take two Tylenol or Ibuprofen after a night of drinking and no hangovers in the morning.

Whatever you do don't take Tylenol before or after drinking - it has acetaminophen in it and mixing that with booze is bad:

Combining acetaminophen pain relievers, which include Tylenol, and even light amounts of alcohol can more than double the risk of kidney disease, new research suggests. Taking the recommended dose of acetaminophen, combined with a small to moderate amount of alcohol, produces a 123 percent increased risk of kidney disease, according to a new preliminary study.

http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/news/20131104/tylenol-and-alcohol-a-bad-mix-study-suggests

It can lead to sudden liver failure..... and death. Johnson & Johnson had to put a warning label on Tylenol about this.

Quote from: Eva Marie on November 01, 2014, 03:59:01 PM
Whatever you do don't take Tylenol before or after drinking - it has acetaminophen in it and mixing that with booze is bad:

Combining acetaminophen pain relievers, which include Tylenol, and even light amounts of alcohol can more than double the risk of kidney disease, new research suggests. Taking the recommended dose of acetaminophen, combined with a small to moderate amount of alcohol, produces a 123 percent increased risk of kidney disease, according to a new preliminary study.

http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/news/20131104/tylenol-and-alcohol-a-bad-mix-study-suggests

It can lead to sudden liver failure..... and death. Johnson & Johnson had to put a warning label on Tylenol about this.

I need to second what Eva said.  This is dangerous.  Acetaminophen is actually pretty hard on the system as it is, but when taken with anything else (alcohol, other drugs) it is really taxing on the liver.   The same is true with alcohol when used with any other drug.   Alcohol and opiates/opiods is a big no-no especially. 

It is best to give your liver only one thing to work on at a time.  It needs to last a lifetime, so please be kind to it.

  [pops in to talk about pharmacology]

Ibuprofen is metabolized by the kidney, not the liver, and so it's much safer to take after drinking. If you've got a hangover, reach for the Advil. Although if you're prone to ulcers/gastric bleeding, be warned that that's a primary side effect of Non Steroidal Anti-Inflammatory drugs (like advil/tylenol), especially in conjunction with alcohol.

QuoteYeh, it's weird, isn't it?  As soon as you take away all the external / social pressures etc, transition suddenly doesn't seem half as difficult does it?

I just end up feeling great and horrible all at the same time!  Not really sure which side wins.  We may get confused about what we want to do, but I think it is important we understand what makes us feel great and what makes us feel horrible.  In my case, being as female as I can be feels great, and the fear of the unknown of coming out makes me feel horrible.

I've been doing a lot of thinking and reading on my issue, and what I've realized is this- while there is this desire to be a female because that's how I really feel, there is also a desire to fit in socially as a female.  I think that the latter desire is the one which is most connected to the fear of social reaction.

What must we do to be successful?  I think the fact is, we can fit in socially somewhere as woman.  We may not fit in exactly like a cis born woman, but we will fit in as woman better than we did as men.  We may not fit in the same places we do now, but certainly there are many places were we fit in (like here for instance).  There may be people that don't like it.  Should we even care?  We can't fit in to those groups anymore.  At this point, I can't imagine rejecting my transition in favor of fitting in with a group that is against us having even basic rights.

While fitting in socially as female is one of my main goals, fitting in socially is a universal problem that all cis woman and trans woman must learn to deal with, and we all face the possibility of rejection.  Learning to handle rejection is a good thing.  I also firmly believe that there is a clear distinction between being accepted as female and being accepted into a social space.  The fact is, we are trying to move into a space that we don't completely understand- how could we, we've never been a part of it.  So how do we make light of it?

QuoteWhat must we do to be successful?  I think the fact is, we can fit in socially somewhere as woman.  We may not fit in exactly like a cis born woman, but we will fit in as woman better than we did as men.  We may not fit in the same places we do now, but certainly there are many places were we fit in (like here for instance).  There may be people that don't like it.  Should we even care?  We can't fit in to those groups anymore.  At this point, I can't imagine rejecting my transition in favor of fitting in with a group that is against us having even basic rights.

I really connect with this statement. I think it is the essence of hiding vs. living honestly.