A general update:
1. I did it, guys. I made my coming out video and posted it to my Facebook. It went over really well. Over 80 "likes" and 60 or so comments. All of them happy, supportive, loving. Except for the one from my Mother. I had talked to her a few days before and she took it well. Then she did a bit of a backslide as it really hit her. I didn't tell my Dad yet, and so she is a bit pissed that I left her with a huge secret. (This is the short version of the long story.) Mom unfriended me on Facebook. Said "don't contact us. We'll call you." Okay. That has to be okay. I keep telling myself to be patient and that they will calm down and come around and it will be okay. I hope.

2. In the meantime, I have made a discovery about dysphoria. I'm sure others have noticed this, but I didn't expect it. Once I finally admitted to myself how much I hate my chest, I became severely agitated everytime I noticed it. In a way, acknowledging the dysphoria actually made it worse. So I got a binder and it sucked, so I got a TriTop. I wore it most of the day Friday (passed in a funny awkward way, see that post if you like), wore it out to the movies Saturday with a shirt/tie/sweater vest combo. May have passed, got dirty looks when I went into the women's room out of habit at the end of the movie, wore it all day Sunday. Then I had to wash it and go to work at Starbucks today. I only bought one and I don't want it to stink like coffee, so I didn't wear it to work. Holy crap, I couldn't stand not having it on. I could see my breasts, I could feel them moving. Having them and not having them pinned down is now somehow unbearable. Somehow, acknowledging and dealing with dysphoria MADE IT WORSE. Fascinating.

3. I made another appointment to see someone about getting on T. I went to the first appointment (of 3) about 3 months ago. The doctor I saw was horrible, so I went home, shaved my legs and tried to forget this whole thing. Dream on. Its only getting worse and I have to move forward. So I tried to make the second appointment, but it turns out that since I waited so long since my blood test, and since I am changing doctors, I need to do the first appointment again. But the good news is that I got in this week. So Yay. Here we go...

Thanks for reading my update. I would love to hear about other people's experiences as far as any of this goes, or what your story is like.
How did you go about dealing with your family? How did they react? Did you get any backsliding?
How did your dysphoria act? Did it get better, or worse with time?
What was it like for you getting on hormones, or moving forward in your process? I am really fascinated by the differences and also the similarities in people's experiences.

Thanks again.
-Bear

Definitely gonna be keeping an eye on the responses here, because point #2 is so friggin real to me. It honestly drives me nuts, because I almost feel like I can't trust myself. Am I just driving myself crazy for no reason? Is this a sign it's all in my head? Is ->-bleeped-<- gonna get WORSE? Come on, brain, get it together and stop thinking about your [shoulders/hips/breasts/hands/facial hair/dick]. 

1. Congrats on coming out and the support. Good luck with your family.
2. Yes, this happened with me too.
3. Good luck with your appointment.

Quote from: LittleBoyBear on October 27, 2014, 11:33:27 PM
How did you go about dealing with your family? How did they react? Did you get any backsliding?
How did your dysphoria act? Did it get better, or worse with time?
What was it like for you getting on hormones, or moving forward in your process? I am really fascinated by the differences and also the similarities in people's experiences.

My family and I don't have much contact. At the time, I was still talking to my mom and she didn't understand what gender actually is. I don't care about her though, so I don't really care.
My dysphoria got worse in a way since now I can't stand the feminine things about my body and appearance and being mistaken for a woman makes me upset. At the same time though, it got better in the sense that I feel a lot better being who I am. I have hope.
Getting on hormones was and still is pretty exciting. I feel a lot better now and feel like my brain works better on T. When my dose was increased, I was extremely happy for a couple days before levelling out. I am more impatient now though.

Great job on coming out! I hope things go ok with your mom though.

QuoteI made another appointment to see someone about getting on T. I went to the first appointment (of 3) about 3 months ago. The doctor I saw was horrible, so I went home, shaved my legs and tried to forget this whole thing. Dream on.

Oh god that sounds like you had an awful time D: I hope the next person you see is a lot better.

I haven't told my (childhood) family. I don't really tell them anything about my personal life. I'm one of those "not in the closet but not in your face either" type of people. Until the point when I start srs...then I'll have to tell them before things get awkward.

Haha, I even have a youtube channel that none of them know about. I'm terrible :x

Dysphoria IS weird. I didn't even realize I had it...this whole experience for me (past 3 months) has just been a whirlwind of "duh" moments and rediscovering puzzle pieces. I feel like Indiana Jones going into a cave, uncovering long lost treasures and deciphering ancient texts. You know, while everything is trying to kill me on the way down.

I'm not even sure how I feel about my body. I've always felt like I'm fairly attractive and am lucky to have it, but have also been generally unhappy with my breasts. I've also always felt that I look "too masculine," but only recently have I been...kind of happy about that. Honestly, my sense of dysphoria or mild unease changes from day to day, depending on the day's events and predominant thoughts, so I couldn't really tell you about it without writing a short novel.

I'm not on hormones yet, but I have changed my appearance quite a bit. For one, I love having pockets. For two, I LOVE MY HAIR. Short hair for life.

