Ok after a miny breakdown last week I came to the conclusion that I am happy, I am really really happy with who I'm seeing in the mirror for the first time in a long time, and I have reached the stage where I don't care what people are thinking about me right now.


Now while we had worked out what I was going to where for my sisters wedding later this month and what we thought was going to be as boarderline andro as possible while still keeping me confortable. Now where not so sure. Now the day belongs to my sister (and maybe a bit to my brother in law). So question looking at these pictures do I have to tell my sister before her big day and if so how


These photos where taken with two different bras on and are pretty much what I'm wearing, what are you good folks seeing. Right now I am planning on comming out to everyone in my family next year, so if you see a girl any help in how to tell someone I very realy talk to will be gratefull. Also if you are seeing a girl thanks but how can I hide it for one day (I will not be wearing nail polish and mens suits have never fitted me they make me look like a three yr old playing dress up).

To give you an idea how my family see me sometimes when I do see them I always present as my avatar. No questions yet. Still I'm worried about the wedding at the end of this month. Thanks

I actually think you look really good. Cute even!  But, um, ya, you look like a woman, basically, which is good and bad. Good cuz you are happy with the way you look (and you should be!), bad cuz your family doesn't know...

The best thing I can think of at the moment to tell you is to perhaps send these photos to her and ask her her opinion on them, if you look ok, if it would be ok to wear to her wedding.

I agree that you look like a woman in those pics. You even have the hips.  I'm not sure if you need to say too much, although I kind of liked the advice about talking to your sister for her opinion .

Having planned a wedding before, I'm thinking it might be better to just not tell her and let her find out when she sees you that day, because she already probably has a ton of stress on her mind. Maybe? I don't know how big her wedding is, or how well or poorly she'd take the news of your gender identity.

I'm definitely seeing a woman, too. Your outfit isn't too striking, though. It seems plain enough to not stand out.

If you really want to hide, you could wear a dress shirt and tie instead of a suit. You could even be sneaky and get your pants and shirt from the women's department, although some people will probably notice.

You obviously look very feminine and as you said the day is your sister's and of course it has to be all attention on her. I wouldn't tell her. If you wear something nice as you have in the pic you will 'sort of' blend in a semi-andro look. It will raise questions, and be ready for them. And of course here will be unasked questions

I think the questions may be the hard bit. If your family ask stuff I would tend to say, 'today is my sister's day let talk about things later'.

And watch out for people at the reception who may have a few drinks and may act in an inappropriate manner.

That is pretty much what I'm wearing unless I find a different colour shirt that I like.

On the plus side it looks like the hormones are working just a little too fast right at this moment.

Here's hoping that my family are use to me having my hair long and my voice being the way it is for so long they overlook the obvious for now. Plus I'm wearing grown up clothes and they don't often see me dressed like this, and its my sisters wedding. (Please feel free to call me naïve if you wish)

After the wedding and before/during the reception I might just hide with my aunt and look after my cousin and nephew. Also avoid alcohol at all cost so I don't accidently let something slip.

The annoying part is this would of been so much easier if I was out to my family earlier. Shopping would of been more fun also. Ho hum next year will be interesting.

Any other suggestions please this floor is still open

You look like a woman in both sets of photos - no way around it. With the jacket buttoned it's much more obvious as I think breasts say "hello, lady!" much more than even a pink shirt does.

Of course you are not the focus of attention for your sister's wedding. If you check out your wardrobe with her beforehand, any questions from others on the day can be palmed off with "[sister] is fine with it". And they can go and get....

And yeah, maybe stone cold sober is good.....maintain the moral high ground against any pi$$head comments!

Good luck with it!

Quote from: Cindy on November 03, 2014, 01:52:27 AM


And watch out for people at the reception who may have a few drinks and may act in an inappropriate manner.

Are we talking in vino veritas inappropriate,  be prepared for a lot more persistent questions once the drinks amber gold starts flowing?
OR
Inappropriate behavior Be Careful, Be Safe young lady?

