I changed my name and made my gender visible on Facebook last night. I haven't posted any kind of message, and I'm not planning to unless I get inundated with questions about the changes. But now I have another (much more minor) issue: FTM Facebook groups.

I think these could potentially be a great resource, but I have heard personal accounts of several friends that there is an incredible variation in quality among these. I'd like to join at least one and see if I get anything out of it. For any of you that are in these:

- Are there any that you would flat out avoid?
- If you were only going to be in one, which would it be?

I'm in a few.  One UK specific, one specific to the Gender Identity Clinic I see, one for metoidioplasty and one for phalloplasty.  The two lower surgery ones aren't limited to the UK, but as they often revolve around the London team it's almost populated by Brits.  I find them invaluable for information related to the UK when so much of the internet, and information, tends to be US-centric by simple virtue of there being more Americans out there.

Most people don't know of my trans history, and I don't want to keep reminding those who do know, so they're all secret groups (no one can see them unless they're invited, no one from outside sees your posts, etc).

If you are over 40: Trans men over 40. Of course, I may be partial (yes you have to be over 40 literally since I'm co-mod).
FB Transgender Alliance
There are a few groups that are fine and a lot less active.

I would avoid, despite it's cute name, "All trans men know each other". Too bad, but there was an incident of two guys in the group taking others name in the group and carrying on a scam. And the mods did not even remove the guys.


FB: Good, can share pictures easily; easier to become friends and have contacts (than Susan's), can get into groups of your interests (weight lifting and fitness; Christian and pagan groups; authors; can start a group easy peasy, etc. etc. etc.)

FB: Bad, well your identity is an open book. Of course, not everybody uses their real name. If you don't use a real name go for something "normal" like Joe Smith. Don't do something odd as FB removes names that it considers not real people.

FB: Ugly. UH, FB?


---Jay

Thanks guys Jay, I was told specifically to stay away from the one you mentioned for that reason. Good to hear it echoed here.

Unfortunately I am about 15 years away from being able to join your group

I was part of Alphabet Soup Atlanta, which is a group in...erm, Atlanta, for anyone who is trans.  The 'leader' is a guy named Oyle who holds monthly meetings at his house.  He has guest speakers sometimes, often doctors and such that talk to everyone about surgeries, new procedures, new legal stuff, etc.

The Good: It does bring together the trans community in a safe environment where no one is judged and there's lots of support.  The group is closed, so you have to know someone to get in, and when you're in, none of your FB mates know you're in the group unless you say something.  Sometimes you can get valuable information from the group or someone will have a binder for sale.  One guy had run out of T and couldn't get a refill in time, so he asked for help and got replies from several guys.

The Bad: The meetings are only once a month, and for me it was a pain trying to find a lift to any of the meetings.  The page itself isn't very active.  The few times I posted to ask a question, I was either ignored or given a very vague answer.  It was like being a Gardnerian Wiccan; I was wondering what level I had to be before I was allowed any sort of information.  Some of the trans guys tend to be sort of exclusive, in that they've formed their friendships, they have their own group, why should they bother with n00bs?

The Ugly: I found my ex's name on the roster.  I'm really not surprised, pleased, or bitter.  Just...awkward.  But that's my problem.

In the end I left the group because I was ditching FB anyway, and I wasn't terribly pleased with the behaviours of some of the other members.  I didn't expect everyone there to be a big, gay, trans family, but it'd be nice if there was at least a better attempt to help out the new kids.  Anyway, that's how I felt about Alphabet Soup Atlanta.  I'm sure there are some better groups out there, you just have to take a chance while also being careful.  I mean, this is the internet.  With the internet, we all have a voice, but we don't have to have a face.

I just recently had a someone post a picture of me without my consent  on 'all transmen know each other'.
I wasn't upset about it so much as I just figure it would have been ridiculously easy for him to have reached out and asked first.
While I get that there isn't any privacy on the interwebs, I still subscribe to common courtesy. Meh.


Also I belong to the FB groups  FTM for FTM and Poly FTM Dating. I have a real love/hate relationship with FB (maybe because I'm over 40!) but some of these groups can be decent resources. YMMV

Also there are some good groups over on ->-bleeped-<-.com just search FTM or trans-there are quite a few. I'm xsmittyx over there. Good luck!

I have found some good stuff on ->-bleeped-<-! I'm not active at all over there, but I will definitely take a renewed interest Thanks!

You might like our group.

--Jay

Quote from: xsmithersx on November 02, 2014, 06:04:29 AM
I just recently had a someone post a picture of me without my consent  on 'all transmen know each other'.
I wasn't upset about it so much as I just figure it would have been ridiculously easy for him to have reached out and asked first.
While I get that there isn't any privacy on the interwebs, I still subscribe to common courtesy. Meh.

I just requested to join the transgender alliance and Poly FTM dating...

I left all but one of the FB FTM groups I was a part of because of immature people primarily.  Now I'm only in one for post-transition FTMs and that's it.

I'm only in two groups, I'm not interested in dating?

I'm apart of:
a local ftm group for my area
Ftm wolfpack
Ftm and mental health
transgender parents
FTM
transmen with kids
transmen worldwide
transman online garage sale
nsftw
all transmen know each other

I plan on leaving a few of these soon to be honest lol Got invites, didn't realize I was in so many of these
I do enjoy for the most part, Ftm Wolfpack, FTM, transgender parents and Ftm and mental health
The others are eh or not that active/drama filled.
And my local ftm group page is pretty awesome
Really it boils down to tolerance levels when becoming apart of these groups. Understanding that there are a lot of other guys out there that feel like you do or in general, battling tons of depression, feelings ect and of course the occasional sexist argument.
I'd just advise to join a secret, closed group, check that your posts are to group only and that the group rules state nothing can be shared, tagged incorrectly ect and go from there

I recently joined two trans* facebook groups.  My few days of experience there has made me all the more grateful for the rules, moderators, and relative degree of respect shown here on Susan's.  I say sincerely, "Thank you, Susan," and "Thank you, moderators."

I am the creator of FTM Moderated. Come join my group!

Quote from: mynameisjacob on November 12, 2014, 05:56:55 AM
I am the creator of FTM Moderated. Come join my group!

Just sent a request to join!

As a moderator, I'd say it's pretty hard work, even though in our group we moderate with a very light hand. Also the more people in the group, there is more of a likelihood of people being disrespectful.

--Jay

Quote from: mynameisjacob on November 12, 2014, 05:56:55 AM
I am the creator of FTM Moderated. Come join my group!

Just requested to join Thanks

I just requested to join FTM Moderated too. Thanks (Scout Mc Cracken on FB)

I want to like them so much more than I do so far. (I sent a request and my initials are D R)

I keep getting gender policing in the one I'm in now. (e.g. Men don't do ____!)

I just have no patience for that.

It's one thing we won't tolerate as moderators. We aren't normally heavy handed about it if we see "gender policing" in general (for instance, a thread that reads: Do you think the breast stroke is a feminine swimming stroke"). One of us will usually come and say something like "REALLY?!" ) Otoh, "You, Mr Seahorse, should not do "x" because men don't do this." very likely gets the post deleted. No, I have no patience for this one.


--Jay

Quote from: MrSeahorse on November 12, 2014, 04:34:11 PM
I want to like them so much more than I do so far. (I sent a request and my initials are D R)

I keep getting gender policing in the one I'm in now. (e.g. Men don't do ____!)

I just have no patience for that.