I've known for a while I'm a trasgender person, but I've never really seeked help on the matter. I told my mom and she thought I was joking, years passed and I suppose she has completely forgot about it.

I for one have not, and I hurt more every single day.

So I thought I'd come join here, to see how others cope with this.

Thanks!

~Victoria~

Hi Victoria,
I just joined up today as well.  Your situation sounds familiar...I hope you find some help here and I  look forward to reading some posts from you,
Best Wishes
BFKate

  Hi Victoria,

Glad you came and shared your existance with us. I hope you'll share often and help others learn from your experiances too.

I'm Leah's signifcant other and have found this to be a very helpful place to come to grips with many issues Leah and I face togther.

Welcome and I look forword to reading more of your posts.

Smiles,
Peggiann

Thank you for the welcomes, everyone! It's nice to know I'm accepted somewhere.

Welcome,
Glad you posted today. You will read several perspectives on life which might be similar to yours. You can also write your own perspectives and knowledge.

One thing that is a given. You will never forget your a transgender person, though others might forget clues and past conversations. And knowing who you are (not just tg, but anything about you) is the greatest start and power to living any life that you desire.

There is lots of help here, and in return you can help others out.

Welcome again.

Kendra

Yeah I know it's never going to dissapear...

So I wrote this on a blog, and I thought I'd share it, it kind of goess into some depth of how I feel, and how my parents reacted. It's the first time I've really shared it in public as well.:

As of now I hate my life. I don't hate life, I just hate my life. It's obvious what's going on with me. I was one of the unfortunate few born as a male, but really a female. I hate to call it a problem, because I know there isn't really anything wrong with me, I'm not stupid. I'm a normal person... I just was born in the wrong body...

I love my parents, but let me get into them. My parents aren't supportive. Why? Because she wanted a perfect family. A boy and a girl. She got her wish, and very much at my expense. She's told me so many times before that she was so happy to get a son... It kills me. In so many ways. To think that I'm going against her... I love her, but this isn't fair. I am a female, whether she wanted it or not.

I've tried to ignore it. but basically a lot of things bring it to my mind. I can't even go to the bathroom without wishing I was truly female. Due to that, I stopped using public restrooms at all costs, unless there's a unisex/family bathroom nearby and then I run to it... but basically I hurt myself so much to do that... I can't stand the thought of ever using a Men's bathroom again. I hated how they always left the seat up. and when they didn't put it up they'd get it all over the seat. Disgusting! It is a true struggle being me, and I wish I could just use that Women's bathroom, just once... and it worries me doing it at home even, my parents could be very aware of this because of hints my dad has left at various times, the other day before a movie I put on my mom's jacket, and he was like "You like wearing women's clothes, don't you?" Though it's possible he didn't mean it to be offensive, it may have been as well. So now I take showers to hide it. I'll ask to take a shower then go to bathroom. Someday they'll probably discover that pattern as well! I HATE THIS!

Okay, some time for some more...

I've told my mom before, and she thought I was joking. She tried to talk me out of it, and tell me it was a phase people go through. I just couldn't believe that. It was too mentally painful and serious to be just a phase. So I tried to talk to her more about it, because I knew it was serious... She just wouldn't listen to me. So I started wearing girl's underwear. I also snuck in my sister's room and stole a bunch of her clothes (funny, how she is barely shorter then me). Though I was never caught with those on, I was caught with the underwear, and she immediatally got on to me for it. In fact for a while she checked to make sure I was wearing guy's underwear... That really plunged me further, knowing that she doesn't support me at all.

Nowadays, my sister is gone, and so is her clothes. I'm stuck with nothing. I can't dress up like a female like I used to... It's sad for me...

Anyways, my mom got really frustrated at the thought, and in order to get her from getting really stressed I had to tell her a lie. I told her that the problem was actually my height... and she quickly got happy again. I guess since then she hasn't worried... but it's been on my mind all along.

I wish I had supportive parents, I actually wish I would have been female in the first place. This torture is not neccessary. I don't know what I ever did to deserve it.