I have a crying baby, so I'll revisit this thread later...

Hey Bear,

Same deal on #2, just different direction. Once I finally admitted things to myself my excessive body hair and male um, scent, are driving me crazy. And it's really weird but I love having something on top, even though it's not real yet--something about finally being the right shape I guess. It's so odd that I've probably had these feelings forever, or at least since puberty, but I wouldn't acknowledge them. Good luck with the new doc.

Cheers,

Julie

I'm not sure how to do the breaking up and responding to quotes thing yet, so here's a try:

Quote from: Gothic Dandy Luca on October 28, 2014, 12:27:13 PM
Great job on coming out! I hope things go ok with your mom though.

Still haven't heard from my parents and I'm not sure if my Mom told my Dad. I'm going to do my best to let them have control over this situation by allowing them to contact me. My Sister is still speaking to me and, as far as I can tell, her reaction is pretty normal. She wants to be supportive, but is worried about me making the right choices, etc. I mean, how are they supposed to understand? Cis people haven't questioned their gender.

Oh god that sounds like you had an awful time D: I hope the next person you see is a lot better.

It WAS awful. My appointment is in just over an hour and I am super nervous about meeting a new doctor and going through step one, AGAIN.

I haven't told my (childhood) family. I don't really tell them anything about my personal life. I'm one of those "not in the closet but not in your face either" type of people. Until the point when I start srs...then I'll have to tell them before things get awkward.

Haha, I even have a youtube channel that none of them know about. I'm terrible :x

I have a Youtube channel where you can see all of my Martial arts stuff. Search Eldarauko, if you want to see them. My videos are anything with "The Bear" in the title. You will hear them all cheering for "Lacey" That used to be me. I am seriously thinking about starting a new channel to keep tabs on Transitioning. Like a Vlog, I guess. Is that what you're doing? Can I get your channel name?

Dysphoria IS weird. I didn't even realize I had it...this whole experience for me (past 3 months) has just been a whirlwind of "duh" moments and rediscovering puzzle pieces. I feel like Indiana Jones going into a cave, uncovering long lost treasures and deciphering ancient texts. You know, while everything is trying to kill me on the way down.

I'm not even sure how I feel about my body. I've always felt like I'm fairly attractive and am lucky to have it, but have also been generally unhappy with my breasts. I've also always felt that I look "too masculine," but only recently have I been...kind of happy about that. Honestly, my sense of dysphoria or mild unease changes from day to day, depending on the day's events and predominant thoughts, so I couldn't really tell you about it without writing a short novel.

I'm not on hormones yet, but I have changed my appearance quite a bit. For one, I love having pockets. For two, I LOVE MY HAIR. Short hair for life.

I'm going for it. I'm going to get on T. I can always stop if I don't like it, but I think I will. This is why I felt like I had to come out. Better now than when I start getting facial hair....

I have a crying baby, so I'll revisit this thread later...

Thanks to everybody who stopped by and left some thoughts. I'm probably going to just keep updating in this thread.
-Bear

Well, I guess I screwed up that quote thing. I'm trying, guys...

Quotes are hard >_<

I think you answered this in another thread, but I forget which one so I can't go back to read it...what kind of fighting do you do? I watched the knife fight video, that is pretty badass.

I would follow you if you did a vlog. I would be like YES YOU SHOULD MAKE ONE but obviously, you have to consider whether you want that sort of thing to be out in the open. I'm Luca Crow...there are two of us, but I'm sure you'll find the right one.

Either way, looking forward to future updates.

Sadly, its quite a long answer:
I hold a Probationary Black Belt (soon to be a full First Degree) in a blended art; boxing, kickboxing, grappling,weapons, self-defense.
I also hold:
Second Degree in Jun Fan/JKD
Kali Beginer 4
Muay Thai Blue Ring
Savate Green Glove and BJJ Green Belt, though I was competing as a white belt. Competitions on hold for about two years till I can compete as a MALE!!!

******************************AWESOME UPDATE ALERT*********************************
I went to the clinic yesterday and the Doctor approved me to move forward on getting on T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If everything goes well, I'll have my next two appointments, including having a nurse show me/administer the first shot next Friday night, a week from today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't even tell you how excited I am.
-Bear

Congrats.

About breaking up quotes, I'll try to explain it.

First, there's two easy ways to quote a post when replying. First is to click on the "Quote" button on that post, while still in the thread.
Second is on the actual "reply to thread" page. When you scroll down to the Topic Summary, every post shown there has an "Insert Quote" button. In this way you can quickly and easily quote multiple posts.

