So I am from Michigan and lately it has been very winter like. And the last few years I have noticed that my dysphoria would get really bad. like yesterday I went to get a more feminine hair cut. It went really, really well, but when I looked in the mirror it was very triggering for me because I noticed how masculine my face looked. and normally I can shrug it off and be hopeful since I haven't started hormones I think that if hormones just soften my face a little bit I would be good. This time I was more pessimistic and found it hard to believe that I would ever look like a cis women. heres the pic of my hair


Ne ways what usually would be a positive experience ( getting a more feminine haircut) is actually making me more dysphoric. I have realized that all my strongest moments of dysphoria have come during the winter or late fall/ early  spring were here in Michigan it is super cold. does ne one else feel like that is the case for you as well

Hey Amber, you know seasonal affective disorder is a real phenomena for those of us in the northern hemisphere at winter.  You are admirably out there pre HRT and I think you will love the results once you start.  So SAD is a challenge and you may want to consider a full spectrum light for your computer desk or encourage yourself to get out doors and suck up as much daylite as possible.  It seems even the glamorous and gorgeous can find fault with a picture or image and we carry more baggage than most.  Your picture looks great to me and that really is an effectively feminine style.  Still we seem to play whack a mole and we fix or improve one aspect only to find it seems to emphasis yet another imagined flaw.  Give yourself some loving hugs and strokes along the way Hon, you're doing superbly at just being you!

thanks for the compliment. its really bad in Michigan I think because it is surrounded by water, and that makes it really wet and cloudy this time of the year through winter. so that also makes it more depressing. so we have less sunlight not only because our days are getting shorter but also because the constant rain/snow.

I can safely say the worst time of year when dysphoria runs rampant is the summer. Binders get real uncomfortable to wear during this time.

S.a.d. is totally a thing, even in southern cali. I grew up and lived in Ohio until I was 24 though, so I totally feel you. Strangely enough I also still get some of those seasonal effects here. It almost feels like a paradigm shift. People all too often tend to look inwards and blame a depression on themselves. For us, that is easily manifested into dysphoria.

Seconding the light therapy. A few friends of mine up in Portland absolutely swear by them.

Also I like your haircut, it is definitely super feminine. Once again I feel you though; sometimes after doing something that should theoretically make me feel more feminine it tends to do the opposite. Usually the days I am happiest are the ones where I wear the least amount of makeup, pay the least amount of attention to my hair, and simply focus on wearing something that is flattering but most of all comfortable. It is the days where I feel I'm "done up" that I can get a little irked by my appearance. Funny how that works.

I have SAD, thankfully it's not too bad since I moved down south but I had a hard time in northern California. I third the light box therapy, also exercise, fish oil and St. John's Wort helped me a lot. I also think your haircut looks really nice (always did like women with wavy/soft curled hair) And I agree with Tessa's post. I'm willing to bet you're going to have great results with HRT, try not to worry too much, Amber.

I hear you Amber.  I am at the mouth of this country's great river of the west, the Columbia, where it pours into the Pacific and rain pours down at 70-80 inches a year.  Oh yeah we got wetlands, bogs, fens and estuaries.  about as soggy a place as most can take.  We get millions of visitors a year and 90% are during the summer for some reason

Quote from: Marcellow on November 02, 2014, 12:35:22 PM
I can safely say the worst time of year when dysphoria runs rampant is the summer. Binders get real uncomfortable to wear during this time.

I could imagine that being an issue. luckily binders aren't something I need.

Quote from: Jennygirl on November 02, 2014, 12:40:18 PM
S.a.d. is totally a thing, even in southern cali. I grew up and lived in Ohio until I was 24 though, so I totally feel you. Strangely enough I also still get some of those seasonal effects here. It almost feels like a paradigm shift. People all too often tend to look inwards and blame a depression on themselves. For us, that is easily manifested into dysphoria.

Seconding the light therapy. A few friends of mine up in Portland absolutely swear by them.

