hello out there i would realy like some advise, at the moment i am struggling with the fact that i want to transgend
in to a female, i have started dressing again in secret as i am married, i feel i am pulled in so many direction . one is my own to go further and transgend .but the other is my family ect even tough my marrage is not in a good condition at the moment,and i dont know if it is my attiude , or life , as i am 47 i feel time is against me , at the moment i am taking herbal hormones ,  and just lately it is  leaving me feeling slighty depressed thanks brenda

Hi Brenda, welcome to Susans! I know it's a tough gig being transgender. All the things your worrying about are not new to most of us, there exactly the same things we've all worried about, or still worry about. I think you'll know when the time is right for you. I mean, there are logical things to consider, such as is my health in a good place for transition, am I emotionally ready, can I afford to lose some pretty major things in my life?

It shouldn't be taken lightly and I would suggest the best thing you could do is speak with. Gender Therapist or Psychologist who is experienced in this area.

Transition is not easy, nor is the decision to transition. Build up your support tools, a therapist is a great one. Your health and psychological state is also another. Being in the best shape you can will help you to deal with all the challenges ahead.

And regarding your wife, I don't have an easy answer at all for this. What will be, will be. Communication is key, in the end, she may feel she didn't sign up for this, and call it a day. She may also say, thankyou. I knew something was wrong. It's not easy at all, but when you decide on a path, it is very rewarding.

Good luck and you'll find a heap of valuable resources and great people here at Susans.

Hugs,
Bree

Hello Brenda,
I agree with Bree, Start with a therapist who can help you with all the feelings and emotions you are feeling. You need to do what's right for you but you also need the safety net of support under you too catch you when life seems to be falling apart. Honesty is always the best way to deal with a SO. It's a good thing to have questions about what you want and where you want to go, so really be honest with yourself. I wish you nothing but the best of luck on your journey and my the angels always be looking upon you and guide you on your path.

Hugs,

Melissa Ann

Hi Brenda (cool name btw).  As others have said, therapy would be the best place to start.  Sort out those feelings in your head as best you can with the help of someone experienced, and then decide what you want to do.  In the short term, I personally found that even going to therapy alleviated some of the intense dysphoria I was feeling - that alone helped improve my own attitude towards my marriage.  Many successful transitions start in the gender therapist's office.

As an aside, and as someone fascinated by language, I love how used "transgend" as a verb.  That's the first time I've ever seen it, and what a great evolution of the word!

totally agree with everyone

Hi Brenda.

I am new here (last few months) and about to start my journey late in life, as you are considering. I am 53, married for over 25 years and am just beginning to answer all the questions my life has been asking forever. I have great considerations for my personal, social and professional life and have found that therapy with a good gender-related therapist has helped significantly to moving towards an end; an end I cannot fully plan for, but am smoothing out the spikes as I move forward.

Baby steps, is what I highly recommend. Find the answers, whatever they may be in your life, for your needs, then begin to branch out the understanding how your path may effect your life moving forward. Envision.

This is a very arduous process, and highly personal to you alone; be patient.

I am 47 as well. I thought the hardest thing I would ever do was to come out to my wife. Turns out it was not. And she is still here with me. I only figured out I was transgender in January if this year after seeing a therapist. At the time I thought seeing the therapist was the hardest thing I would do. I have been cross dressing since I was about 4. Hiding it from everyone. Every time I let my partner know I was a cross dresser the relationship ended. And cross dressing was never the reason stated as the reason the relationship ended. My current wife is the third partner I have let know about me and she is still here this time. I just told her this weekend I am starting hormones. And that now was the hardest thing I have had to discuss with her and she is still here with no plans on leaving yet. I don't want this but I am doing my best to deal with it. It does not go away. And it is never too late. The struggles are hard. And we are all here for you. A good therapist and the proper hormones from a qualified doctor are the most healthy way to go.