Quote from: Cindy on November 03, 2014, 01:52:27 AM
You obviously look very feminine and as you said the day is your sister's and of course it has to be all attention on her. I wouldn't tell her. If you wear something nice as you have in the pic you will 'sort of' blend in a semi-andro look. It will raise questions, and be ready for them. And of course here will be unasked questions

I think the questions may be the hard bit. If your family ask stuff I would tend to say, 'today is my sister's day let talk about things later'.

I think Cindy has nailed it.  No matter what, this is one of the biggest days in your sister's entire life.  Do nothing that might draw attention away from her, either deliberately or accidentally.  I'd be tempted to hide your changes as much as you possibly can, but address them with your family soon after the wedding.  Questions can be deferred precisely as Cindy has mentioned, and there will be questions.

The thought of anyone coming out or causing waves at someone else's wedding horrifies me.  It seems rather selfish.  Yes, it's a convenient time where everyone is gathered together and they can all see you for the first time and it can all be gotten out of the way very quickly indeed, but it's also the bride's day.  It's truly unforgivable to ruin that for her by becoming a source of interest and intrigue yourself.  Do nothing that might draw attention away from her.

That said, there's another reason why you shouldn't reveal anything at or around the wedding.  The moment you tell people about the real you, make it your big day.  You shouldn't have to share the attention with anyone else.  It's a huge, important milestone in your own life, and all eyes should be on you.  When I came out to my family, I (selfishly) wanted the attention to be on me (something I rarely enjoy, let alone seek), on what I've gone through, and on where I'm going.  That moment was mine and I didn't want to share the spotlight with anyone else.  I know exactly how a bride feels - "This is my big day, and I'll be damned if I let anyone take attention away from me."

Don't try to share her big day.  Yours is coming up real soon!

You definetly look female in these pics. And so I'm not so sure about the question of whether you need to tell your sister before the wedding unless there is noooo way of looking androgynous at the very least. The bottom line is whether you tell your sister beforehand or not, it's everyone else whose going to focus the attention on you on her very special day. It's a really dificult situation I think you've found yourself in, with only weeks until the wedding I would say you don't have time to come out to your family. Perhaps you could speak to your sister several weeks before the wedding, but I dont really think time permits to speak to the rest of the family. And so I would try to tone down on the femininity, if possible, and try to Andro it up a bit. You could tie your hair back, maybe don't paint the nails etc. I just think coming out at your sisters wedding will be a spoiler for her special day.

I know it won't be great to present perhaps how you don't want to, but I wouldn't see there is any other option. Well there is, but I think the other option will spoil your sisters big day.

Hmm, I don't think I've helped have I .....

If I were you, I would go just as you look in the pictures, and just keep a low profile. I mean, you are looking feminine, that doesn't really attract lots of attention from a casual glance. Of course, there might be a question or two, but if you don't volunteer information, I assume that people will probably talk behind your back before they talk to your face, at least until they drink. It is your sisters big day, but I wouldn't assume that going dressed like that is going to "steal the show".

Ofc, if you have an active role in the wedding that might make things a bit more complicated. Still, I wouldn't change, and I probably wouldn't say anything before hand because if it were put into words, it would almost have to sound much weirder than it is. I mean you look normal, and if a group of people who didn't know you seen you, they wouldn't look twice. I have found though, when I was trying to explain to people that I was going to start wearing proper female clothes, they apparently had very fanciful ideas about my looking like someone who did drag.....So talking about it might send the wrong signal.

I didn't read any of the responses yet because I wanted to give you my reflex reaction.