Now let's say you want to reply to different parts of a post and break it up into separate quote boxes. First, quote that post using one of the above methods. It will give you something like this:

(quote author=LittleBoyBear link=topic=176470.msg1554167#msg1554167 date=1414773673)
text
(/quote)

But in brackets instead of parentheses. To make separate quotes from the same post, just copy that first part, that looks like this:
(quote author=LittleBoyBear link=topic=176470.msg1554167#msg1554167 date=1414773673)

Put the text you want in it, end the quote. Repeat that for as many separate quotes as you want. Example:

(quote author=LittleBoyBear link=topic=176470.msg1554167#msg1554167 date=1414773673)
******************************AWESOME UPDATE ALERT*********************************
(/quote)

(quote author=LittleBoyBear link=topic=176470.msg1554167#msg1554167 date=1414773673)
I went to the clinic yesterday and the Doctor approved me to move forward on getting on T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(/quote)

Okay so I put up my first Youtube video tonight. Its kinda long but I had a few things to address. In the future I'll do my best to keep them shorter.

The channel is called BareTheBear, if you'd care to subscribe.

Quote from: LittleBoyBear on October 27, 2014, 11:33:27 PM
Thanks for reading my update. I would love to hear about other people's experiences as far as any of this goes, or what your story is like.
How did you go about dealing with your family? How did they react? Did you get any backsliding?
How did your dysphoria act? Did it get better, or worse with time?
What was it like for you getting on hormones, or moving forward in your process? I am really fascinated by the differences and also the similarities in people's experiences.

I recently started a Wordpress and I've been updating regularly with transition updates (link in my signature if you're interested). I have a feeling that I may switch to videos when I start T in a few weeks just to better document the physical changes, but I'm in general much more comfortable writing about things.

My family has actually been really great. I underestimated my dad and stepmom a whole lot, and they've been incredibly accepting. I'm leaving it to them to explain things to my stepsisters, so we'll see how that goes. I haven't experienced any backsliding yet, and I hope that I don't. I hope that your mom comes around.

I've found that my dysphoria has become more pronounced since I've started to socially acknowledge that I'm trans. I'm kind of a textbook Millennial in wanting instant gratification, so it's hard to have so many people accepting that I'm male, but physically not feeling that way. My chest is a huge issue. Work involves a lot of moving around for me, and I constantly struggle with my binder rolling up or shifting. It's a huge waste of time and I can't afford to be taking 5 minutes every half hour to adjust it, so I've just stopped wearing it. I'm ordering the half-shirt style from Underworks to see if I can make that work.

Now that I have my first T appointment scheduled, I'm expecting my dysphoria in the days leading up to it to be worse. We'll see how it goes. Like you, I do martial arts and having to take some time off has been tough. I'm thinking about picking a new style and starting fresh once I'm living as male.

I'm interested to follow your transition since we came out and will be starting T around the same time 

I'm glad your family and people in your life are taking it well and I get you about instant gratification!!!
Which binder did you get that rolls up a lot? I started wearing my TriTop just over a week ago and I love it, but it does roll up on me a bit. I sort of just tug mine out and then down and I'm good to go. I want to get another binder asap and am wondering if I should get another TriTop, or one of the 998 types which are a longer shirt, with just the chest compression.
Thanks for showing interest is following my story, I'll check out your link, too! Please go to Youtube and subscribe to me, though, since I don't want to get in trouble using this site to post videos.
Lastly as far as your training, it sucks you had to take time off. May I ask why? Is it trans related? I came out to all my partners and instructors and they've been great. They pretty much see me as one of the guys anyway, I think. I'm going to keep training till I get my top surgery, since there will be recovery time. I can't wait to see how the T affects my training!!!!
-Bear

I have the 997. I've found it stays better if I wear another shirt over it that also gets tucked in, but that only delays the inevitable. It's just such a chore to have to stop, find a bathroom, unbuckle, adjust, re-buckle, then get back to work. This thread reminded me that I wanted to get a tri-top to see if it's any better, so I went ahead and ordered one

I think I'm going to make a YouTube channel as well, so I'll definitely be subscribing here shortly!

Taking off time from training is more so for my comfort. My school is fairly large and diverse, and we're in a big city so I'm sure they'd be accommodating. One of my weird dysphoria-related things is not wanting to be touched at all, which is kind of impossible in judo where 3/4 of every class is sparring. I'm still going to work out and take care of myself as if I'd be fighting, but my goal is to have top surgery before summer of next year, so it's not too terribly long that I'd be out.

I am on the fence about which binder to get now. I've been watching tons of reviews and it looks like they all roll up a bit. Which means with my TriTop, it rolls up at the rib cage and looks a little funny under some of my shirts. But I absolutely need a second one because now I want to wear something all of the time. I guess I'm going to order a 997. That way I'll have one of each to compare. I hope it works out okay...

BTW, when I search 997 at FTMUnderworks, the result I get is this Cotton concealer chest binder. Is that right? Here's the link: http://www.f2mbinders.com/category/search/997/60?filter=&search=997&type=q&keywordoption=ANY&cid=60&fltrdesc=

Congrats on starting T soon and good luck!

I also found the 997 rolls up a lot. I stopped wearing mine because they were actually pretty painful because of how they dug into my sides and ribs. Or maybe mine was a different one. Mine had compression panels all over.

http://www.underworks.com/men/compression-shirts/ultimate-chest-binder-tank

That's the one. It's only got a compression panel in the front. No cotton in it, it's some kind of nylon blend. Aside from the rolling up, it's very comfortable.