How do you deal with a constant reminder that's attached to you every day, the pain, discomfort and still try and tell yourself that someday things will get better?

I want top surgery so badly, but don't qualify for care credit, I have no health insurance right now(the state F'ed that up for me) and right this moment we live in hud housing.
The depression I feel is sometimes so over whelming I can't even work. Which is counter productive to the whole, bettering my life situation.

I haven't had this bad of dysphoria in so very long and it's emotionally eating me up. I can't afford even to see my therapist since I have to pay out of pocket for it.
Need to move first, get off state assistance first.. I can't just blindly put money aside for this surgery.
I need a way to deal with this feeling of wanting something I can't have before I do something really stupid. I don't want to go down that road again.

Hex, hugs

I am sorry you are going through this.

Can you go to group? There is a  trans men specific and three trans mixed groups that meet weekly in Philadelphia. I am sure there are more but these are the ones I know of. Perhaps going to a group session weekly can help.

I am sorry you have bad dysphoria, I can relate. Is there anything you can do such as exercise. I know this helps me.

There was a group that was happening once a month but the last few months they haven't held it. Think they lost a place to host it at. And I don't think there's anywhere else and I'm unable to host or else I would.
I do exercise when I can, was hoping maybe if I could reduce the chest it would help but no such luck yet. And I've got such severe acne some have even turned abscess. It's like my body hates me or something.
Thank you for the suggestions <3 *hugs*

Hi Hex!  I know how hard things are when you are not happy with yourself and the thing you want the most seems impossibly out of your reach, but what usually helps me is to remember that I am not alone in my struggles.  Like Cynthia Michelle said, group is great for that.  But, even if you cannot attend a group right now, I think this site is a pretty good substitute , and you are already reaching out here.

The second thing I try to do is focus 110% on the things I can affect, whether it be directly related to your dysphoria, like maybe working out to build your physique, or just working towards your goal in general.  Try not to focus on the end goal, and instead focus on achieving each step to get where you want to be.  It's easier to think of your goal as a series of small steps rather than one big one.  This way, you can celebrate each little success along the way and (hopefully) stay sane and motivated instead of depressed and hopeless.

And, you need to stop thinking of your top surgery as something you can't have, and instead think of it as something you just can't have yet.  I know it is easier said than done (like most things), but you will achieve your goal and nothing is impossible!  Good luck.

Thank you Wendy. I hadn't thought about that yet. Suppose I get wrapped up in so much every day toiling I forget a lot. I will try and def work on things more. Thank you again!

To be honest the only thing that kept me distracted prior to transition was having a crisis at work at required me to be utterly focused on resolving it. I could also see that things were moving forward, that I was on HRT and there would be a day when I could be who I am. It takes some hope, some pragmatism and an acceptance that some days will be crap regardless.