Personally, I'm seeing non-binary / androgynous to be honest with you hun, and you look really really cool with it too   In fact the first thing I thought of as I saw the pics was a slightly more fem (and more colourful) version the Twins from The Matrix:



(I think it's the sunglasses lol )

Also - your fem figure is more evident when your top is done up and it makes it look a bit more like you're wearing a skirt too, so I would say leave it undone if you want to bring it back more towards the male side.  Other than that, I think you'll be fine hun ♥︎

Quote from: ♥︎ SarahD ♥︎ on November 03, 2014, 10:16:28 AM
I didn't read any of the responses yet because I wanted to give you my reflex reaction.

Personally, I'm seeing non-binary / androgynous to be honest with you hun, and you look really really cool with it too   In fact the first thing I thought of as I saw the pics was a slightly more fem (and more colourful) version the Twins from The Matrix:



(I think it's the sunglasses lol )

Also - your fem figure is more evident when your top is done up and it makes it look a bit more like you're wearing a skirt too, so I would say leave it undone if you want to bring it back more towards the male side.  Other than that, I think you'll be fine hun ♥︎

I am also going to going to go agaist the grain here and say you can pull off an andro look with what you propose to wear.  If your family is used to seeing you as in your avatar you should be able to pull this off.  As the others have said you need to leave the top not done up - otherwise your figure WILL send a strong feminine signal.

You have lots of good advice here on how to handle the situation.  Keep a low profile!


Erin

I certainly agree with the others that you do look feminine. Perfect for your life in the long run. A problem for the wedding.

My comment is that unless you can 'andro' yourself back a bit toward the male, going as you look in any of the pictures, just being there will create a higher profile than you want to create.

If someone were to grow three heads and attend the wedding with the intent of maintaining a low profile would it be possible? Oh, in a crowd of perfect strangers you are NOT someone with three heads. You would fit in very well. But to friends and family who have known you for any period of time at all as male, you're going to appear as having ... well, at least two heads.

I like the suggestion of tieing your hair back and also agree that buttoning up jacket isn't a great idea, but to me the color of the blouse might be a little more feminine than the image you'd want to create. Then again, no one has EVER asked me an opinion on fashion or style!

The concept of going and not raising any red flags is exactly right. Trying to maintain a low profile and certainly staying away from too much alcohol is good. The original comment on alcohol was well warranted... do watch out for OTHERS who will have too much alcohol and then may start making comments about/toward you. While it might not be YOU who creates a scene, you still could be a focus.

Please DO go to the wedding, but it is important to make a solid effort at - just what you don't want to do at this point - projecting a bit more male or andro image. Is there someone who can help you with this in person? Pictures are so often difficult to interpret.

Meanwhile, you ARE doing wonderfully with your transition!!

@OlderTG: the reason for asking the question here was, opinion has been pretty much divided with my friends when they see me in the outfit live. On that I should at least tell my sister


Thankfully I have a pair of shoes that don't match at least should tone done any femininity with the suit. (My ankles will not be thanking me by the end of the day)

Still thinking about sending her a text, catching up with my other sister very soon and might show her first, (gauge her reaction and she is not invited long story don't ask). Sadly the aunt I've wanted to tell for the past few months can't make it. Guess who is going to have to make a trip to Queensland to tell her in person

Also previously it was mentioned I should watch out for people at the reception who may act in an inappropriate manner.
What type of inappropriate manner? More instant questions I should be able to handle (hospitality and gambling worker since I was able. Sadly its a occupation hazard)
Something different worse maybe? I would appreciate a heads up, so I'm not going in to the reception totally blind.

Quote from: Hikari on November 03, 2014, 10:02:32 AM

Ofc, if you have an active role in the wedding that might make things a bit more complicated.

I just found out I could be giving a speech instead my mother if she decides to chicken out. It is sort of fitting considering I writing it lol. But yeah this could blow any idea I had of staying at a table and hiding during the reception.  (Next weekend could be interesting)

Why is what you are wearing to her wedding so dark and black... I understand the personal fashion choices but it seems like you are going to a funeral XD but yeah you should tell her... It's pretty obvious you look like a woman