~Victoria~

Hello Victoria,

Welcome to Susan's. You can take comfort in knowing you are not alone. As you read through the threads here you will find many who share your story and your pain. We will be here for you. I can say that it does little good for you to appease your mother by lying to her about what and how you are truly feeling. Even if she wants to remain in denial or get sad over your revelations, in the long run there is nothing to be gained by it for either of you.

The thing about coming out and transitioning is that there will be many sacrifices. You have to be prepared for the worst and hope for the best. It all boils down to, what are you willing to do? As you read the threads here you will also find out about the many ways people have had to sacrifice family, friends and careers to become the woman or man they should have been. So fix yourself a cup of tea or other age appropriate relaxing beverage, sit down, take your shoes off and set a spell.

Good Journey

Cassie

Yeah, I know it wouldn't be easy.

but I can never live happily without a transition... I don't get this. Why do we have to go through this? I don't know why I'm still here...

Victoria,

Hello and welcome to Susan's place.

If it will help at all, maybe you could let your Mom read my introduction here in the forums. It may help her understand it won't go away. In my teens a Dr. told me it would...but it didn't. He lied.
I have coped by staying busy and different commitments through the years. Now I'm almost 60 years old and feel I've lost the youthful years I could have had as a female. If you or your Mom would like to email me it's fine. I hate to see the anyone putting this off or shoving it to the back burner.

Leah

Victoria,

You weep as you relate your story for us and I too as I read it. You need a hug but the best I can do is...Tell you to put your arms crossed over you in front and reach as far as your hands will go to your back... now squeeze... and say I love me out loud.


I hated how they always left the seat up. and when they didn't put it up they'd get it all over the seat. Disgusting!

Oh my... I can relate to this... Leah did this thing with our boys as they were growing up. She told them to put the seat down. She insisted on it as we only had one bathroom in our house. She told them no woman would want them to leave it as you have so accurately discribed. That they needed to do this for me. "It was out of respect, Leah said, for you Mom". When we read through your post I said, "Oh wow Leah is this what you were feeling and labeled it otherwise to hide it from me as you hadn't told me yet of your true self?" She said, "Yes that's where it stemmed from. But it was for you as a woman too. It came from what I thought I would want if I were living as a female."

Another Aw Ha.

Thanks for sharing!
Smiles,
Peggiann

Aww thanks!

I think I'm going to enjoy it here. Getting this out anywhere makes me feel good... and a little better about myself.

People referring to me as "she", "her", or any female pronoun brings a smile to my face.

You can call me Tori for short too, because Victoria is a really long name.

OK if you prefere Tori,

I think they are both so pretty.
 

Smiles,
Peggiann

Hello and Welcome Tori.
    I know just where you are coming from( just like alot of the other sisters do). Its not a very good feeling to go through any of this. Amd to let you know something, MOST, parents choose NOT
to accept their child is going through this. They refuse to listen, thinking we are suffering from some mental problem. But, its not.
And then the people in the world who are the same, and get really hateful twards us.
  You did find a bright spot in the dark world of the transsexuality.
These sisters here will help ( and do love helping) the rest of us with our questions of feelings. This really helped me.
     once again welcome.

Welcome, Tori !

You've come to the right place if you want support for where your feelings truly lie.  I had similar feelings when I was younger but was unable (in the dark, dreary pre-internet days) to get any information on it and, thus, repressed it for many years.  I can very much understand the pressure you're under from your parents.  I received a good portion of the same kind of thing.

If your parents won't come around it may be some time before you can express yourself openly and having to be patient sucks but the time will pass.  Hang in there, express yourself in the virtual realm and know that here at Susan's you can be who you really are.

Check the rest of the site, there's quite a few very good links to other sources for TG people and the Wiki here at Susan's is also very good.

Again, WELCOME!
helen

Hi Tori,

Welcome to Susan's. It saddens me to read your story but also gladdens me to see you sharing it. I think one of the best things at Susan's is that we are able to share that which annoys and hurts us.

