hi....

i hate introductions, i suck at them due to a lack of social skills.

no literally i have none.

but thats besides the point.


I'm Orangaline, like the color, and a lean, and im a teen girl who is very confused.

for the longest time that i could remember i was uncomfortable with my body, the way it looked, i hate looking in the mirror and hate the way i look.

i dont know what i am honestly. The easy thing to do is to just say im a masculine lesbian, but i feel like its more than that.

i dont want to accept the things that scare me, like the fact i wish i had some facial hair and that i was flat chested so i could walk around comfortably (and not to mention without a shirt, i was always jealous of that )

im afraid to let anyone else know any of this, or to even say to myself that theres a chance i could be trans, its so scary to me such a big change, even though ive been feeling this way for a long time.

i dont mean to offend anyone by this, but i dont want to be this way! i dont want to be a part of the transgender community i just want to be a normal teenage girl!!

but im not.

when i over think things i just accept that maybe i am just overly masculine, but i dont know anymore i exhaust myself trying to make up my mind.

i still feel like im a girl at times, which makes me think that maybe im genderfluid?

but i dont now, sometimes it just feels like im more than that.

well ive worn myself out thoroughly so i think its time i headed in for the night, but yeah thats me....
~O

I can't speak for everyone else, but that doesn't offend me.  I'd take the "normal pill" to be cisgender if it existed.  But there is hope - things can get better.  Reaching out here is the first step towards figuring out how you can make things better, so welcome.

Hey Orangaline,

a very warm welcome! What you're experiencing is scary, so it's normal you feel the way you do! It took me nearly forty years to acknowledge that I am trans. And I'm still scared (but also very happy that I finally figured things out).

Don't rush anything. Have a good look around and discuss your feelings with us - for me this helps to see things more clearly! Gender is a very broad and diverse spectrum - take your time to explore where you feel comfortable .

Hey Orangeline

Welcome to Susan's Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

You're not alone with your feelings! Please look about the forum and you will find many guys with similar issues and concerns.

Please check out the following links for general site info...

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
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Cheers

Grace

Hi Orangeline,
Welcome to the site.

Your feelings are extremely common for all trans*people no matter what direction they are heading.

As my psychiatrist once said, I can change your body to match your brain, but I can't change your brain to match your body.

You have full support and acceptance here, don't worry - we do know what it is like.

Hugs

Welcome to the site. I'm pretty new here, myself, but I think what you're feeling seems reasonable and that the support available here is solid. I've been with my husband a long time (since we were teenagers, actually), and the process of transition was a slow one. Overall, I think it's ok for you to have questions and fears, and it's also ok to not know the answers just yet. Like I said above, the support here is solid and I'm confident you'll find a great amount of information in more directions than you can imagine.

Enjoy the site, and I hope it grants some perspective and some confidants, if not quite confidence (at least not immediately). Cheers!

Welcome Orangeline to Susan's family.

I am not going to add much there has been good supportive advice given already.

Take things a day at a time, work the big issues and do not stress minor details.

Hugs

Hello Orangsline
the big warm welcome to Susan's place you have already gotten some great advice and the only thing I can add to that is, are you seeing a therapist. They most certainly would be able to help you with who you are, you will find some very valuable information on these forums. Everything is at your fingertips, so pull up a chair, relax and let your fingers do the walking. I wish you nothing but the best of luck on your journey and made the Angels always looked down upon you and help guide you on your journey.

Hugs,

Melissa Ann

I was in a similar place at your age, sucked it up and moved on because I didn't know trans* or even genderfluid was a thing back then. Dealing with it now instead... Good luck with your journey, I'm pretty new around here but they seem like good helpful people

Hi Orangaline, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm up near Boston. You did fine with your introduction. I'm glad you found the site, and I hope you find your answers here. See you around!

Hugs, Devlyn

Hey!

I know exactly what you mean. I'd give anything to just be normal, to be able to be what everyone wants me to be, it'd make my life so much easier. Thing is, I'm 25 now and it got to a point where hiding and putting up false images for other people was just too much. I just knew it was time to let the people I cared about in on my secret. Only you can know when the time is right, or if it ever will be, to transition. I found it easier in college since it's way more relaxed than highschool, socially speaking. The best info I can give you is that you should trust yourself, and trust your family and friends. Support is there for you hun <3.

thank you all so much for your kind words!


i am seeing a therapist and today was the first time i actually started talking about my discomfort with my body, i didnt say much just that i was struggling with some internal conflict and i was uncomfortable with my body. she sai as "women" its more normal to feel that way, which of course threw me off because it made me feel squirmy to be called a girl, but i agree with all said that its gonna take a long time.


i think im gonna start binding soon, maybe ill look around at some posts about that or make up my own, because all i really know is never to use an ace bandage..


well again thanks guys! i wasnt sure if i was gonna be sticking around on here but after the really warm welcome i think it will be well worth it
~O