I started to transition over a year ago and have always believed myself to be TS. I saw my GP, who reffered me to local pschyiatrists who then refered me onto Charing Cross Gender Identity Clinic. I have always crossdressed, but have had a female Gender identity , in that my mind doesnot match my body. At an early age I told my parents I wanted to be a Ballerina when I grew up and wore an Alice Band. My mother prevented my farther from finding out. Later on borrowed my mothers clothes and progressed from their. At Primary School I wanted to join in the Girls in activities, Kiss Chase, So I was made an Honorary Girl by other Girls as I was a boy and couldnot join them.

Over last few years it has progressed to the extent that I have a wardrobe full of clothes, shoes etc. The intial eroticism has worn off me and it has been replaced with this pattern of dressing fully including handbag and shoes and wanting to go out in broad day light. I  have not mastered going beyond the front door except on two or three nights. What stops me is my the fear of being 'Read', that I might not pass. Also I live at home with my farther and I have never told him. Although I did along time back in a letter, but never had any argument with over it or discussion.I was twelve and I tried to make an attempt on my life, but failed, because my parents wouldnot discuss it, and I felt that later on in life that I would not be able to cope being like this and the shame of it. I donot feel like that now and would never under any circumstance try again.

I started to take Hormones illegally, which I would not recommend anyone else to do, without Medical Supervision. I originally took them as a diagnostic test. I had read that if you are a TV that you stop when you are on Hormones, you donot like the changes that take place. If you are a TS then you take them, because the changes are right. (Simplistic I know their is more too it than that). I liked the changes that have taken place and would not go back to being Male.

Before Christmas I saw a Gender specialist at Charing Cross and was diagnosed as being a 'Dual Role ->-bleeped-<-'. The Definition of a Dual Role ->-bleeped-<- according to Bancroft is cross-dressing, with the desire to adopt the clothes, appearance and behavior normally associated with the opposite gender. For me it is not simply 'dressing up,' as I am a  Dual Role ->-bleeped-<-.

The dual role ->-bleeped-<-, also known as androgynous, is like the transsexual except that the gender dysphoria is not strong enough to be debilitating. This type of ->-bleeped-<- feels relatively comfortable functioning in both male and female roles. Here all that has been said about the transsexual's brokenness applies with the addition that the dual role ->-bleeped-<- is more likely to reach a compromise to preserve existing relationships while still allowing some expression of the "other-genderedness." In some cases the compromise is to make a feminine gesture of sacrificing happiness for the sake of others.

From The ICD-10:
Dual-role Transvestism (F64.1) has three criteria:
4.   The individual wears clothes of the opposite sex in order to experience temporary membership in the opposite sex;
5.   There is no sexual motivation for the cross-dressing;
6.   The individual has no desire for a permanent change to the opposite sex

Cross dressing: is the desire to adopt the clothes, appearance and behaviour normally associated with the opposite gender. For some it is simply 'dressing up' while for others, known as Dual Role Cross dressers, it is the need to adopt the opposite roll as fully as possible, on a temporary, or on a full time basis. Sometimes such individuals are medically referred to as 'Transgenderist'.

The Psychiatrist said that a solution for me would be to live as a woman in my home and personal life and retain my male identity to go to work. The problem me is that while this is a solution that is acceptable I know it won't be enough for me. I am now more confused than I was before and just want to stop exploring it, including the counselling, because  it leads too much pain. While I would like to continue down the transition route this diagnosis is a significant block as I am not going to get any further help from the NHS. If I do choose to continue then I will have do things privately much harder. Now I am no longer sure that I am a TS because of the diagnosis which is confusing. Probably the only way I will really know is by doing an RLT. I donot want to give up the Hormones which the GID clinic want to me, because I like the changes and donot really want to back. What do others think ? Do I accept this diagnosis or continue further. The diagnosis is how they see me on the day. At the end of the day I have to accept it.

First of all I would like to welcome you to Susan's and thank you for posting such an interesting question.

Unfortunately I am not qualified to give definitive advice to you on this subject, but I am sure that there are members here who will be able to.  As you mentioned it would seem that your options with the National Health Service (NHS) are now very limited and it seems as though you are going to loose your script for the hormones.  This is not the end of the world as it does seem the prudent thing to do by the NHS as there is a lot of confusion on your part, and further HRT would not be recommended until you have the issues sorted out.

RLT would be a good road to consider however, the personal, social, workplace, and family consequences should be thoroughly researched by you before pursuing this course.  Remember that the purpose of RLT is to reduce the incidence of post-treatment regret, by giving you more time to realize the full and sometimes unexpected consequences of transitioning.  Also keep in mind that some of the consequences of RLT can be dangerous and irreversible.

My thoughts,

Again welcome to Susan's Chantelle, enjoy the site.

Steph

I to agree with everything Stephanie just posted to you.

I wanted to add that Your Answers are within you. A lot of educating ones self can clutter and cloud our take on things. The more you keep digging for the truth from with in the more you will learn about yourself and be able to have clearity. Ask away all your thoughts and questions here as the discussing unfolds you'll be more clear with where it is you stand.

Good luck on your journey,

Smiles,
Peggiann

Welcome to Susn's, Chantelle!

