haha.
the bad thing about growing up is that we start believing that one bad experience means every experience with that thing will be bad.
maybe i should go back to thinking like a kid. ok, so i got hurt a few moments ago. but i'm not dead, so it's safe to try again...

but then again, physical pain is a little easier to withstand. kids are terrified of emotional pain and will often not express some things if they've learned that expressing themselves will be punished by yelling, silence, or other forms of emotional violence.
that makes things a little scarier, but coming out to someone you can trust could give you that one good experience you need to continue in hope rather than fear.

I believe in you! You are an amazing person and you deserve to be happy. Keep in touch! <|:)

Feel free to message me any time you need to talk. I have been through the same types of things as you and I know how hard it is, but please remember that you are wonderful and honest and brave. You are amazing.

This goes for anyone on this site, as well. I may not be the most experienced at transitioning but I know what the terror of coming out and such feels like. Feel free to come to me when you are feeling low. <|:)

Dsyphoria and stress are becoming physically unberable. I feel as though I'm drowning. I can't do it. I really can't do it.

don't listen to your feelings.
look around you. where is the water you feel like you're drowning in?
look at the sky. can you see any cracks in it?

dysphoria doesn't kill. the only way to die is to actively take a step towards it.
dysphoria can't push you. it feels bad, but that's all there is to it.

what was all that stress about again?
i hate stress. tried for a long time to run away from it, but it was really no more effective than trying to run away from my own shadow.
dealing with it worked though. now i can recognize it when it tried to creep up on me, and just poke it and tickle it till it gives up on breaking me down.

i believe you can do it.
you've got it in you, all you need to do is some soul search, and you'll find it.
what did that therapist say btw...?

I stopped going. I got too scared.

owie... well, it's not like i don't understand.
i've run away before too.

just please try to trust me on one little point...
it doesn't disappear just by running away.
it came back to bite me in the a when i teied to ignore it away, when i run away from those who could help.

at least don't run away from us, ok?

Quote from: Taka on November 05, 2014, 01:48:13 PM
owie... well, it's not like i don't understand.
i've run away before too.

just please try to trust me on one little point...
it doesn't disappear just by running away.
it came back to bite me in the a when i teied to ignore it away, when i run away from those who could help.

at least don't run away from us, ok?

I ran for fifty years, but not fast enough to escape me.  If only I had turned, faced myself and embraced myself, so much fear would have vanished.  It's early dear, go back to them or find one you can open up to.  Someone has put in your mind something that makes you see yourself as not of beauty.  It is untrue, find your beauty it is there, inside you, someday outside.

I have acute body dysphoria, and I am so better now.

Stay with us, get unstuck, take a small step towards self acceptance and pull on your support, I know you have the contacts.

Come on little one, it's time to find yourself, you will be a diamond, you just don't know it yet, it takes time to find that out.

Blessings and love,

Satinjoy

The thing about running away from yourself, eventually you catch up with yourself and run smack bang into the back of your head.

The key is to embrace instead of collide....

Quote from: Satinjoy on November 06, 2014, 05:56:58 AM
The key is to embrace instead of collide....

Yes, this. And to remember that life is a sequence of temporary measures.

There are so many things I'd like to change about myself but it's so frightening. I'm frightened of feeling wrong or feeling disgusting or not feeling comfortable. I'm feeling ever more trapped and lonely and hate myself more and more.

Big drastic changes are scary, but change is also incremental. Lots of small steps will add up over time, and boom, before you know it you've left your starting point miles behind.

Start small, identify one thing, one tiny little thing you can change today and do it. It may not even make any discernible difference, but if you keep chipping away things will change. But at the same time they won't because you'll still be you.

I can't think of anything I could change. I think that's the biggest difficulty. I don't know what the most comfortable thing to change about myself is. I'm scared if I don't change something that I'm going to die because it's becoming so unbearable.

I think you need to rethink therapy and go back...

A tiny tweak, any tweak, might help, I agree with taka.

Quote from: Alexi on November 06, 2014, 11:31:56 AM
I can't think of anything I could change. I think that's the biggest difficulty. I don't know what the most comfortable thing to change about myself is. I'm scared if I don't change something that I'm going to die because it's becoming so unbearable.

Alexi

When in doubt and when overwhelmed, a therapist really does help.  They taught me that I had the strength and the ability to make a change.  They taught me that just making a start, just taking a single step made the difference. In my case just talking to someone about my feelings, my fears and my dreams took so much weight off my spirit that I then knew that there was a way forward and with help, with someone listening, with someone coaching and helping me find my way that I could create the life that I yearned for and find the person that I am.

Being suffocated and feeling trapped is not a given.  You can change this.  You deserve more than this.  Please take that first step.

Safe travels

Aisle

I'm such a waste of everyone's time. I'm so sorry. I'm trying so hard.

Buy a skateboard an learn how to drop in. No messing. Life isn't half as scary once you know you can fall at the floor and miss.

i don't feel like i've wasted anything.
i'm writing to you out of my own free will, without expecting anythimg in return.
all i hope, is for you to find a path to a better life.

i'm really sorry i can't find it for you though.
things would be so much simpler if that were the case.

(did you know that therapists don't bite?)

All we can do is show you the way, only you can open the door.

Quote from: Dread_Faery on November 06, 2014, 02:55:02 PM
All we can do is show you the way, only you can open the door.

And once it is open - make it damn sure that it stays that way .