You sound like a lady who although in pain knows where you need to go. I think that as Cassie said the threads here share the experiences of others that will help you to find your ultimate path. I wish you well on that quest and look forward to chatting with you here.

Shelley

Thanks everyone...

I just don't think my parents, my family, or even my friends would accept me... My grandma, I think, knows it's a real thing, so she doesn't really doubt it...

but others like my Mom just tell me I'm not really feminine (ignoring a lot of things I do...) My sister tells me I could never understand the pain of a women... but I've gone through so much mental pain, I'd actually kind of enjoy that... (do I sound crazy? :-[)

I know it sounds wierd, but I'd actually give anything to go through the menstrual cycle... :-[

QuoteMy sister tells me I could never understand the pain of a women... but I've gone through so much mental pain, I'd actually kind of enjoy that... (do I sound crazy? )

I know it sounds wierd, but I'd actually give anything to go through the menstrual cycle...

Know you are not crazy or wierd. As you get to know us and read the many posts here you will find that many of us feel the same way. In the venacular of my generation, I dig were you're coming from man, it's cool little birdie. (man is used interchangeably with male or female)

Cassie

Tori,

I do like your name... I know I said that already but I do, I do.

Please read one of my recent posts. "Setting the Stage" in the Just for us Forum. Leah is pleasantly surprised at the acceptance she has received. Maybe reading this will give you some hope.

I can speak to you from the heart of a mother. When you have a child that you have loved and nurtured and laughed with and cried with all their life, you don't just stop loving them when something as monumentous as this comes up. There will be shock yes and the will be hurt that how could I have brought a child into this world that is so unhappy and so formed in-side-out and backwords and upside down and what everelse the formation could have gone wrong with it. The guilt of this knowledge will be very hard to take. Probably the same feelings from a Dad. He has done all the father son things and thought he was doing it right. He'll be devistated to find that he really had been doing them with another of his daughters instead. Ambarrasment maybe that their boy, son is anything but perfect. That they weren't capible of producing the perfect off-spring as society knows them.

Tori, Dear, you have to know that time can be a healing potion. When you move forword and become the woman you desire to be you will then be truely happier than you have ever been. Happier than your parents have ever been able to make you. Happier than your Sister has ever seen you. That will be what helps them understand you new what was right for you all along. Your sister will become more accepting as she see you feeling and experiencing the womanly hurts and pains that she thought you never capible of and that in itself will draw you closer if given the chance. It will not come easy but it will come in time if you share this new you and not hide it away from them and never ever lie about your feelings to spare them again. That hiding will only delay this closer life you can have with them. Start today to build the new relationship so you will not be in pain for much longer and neither will they.

I know some will say this is not what might happen. Some have lost everything, homes and families and jobs... their whole life. I'm the optomist in our home and I choose to believe in people and that love and communication can conquer all. I have seen it happen more often than not. So give it a try. Be Patient, Compassionate, Loving, Forgiving, and very sharing. You have everything to gain and will have a clear conciense in the end knowing you handled it the best and most honest and true to yourself way you could. That will help you face the woman in the mirror every morning in the end.

You are still in my prayers.

Smiles,
Peggiann

Yeah, I really do wish someday they will accept me for who I am. I'm not doing it to hurt them... I'm just being myself, that's all.

Quote from: Peggiann on January 18, 2006, 09:27:03 PM
Tori,

I do like your name... I know I said that already but I do, I do.

Please read one of my recent posts. "Setting the Stage" in the Just for us Forum. Leah is pleasantly surprised at the acceptance she has received. Maybe reading this will give you some hope.

I love the name Tori (Victoria) as well, that's why I chose it...

By the way, I don't think I know of any "Just for Us" forum... I'm sad I really did want to read that.

Tori,
Click Forums at the top of the pageunder Susan's Place. Then scroll up to Introductions. The next one below it is Comunnity Conversations: The first forum in the catagory if "Just For Us".

Smiles,
Peggiann