Hi everyone,

I'm two months into MTF HRT and have been satisfied with my results as of late.  Of course, there are a couple things that I just wish would go away, such as my muscle mass and the gauntness of my face, but overall, I'm satisfied.

However, I experience severe jealousy, and I just don't know how to deal with it at times.  It's mostly towards women, but I also get it big time whenever I come across another MTF transgender who has seen remarkable results by this stage of the game.  It hurts so much that I just want to obscure myself into my room for several months without looking at the mirror so I have nothing to trigger my jealousy.

As an example, I work with this girl who's absolutely stunning, and I can't bear to look at her.  It just kills me whenever she crosses my field of view, and it's typical for me to have to run off to the bathroom and shed some tears.  It's just as bad whenever I hear her talk and acknowledge that she has a more feminine voice than I could ever attain.  I get these feelings every single day because my college campus is just filled with gorgeous women.  Worse yet, I walked past a beautiful girl the other day, and as opposed to looking at her and thinking, "Wow, what an inspiration", I immediately just got this short mental construct of me shooting myself in the head so I could quit feeling as much jealousy as I do.

To make matters worse, there's going to be a transgender panel in my human sexuality class next week, and I'm really hesitant to go because I just know that I will be jealous of someone's results (even though I should be happy for them), and it will be too difficult for me to even look at them.  It's the most painful experience I've ever dealt with.  Does anyone have experience with jealousy?  How do you deal with it?

Thanks,

Jasper

Welcome to womanhood, dear. It is an almost universal condition among women to be uncomfortable with our looks in some way and to wish we looked differently. It mellows as we get older, but it seems to come along with being members of the female gender.

A lot of us deal with it by recognizing other traits or accomplishments in ourselves that we like and our proud of.

If I see a woman who is stunning, my usual thought is more along the lines of "I wonder if she is into other women and single?" So maybe that insulates me a bit from it effecting me too negatively.

I think the biggest thing though is that I really got comfortable with who I am. I am never going to be a size 0 no matter how much I lose, but I have learned to appreciate what I have and in that I get a sort of understanding that I shouldn't feel bad because what I have isn't bad. I might get more attention if I were a size 0 or if I had FFS or DD breasts but, I do not feel that people with those things are better than me.

Jealousy is quite normal however, if it is so bad that it like interferes with work or school in a meaningful way perhaps some professional counseling might help.

Hikari, wearing size 0/00 etc. isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'd much rather have some wider hips at this point.

I do get jealous... it's all part of my dysphoria, and sometimes it would affect me pretty badly.

However I notice my wife is now getting jealous of how I fit into some clothes. With my existing gynecomastia and some development from previous HRT, in some dresses I have a pretty good figure. She asks me if I'm wearing a padded bra... ummm no I'm not.

She also gets jealous of how I have the motivation to lose weight. She has been battling with it for a long time now and I've just been dropping the pounds like crazy. She told me to slow down!

But yes, I do get jealous of trans women, especially those who started earlier on. I get jealous of cis women a lot too. I never really got jealous of men, not even the hyper muscular tall guys.

I experience jealousy, envy. It sucks, but it's there. I don't have the answer unfortunetaly...and although I pass 100%, have an apparently beautiful feminine voice, have been praised by other women and men, get hit on regularly, it does not eliminate envy. Can we ever truly get rid of this awful feeling? Unlikely.

Jealousy is part of human nature whether people are trans or not. Some people are absolutely beautiful, and everyone else is jealous of them. Forget being jealous of a person as a whole, almost everyone is jealous of specific features of other people.

i have same experience everyday as you, but i have been facing it since i was born. now after 18 years i don't feel any jealousy towards stunning girls around me. as you said it's only been two months since your HRT, this jealousy would fade away itself with time. lady! you just need to make yourself strong. and more than that a true friend 'd always help you get above such depressing feelings (i had a friend who could realize what i was thinking just by looking at my face).

Jealousy is a pointless emotional state the world is better off without.

I do get envious at times but just as much people are envious of me too. So it almost never bothers me if I see a stunning woman..cause I myself have been called stunning. Sometimes. So it's like meh, w.e

It's funny how being on HRT has changed the way I've been thinking. Before starting HRT, I would look at a woman in have lustful thoughts about her and of course always wishing to be her now I think about how I can obtain the look that they are wearing, the hair style they have. Would that color nail polish look good on me. Yes I do find myself jealous sometimes of them being able to wear some of the heels that they wear of some of the really cute outfits that they have on that I'll never fit into. But I also find that they have become envious of me also, there envious of the openness and the carrying that I am displaying. It really is amazing how things change so rapidly in your thinking,  what you feel and the way you express yourself. Once the poison in your veins is diminished.

Hugs,

Melissa Ann