So what happened to my personal bubble space? I am not ranting or anything but I seem to be bubble-less. People touch me and put their hands on my arm now when talking to me. I don't quite know how to deal with that. Tbh my first reaction is to tell them to back off but I don't say it. It kinda freaked me out over this last weekend.

This has happened contemporaneously with a public gender transition?

Are you becoming more approachable and friendly? When that happens people sometimes just want to be near you, and if they are the tiuchy fealy type some can forget about personal space and boundaries. Sounds like you have to reestablish that your space is yours.

You just have to say it politely please don't. The majority of nice people understand that casual contact can make people uncomfortable.

Happens to me too. Or having a guy kiss my cheek or hand... It's not always welcome. But it's just part of a number of things I have to put up with now. I'm the only woman in a house full of male roommates, so I'm the target of sexist comments, they accuse me of cheating on my boyfriend everytime I leave without him, they expect me to cook and clean for them and other stereotypical gender role crap, I get hit on/propositioned for sex, and for some reason they've all told me their dick sizes... On top of all that, my boyfriend often doesn't close the bedroom door, which is a problem for me because I sleep topless a lot. So I don't feel totally safe, don't feel like I have much privacy, and I'm frustrated with men in general... I guess that's womanhood though. :/

And that WAS a rant.

I've noticed this change myself. And I think immortalgypsy is right, I think I have much softer features, I look kinder, gentler and so I'm way more approachable. Also my mannerisms re much more friendly. Not that I was some mean oger before lol. I notice this both on the physical and emotional level. People will touch my arm, give me hugs, or just connect with me on a more emotional level.

I've always been quite a touchy feely person so it doesn't bother me too much, and the emotional level I know have with my girlfriends and female colleagues is just awsome.

So whilst my personal bubble space has reduced dramatically, in fact it may have popped, it's not bothering me too much. When this becomes unwelcome men invading my bubble, then it'll be a problem!

Quote from: immortal gypsy on November 04, 2014, 06:07:08 PM
Are you becoming more approachable and friendly? When that happens people sometimes just want to be near you, and if they are the tiuchy fealy type some can forget about personal space and boundaries. Sounds like you have to reestablish that your space is yours.

You just have to say it politely please don't. The majority of nice people understand that casual contact can make people uncomfortable.

I do to think I've gotten any more approachable. I mean smiling more I guess could make it seem that way. This was after a show(which was awesome!) but yeah I was standing with my SO and we just got done talking to a friend when the guy came up and started talking to is about random things. He kept getting closer to me and touching my arm and shoulder. Eventually my SO pulled me away and said we had to leave, so that was one way to deal with it. 

Well welcome to women life ! It's in society from long ago, women tend use gesture much more than men to interact and touches is part of it. Unfortunately we don't want anybody to break our bubbles like this but in today society it's becoming a "norm" that women easily use kiss and touches to interact in a neutral manner. It's weird but well.. It is less than the old "women take care of the home and kids" that used to be few decades ago.

Being more comfortable with yourself will also bring people in your bubble. Positive and happy peoples are magnets.

I don't think I have anything special but I got tons of peoples I don't even know talking to me of random things everywhere I go. I just go to eat pizza and it's rare that I can do it without meeting a stranger that will talk to me without any sign of my interest.

Some people are just more expansive and women tend to look and be more approachable and affectionate...
I guess I'd say try being more understanding of their intentions( if it's just a friendly touch or someone just annoyingly touching you), so it doesn't necessarily always feel awkward and uncomfortable to you. Maybe it's just how they are and they don't mean to be rude or invasive, maybe even your personality or the way you come off might be bringing more expansive people towards you.
I get you, though.  Sometimes you want your space and people continously touching you just gets annoying... Your SO did the right thing with the guy situation, if it feels too uncomfortable, it's best to leave. 

If men you hardly know are doing that to you, that's rather inappropriate. But if it's mostly women and close friends (including men), that's pretty common. Living as a cisgirl, I was always extremely bothered by the fact that people felt the need to TOUCH ME. I think women are perceived as more approachable and affectionate, so people expect all women to be ok with that kind of touching. I'm glad I'm not the only one who hates it, and I'll be glad to be rid of it soon!

Yeah um no, not normal. 

Quote from: Gothic Dandy Luca on November 04, 2014, 09:31:37 PM
If men you hardly know are doing that to you, that's rather inappropriate. But if it's mostly women and close friends (including men), that's pretty common. Living as a cisgirl, I was always extremely bothered by the fact that people felt the need to TOUCH ME. I think women are perceived as more approachable and affectionate, so people expect all women to be ok with that kind of touching. I'm glad I'm not the only one who hates it, and I'll be glad to be rid of it soon!

Thank god someone else is really bothered by that. I didn't know that guy at all. He just came over started talking about the show and asked what we do. I don't mind when friends touch me like that and get close to talk. But random older guys, NOPE... I just don't know if I'll ever get used to that. Maybe I should just start looking angry again. That might help, this whole being happy thing is ruining my angry look. Stupid smiling to much thing. (Actually I don't think that work frowning now takes effort smiling is where it's at)

Also I hope you are able to get rid of that soon as well. FREEDOM from random touching!!