Quote from: brenda jayne on November 04, 2014, 03:26:14 AM
hello out there i would realy like some advise, at the moment i am struggling with the fact that i want to transgend
in to a female, i have started dressing again in secret as i am married, i feel i am pulled in so many direction . one is my own to go further and transgend .but the other is my family ect even tough my marrage is not in a good condition at the moment,and i dont know if it is my attiude , or life , as i am 47 i feel time is against me , at the moment i am taking herbal hormones ,  and just lately it is  leaving me feeling slighty depressed thanks brenda

Hi Brenda Jayne,

I'm going through the same thing, I'm 52.  My therapist has definitely helped, it's nice to have someone supportive to talk with. For the last year I've been debating about taking low dose E, just to see if it can settle my dysphoria.  I waste so much time thinking about this.  By the way, be very careful with herbal hormones, they can be very dangerous to your health.

Take care,
Paige

Quote from: Paige on November 04, 2014, 01:43:46 PMFor the last year I've been debating about taking low dose E, just to see if it can settle my dysphoria.  I waste so much time thinking about this.

Too much time wasted.  Try it - chances are it'll settle the dysphoria with some very slow or non-existent physical side effects.  Nobody will ever know, other than the fact that you'll be a far calmer, nicer person to be around.  Worst case, you can always stop.

QuoteBy the way, be very careful with herbal hormones, they can be very dangerous to your health.

Great advice.  Go endo or go home. 

Quote from: Paige on November 04, 2014, 01:43:46 PM
For the last year I've been debating about taking low dose E, just to see if it can settle my dysphoria. 

Yes me too. Since January. I have my first appointment with an endo tomorrow. So nervous, scared, excited and everything else. But I can't wait.

I am also 47, Wife knows and she still supports me. Have my 3rd Therapist visit tomorrow and will be going in Girl Mode since my Therapist requested it.

On Friday she has me also set up with a Psychologist (M.D.) to make sure I'm sane.

My Therapist already gave me a recommendation on Laser hair removal, and HRT I will not start until after Hair removal on my face. (I hear it's less painful before HRT?)

It seems it's going fast but it really isn't.

As a Retired Military Vet, I have a lot more issues I will need to handle/change in my process. All those Military documents will take finesse, on top of all this other stuff. But..
I need to be Happy.

Jessika

Quote from: Brenda E on November 04, 2014, 02:57:20 PM
Too much time wasted.  Try it - chances are it'll settle the dysphoria with some very slow or non-existent physical side effects.  Nobody will ever know, other than the fact that you'll be a far calmer, nicer person to be around.  Worst case, you can always stop.

Hi Brenda,

It does sound like the right thing to do but I'm concerned with a few things.  I'm worried this will make me feel wonderful and will open the doors to a full transition.  I love the idea but it would probably screw up my family and hurt my children.

My wife sort of tolerates my ->-bleeped-<- as long as I don't show it.  I'm worried even with a low dose I'll start to show.  I guess I could stop, but I probably wouldn't want to.  I have a bit of a problem with erectile dysfunction now, this is probably going to make it worse.   I don't know, my wife wouldn't be too happy.  My therapist says I could always get a Viagra prescription.  Would that even work?

Anyway that's my current excuses to procrastinate

On the other hand, I've talk to my GP (Family doctor) about low dose and he's investigating it for me.  Does anyone know if there's much scientific research on the subject of low dose E and dysphoria?

Thanks
Paige

Quote from: KatrinaLynne on November 04, 2014, 03:30:41 PM
Yes me too. Since January. I have my first appointment with an endo tomorrow. So nervous, scared, excited and everything else. But I can't wait.

Good luck.  I'm very excited for you.

Quote from: Jessika on November 04, 2014, 04:11:57 PM
I need to be Happy.

That really sums it up.  Can you go through life with this boat anchor around your neck or can you try to be happy?  For me that boat anchor is really getting painful.

Hope everything goes well this week Jessika.  Sounds like you're really going there.  Enjoy your happiness.

Paige