Well hi all:) I thought it was about time I said hello.
A little background, I'll try to keep it short, no promises though
I started the transition process a long time ago when I was 19 (mtf). But it was a HORRIBLE experience! It was a bit different back then I think. I was given a psychiatrist who couldn't keep the look of disgust off his face whenever he had to talk to me, not that he ever really talked, just asked things like' So how are you feeling in yourself?' and shuffled paperwork, lol. Then I was sent to see a transwoman living locally. She was so unhappy, she never seemed to leave her flat and really had nothing good to say..at all. I was alone, no family or friends and it all terrified me so much that I stopped.
Bring on the years of drugs and alcohol!
Anyway, here I am, 46 years old now, married with three children and desperately trying to force down the worst surge of dysphoria, depression and self loathing I've ever dealt with..and believe me..I've dealt with a few!
I still hide it all away, you know how it works, play the male role, overcompensating badly
Various reasons, family, total lack of money etc make transitioning seem like an impossible dream for me..and of course the evil part of my mind whispering 'you're TOO old!'
Wow! don't I sound like a ray of sunshine???
I'm not really sure what I expect from posting all this, it's part 'hello' part 'HELP' and part 'getting it into words'.
Ohhhh! I said I'd keep it short!
Hugs all:)
Chrissy
