Hello all,
I'm not quite sure yet if I should consider myself trans. If I were, I would be FTM, non-transitioning, at least for the moment. I have very few friends/family who would even begin to understand the thoughts in my head about gender and sexuality, and so here I am, trying to figure it out. The one friend I do have who is open to this sort of thing is, of course, only one person and she is not trans* but Bi with a preference for males, so can only help me so far.
So, about me: I grew up in a tomboyish fashion. Everyone assumed it was because my primary contact as a young kid was almost exclusively male cousins, whom I had to keep up with or play alone (My older sister was JUST old enough not to want to play with her little sister). That was my thought too, at least until a few years ago when I met my very open Bi friend. We were in the same college program and she liked to ask the *big questions* like "Do you like boys more, or girls." I like the aesthetic of both the male and female figures, but mostly its a LOVE for the cut of a toned body of any gender! (I guess I could be omni-sexual in the visual sector at least.)
One of the BIG reasons I haven't thought much about my preferences and feelings in regards to gender has been that I was raised Catholic (I hear the booo, hisssss already
) And I still firmly believe my faith, I just think the understanding of gender and such is beyond what the conservatives think!!! As a Master's of Religious Education Student (in process) I also know better than most of the crowd who say
GAY = EVIL
(see what I did there? it's more of an =/= than a =!)
Anyhow, back to the story... So, I had my friend's question rolling in my mind from then on. I don't feel a need to have a significant other, or to have children, so thats not part of my mix. But recently two things in my life have cause me to really consider this... and please... yes I'm a geek and yes, it's behind a computer screen, but it's not how we come to it, but what we come to I think?!?!
So, those silly little quizzes on Facebook pop up, and I take the "How girly are you?" quiz and come up as 25% girly (meaning 75% boyish) and that little word "tomboy" comes up again. And here I go, gotten ahead of myself...
I'm not working right now because I am living with pain that is barely manageable with prescription strength pain medication. (Read stuff they regulate with triplicate forms and everything!) So, my geeky self does things to distract myself. I enjoy a good Roleplay - be it Science Fiction, Fantasy or what have you. I've played real time, text based, e-mail and forum versions. Almost invariably I gravitate to playing male characters, and even find it difficult to play a female character, despite my Real life gender.
In real life, my fashion choices are definitely more along the lines of the male gender and I do NOT like makeup (Thankfully I don't have to wear any as I have an excuse - I break out in hives). I also prefer a more male style of clothing (I will post me in a Steampunk outfit I cobbled together). But more than that, when I get into real life conversations with my game mates, I have only once been pegged as female before I told anyone. EVER. If I don't self identify, they assume I am male and the perception never changes. I am completely comfortable with this, and prefer the male designation.
I don't know if I want to transition, if I AM trans or what, but I want to figure it out!