I guess I'm the minority here of us girls who live as cis females. I'm flattered when guys approach me and talk about random stuff. The touchy feely part, well to me it depends on my mood. If I'm in a good mood than I won't mind but if I'm in a weird mood than I step away from them so as to not be in range of touching.
But I never get creeped out by by random guys, even older ones unless they are crossing the line and making unwanted advances.
But casual conversation with a random person, if I'm not busy and have the time, I welcome them.
And I happen to be super shy and have social anxiety disorder and was almost abducted by two guys in a car last summer.
Even so I am a caring and friendly girl who like people in general and rather think of ppl as being nice than being creeps. Unless they prove otherwise. :3

Quote from: HelloKitty on November 05, 2014, 07:58:52 AM
I guess I'm the minority here of us girls who live as cis females. I'm flattered when guys approach me and talk about random stuff.

You are not the only one girl! I love the attention as well within reason of course. 

I remember a couple months after starting I was like "holy hell where did all these homeless and EDPs(Emotionally Disturbed Persons) come from!?!" Before, from background and training, I was very good at carrying myself in such a way that people, even crazy ones, avoided me like the plague(even though I'm not very big) but hormones and allowing myself to move more naturally has made it abundantly clear those days are numbered. I'm really, really going to have to be careful where I got now :/

I had an appointment with a female dental hygienist yesterday, we had an enjoyable conversation during the procedure and just afterwards, as I was leaving she felt compelled to reach out and touch my arm and then my hand, it was ok because it's what women do when they connect! I had another similar conversation with an attractive young woman where she started out with her walls up and was rather contentious, by the time we were finished she jumped in my arms and we exchanged a warm hug, cis women do these things, it's a sign of acceptance and approval when they are able to let their walls down and respond warmly.

One the other hand, I recently felt the presence of someone standing directly behind me at a store check-out counter, it was a tall man who was within inches of touching me. I turned around and told him to back off so violently that it scared him. Some people just don't seem to understand that everyone has a certain zone that one doesn't violate unless they're invited.

Women don't have a personal bubble.

I have a LOT of female friends who hate having people touch them and hug them, and yet people keep doing it anyway because culturally, people just don't have the same notion of giving women their own space. Trust me, it happens to all of us. You have to let people know that you're not comfortable with it, otherwise you're not going to get that same "you have your zone, I have mine" treatment that guys get. And even then, you'll probably still have to remind people.

Welcome to the world of not having your voice or opinions be as respected.

Quote from: Carrie Liz on November 05, 2014, 09:52:55 AM
Women don't have a personal bubble.

I have a LOT of female friends who hate having people touch them and hug them, and yet people keep doing it anyway because culturally, people just don't have the same notion of giving women their own space. Trust me, it happens to all of us. You have to let people know that you're not comfortable with it, otherwise you're not going to get that same "you have your zone, I have mine" treatment that guys get. And even then, you'll probably have to remind people, or be insistent.

I think this is where female body language comes into play, many cis women instinctively know how to cooly project the fact that they aren't into touchy-feely behavior from others. Often times it takes raising a hand in a "NO" signal to those who are less sensitive to their initial overtly projected chill.

It doesn't bother me in the least. In fact, I once became aware that a few other fathers thought something was wrong with me because I regularly hugged our youth soccer players and they started hugging me back. One remark was "You're not their mom." And another overheard remark was "Does he like kids or something?" with the obviously pedophilia implications therein.

So now living full time as a woman, it doesn't hardly bother me at all when another woman touches my arm, hugs me, puts an arm around me, or slips her arm in mine as we walk down the street. I'm completely comfortable with those things but I can understand how some people conditioned otherwise might not be.

It bothers the hell out of me when men invade my space and talk to me all up close or touch me. My usual response is to become the uber b*** and be rude as possible and leave. That usually works but why should I have to be the one to be forced away....like I was sitting on a park bench last month and a guy just come sits right beside me and starts talking....not even a "is this seat taken?" Icebreaker. The second someonetouch me without my permission I am going to tell them that it makes me uncomfortable, I am not going to stay silent.

Thus very issue is one of the things that really bothers me.

Edit: I know it is a double standard but it doesn't rally bother me when other women touch me on the shoulder or get close to me etc. I dont think it is my sexual preferences either, it just doesn't make my alarm bells go off in my head the way it does when men do that stuff.

Quote from: Hikari on November 05, 2014, 12:06:38 PM

Edit: I know it is a double standard but it doesn't rally bother me when other women touch me on the shoulder or get close to me etc. I dont think it is my sexual preferences either, it just doesn't make my alarm bells go off in my head the way it does when men do that stuff.

Probably because cis men tend to have inborn predatory tendencies whether they intend to be that way or not, whereas women aren't so inclined and tend to be more nurturing with girlfriends and relationships. I think the big problem arises when a man makes assumptions about how well received he will be by a woman that he really doesn't know and then has the nerve to overstep what we would all consider a woman's natural boundaries. If they are so insensitive that they don't get it then they need to be told that they are acting creepy and it's not appreciated.