I find your life experience to be a similar to mine in many ways.  I'm confused, however, by the pschiatrist's recommendation that you live as a woman on a part time basis and the prohibition of HRT under such a diagnosis.  Even if it's part time, how can you transition even part way without at least some hormonal modification?

I am totally unfamiliar with NHS policy but I would explore the possibility, if I could, of acquiring a second opinion, especially if this one feels so wrong to you.  Or, perhaps, you can express these reservations to the psychiatrist?  Perhaps, with more information, he or she may modify their position.

In any event, don't hesitate to come to Susan's for information and advice.  Reading and posting on the forums as well as the rest of the site have helped me positively deal with my issues and I think will assist you too, no matter what the future brings.

Again, Welcome!
helen

Hello Chantelle, Welcome.

I have one question...

Quote from: Chantelle on January 15, 2006, 09:13:22 AM...
From The ICD-10:
Dual-role Transvestism (F64.1) has three criteria:
4.   The individual wears clothes of the opposite sex in order to experience temporary membership in the opposite sex;
5.   There is no sexual motivation for the cross-dressing;
6.   The individual has no desire for a permanent change to the opposite sex

Cross dressing: is the desire to adopt the clothes, appearance and behaviour normally associated with the opposite gender. For some it is simply 'dressing up' while for others, known as Dual Role Cross dressers, it is the need to adopt the opposite roll as fully as possible, on a temporary, or on a full time basis. Sometimes such individuals are medically referred to as 'Transgenderist'.
...

Does this definition of Dual-role Transvestitism fit you Chantelle?

The diagnosis of 'Dual Role transvestism' doesnot fit my situation entirely. An area where it is weak is 'The individual has no desire for a permanent change to the opposite sex'. I have a strong desire to change sex, as my mind does not fit my body. It is female in thinking and attidude. When I sleep as well as when I am Crossdressed I take on the other Gender role.
I presented myself at the interview not fully crossdressed, so I think  the Gender specialist didnot want to take me that seriously. Another point was that I started to crossdress and did so for erotic reasons. These feelings have changed over time so for me it is about my Gender identity. As I want to go out and live and pass successfully as a woman.  I unfortunately said that I did not 'hate my body enough'. To be a transexual you musn't like your penis. The only thing that is stopping me from pursuing this is that I live with  my farther. My circumstance acts as a break on travelling in this direction. If I was living on my own I would present full time as a woman. The Gender specialist disagreed with me saying that their is nothing in my background and from what I told her to indicate that I was a TS. This was before I said any of the other things.

The solution of being a dual role ->-bleeped-<- is a step forward as it could work for me. However I believe that I won't be content as  I will get tired of this situation and never really have a chance to be complete. The Gender specialist said that some dual TV's get tired of flipping between the male and female roles. Some eventually prefer the female role more and then they go on to transition. However majority are quite content to live like this and some never seek to undergo transition.

On the Hormone question I never got a medical prescription or guidance for their use. I am self medicating . Again I would not recommend anyone else do it this way without medical surpervision and guidance. I am contented with the changes that have taken place. However I have to go back to Charing Cross and they will then take a blood sample when I am free of them to compare with the one when I was on them. They will then tell me how much damage I have done to myself. They want me to be free of them as I do not need them as I am not undergoing transition and the risks from their use outweigh the benefits.

Although in the Standards of Care it says that some people are content to use Hormones for their well being even though they have no intention of transitioning. For them this is enough and they are contented with this.

It sounds like it might be worth trying to challenge the diagnosis, if such a thing is possible, then perhaps? ... Just make sure you are totally honest

Hi Chantelle,

Welcome to Susan's. Thankyou for your post which seems to ask as many questions as it answers.

QuoteFrom The ICD-10:
Dual-role Transvestism (F64.1) has three criteria:
4.   The individual wears clothes of the opposite sex in order to experience temporary membership in the opposite sex;
5.   There is no sexual motivation for the cross-dressing;
6.   The individual has no desire for a permanent change to the opposite sex

Cross dressing: is the desire to adopt the clothes, appearance and behaviour normally associated with the opposite gender. For some it is simply 'dressing up' while for others, known as Dual Role Cross dressers, it is the need to adopt the opposite roll as fully as possible, on a temporary, or on a full time basis. Sometimes such individuals are medically referred to as 'Transgenderist'.

To begin with this description pretty much describes me. I live very comfortably in this role and while that's nice for me it doe not necessarily sit well with others. We each have our own path to follow and it seems to me that you have not quite defined yours.

QuoteThe problem me is that while this is a solution that is acceptable I know it won't be enough for me. I am now more confused than I was before and just want to stop exploring it, including the counselling, because  it leads too much pain

I think you may find that it is your descriptions of what you may experience rather than what you are experiencing that has led the Dr. to a foot in each camp diagnosis. It may only be that you need to go further down the path of self discovery to clarify your situation.

QuoteThe only thing that is stopping me from pursuing this is that I live with  my farther

Of some concern however is the fact that you do not seem to want to make the sacrifices that others here have made to take the enormous step of transition. I too am not prepared to take this step and have learned to live with a foot in each camp which may or may not ultimately be where you learn to reside as was said earlier you are the determinent for this.

Good luck Chantelle on your journey of self discovery and I hope wht I've said helps a little. Look forward to meeting you more often here at Susan's.

Shelley