Also I like your haircut, it is definitely super feminine. Once again I feel you though; sometimes after doing something that should theoretically make me feel more feminine it tends to do the opposite. Usually the days I am happiest are the ones where I wear the least amount of makeup, pay the least amount of attention to my hair, and simply focus on wearing something that is flattering but most of all comfortable. It is the days where I feel I'm "done up" that I can get a little irked by my appearance. Funny how that works.

I might have to look into light box therapy.

I like it to I was able to do my make up really pretty and I feel pretty good about how I look right now. So I actually feel better. a agree with what you said though sometimes putting on make up or making you hair look good can have really negative effects, because you focus on your appearance to much and we always can find something to be disappointed in. but then other times it does really help build confidence. so its kind of hit or miss on how it effects your mood.

also jenny judging by you avatar you are very pretty!

I will fourth the light box. Very helpful for the colder seasons no matter where you live.

For me, summer is the worst dysphoria wise. For the last few years I've avoided the beach, even though I love it. Binders get hot and sweaty fast. Going outside in shorts with hairy legs when I wasn't passing all the time was a constant point of stress. Ultimately you've just gotta figure out what helps and go with it. Lots of good suggestions here.

And your hair looks great!

Quote from: ftmax on November 02, 2014, 03:06:45 PM
I will fourth the light box. Very helpful for the colder seasons no matter where you live.

For me, summer is the worst dysphoria wise. For the last few years I've avoided the beach, even though I love it. Binders get hot and sweaty fast. Going outside in shorts with hairy legs when I wasn't passing all the time was a constant point of stress. Ultimately you've just gotta figure out what helps and go with it. Lots of good suggestions here.

And your hair looks great!

Thank you!!

I think in a lot of cases beaches and trans people don't mix until we have surgeries or whatever. which is sad because I love swimming and going to the beach. I really hope I feel confident enough to go in a 2 years or so.

and thanks to everyone that's commented on here! you have all been very kind and uplifting

I think I usually get pretty depressed in the winter as well. It usually gets worse for me after the holidays and football season ends. I always think, is it summer yet? Tired of the cold and snow....And ya, Michigan does suck for that.

Summer is the worst for me.

By the way I think once you deal with the facial hair you will look much more feminine, but I love the haircut!

Quote from: ImagineKate on November 03, 2014, 04:04:28 PM
Summer is the worst for me.

By the way I think once you deal with the facial hair you will look much more feminine, but I love the haircut!

don't get me started on the facial hair!!! lol jk. I have been able to save up some money so hopefully I can start them early next year.

I am not out yet so I had to wear pants this summer because my legs were usually in a shaved state. so that was uncomfortable yes but not really dysphoric.

uuugghh SAD + dysphoria = asskicking. Last week was horrible for that, with the clocks going back meaning it gets dark by 5pm here now (and having several issues with people who had no reason to know any better) So yep, know exactly what you mean! Most of the bulbs in my house are close to daylight spectrum and my kitchen light is a full spectrum bulb, but I can't honestly say I've noticed much of a difference. My SAD tends to be linked in more with the cold and outside light levels regardless of what the inside is doing, since it's easier to get out and go for walks and do stuff when it's light and nice weather.

Quote from: PucksWaywardSon on November 03, 2014, 05:23:43 PM
uuugghh SAD + dysphoria = asskicking. Last week was horrible for that, with the clocks going back meaning it gets dark by 5pm here now (and having several issues with people who had no reason to know any better) So yep, know exactly what you mean! Most of the bulbs in my house are close to daylight spectrum and my kitchen light is a full spectrum bulb, but I can't honestly say I've noticed much of a difference. My SAD tends to be linked in more with the cold and outside light levels regardless of what the inside is doing, since it's easier to get out and go for walks and do stuff when it's light and nice weather.

Yea its a pain. the past 4 winters have been among the most depressing times in my life. last winter it got so bad that i had to commit to transitioning otherwise i don't know for sure if i could have made it. this winter i am starting hormones so hopefully that helps me stay positive.