So I went to get my haircut, but I chickened out, and bought into what my hairdresser said...I look too female to be a guy, which I actually do in person. I figured I'd never pass. So she cut my hair...but only shoulderlength, and feminine. So I thought, "Hey, I do look good", and everyone said I looked like a supermodel. So I went to buy "girl clothes" at the store, and while the outfits were nice, they just weren't ME. Nor is this haircut, but I am afraid to cut it too short, I've had long hair forever, in fact, the last time I had it this short I was about five years old. (I did cut 10 inches off, which I will be donating to Locks Of Love.) I am also afraid to show myself to people as male, but I am almost disgusted by looking so...feminine. Not that I mind femininity, I like it on some...just not me. I bet when I come to school, everyone will think my "boy clothes" were just a phase...I am more and more sure it was/is not. Possibly trying out being male showed me how truly male I am. I didn't want to go back to being female, yet sadly I have...Eventually, hopefully I'll change, and become male once more.

For now I am starting to get depressed. I feel like I've lost myself. I think I look for a girl very good...but I don't WANT to be a girl. Maybe this is just because it's been raining for days. Maybe it's my bit of bipolar acting up...but I don't know. I just don't feel like myself. I now strongly feel that I want a sex change. But I wish I didn't have to get one in order to be male. If I could make three wishes they would be:

1. To meet Cher

2. To find love

3. To be able to be myself (male)





-Merrick

Quote from: Merrick-Scott on October 14, 2007, 01:58:57 PM
So I went to get my haircut, but I chickened out, and bought into what my hairdresser said...I look too female to be a guy, which I actually do in person. I figured I'd never pass. So she cut my hair...but only shoulderlength, and feminine. So I thought, "Hey, I do look good", and everyone said I looked like a supermodel. So I went to buy "girl clothes" at the store, and while the outfits were nice, they just weren't ME. Nor is this haircut, but I am afraid to cut it too short, I've had long hair forever, in fact, the last time I had it this short I was about five years old. (I did cut 10 inches off, which I will be donating to Locks Of Love.) I am also afraid to show myself to people as male, but I am almost disgusted by looking so...feminine. Not that I mind femininity, I like it on some...just not me. I bet when I come to school, everyone will think my "boy clothes" were just a phase...I am more and more sure it was/is not. Possibly trying out being male showed me how truly male I am. I didn't want to go back to being female, yet sadly I have...Eventually, hopefully I'll change, and become male once more.

For now I am starting to get depressed. I feel like I've lost myself. I think I look for a girl very good...but I don't WANT to be a girl. Maybe this is just because it's been raining for days. Maybe it's my bit of bipolar acting up...but I don't know. I just don't feel like myself. I now strongly feel that I want a sex change. But I wish I didn't have to get one in order to be male. If I could make three wishes they would be:

1. To meet Cher

2. To find love

3. To be able to be myself (male)





-Merrick

Hey Merrick-Scott,

Okay so I'm probably just as scared as you when it comes to being yourself, except I'm a MTF.  Either way though, eventually I know I'm going to need to do it to be happy, take that plunge and just don't look back or regret anything.  I'm fighting myself to just grow my hair out right now, as I've never had it long before in my life.  Sort of like you, but with short hair.

Either way though, I know this is something I have to do to be happy and content with myself.  Sure, people will say their remarks, but what do I care anyways, I just laugh and move on.  Either way it's not something to be upset over.  In hair sense, when my brother accidently shaved off all my hair a couple months ago i just thought, well look at this, this is going to certainely be a funny story.

Just live life, love it for what you are, not what other people want you to be!  I know you can do this too, your just fighting yourself right now.  Eventually you'll move on, I have faith in you and your decision.  Don't get depressed, fight it by getting your hair cut by some unknown at a Supercuts or something   Tell them what you want, and I bet they won't even hesitate.

You can do this, and we all believe in you!  Take the plunge, maybe I'll be right behind ya

I will take the plunge, but maybe in a year or so. My mother wont let me get my haircut by anyone unknown.


-Merrick

Quote from: Merrick-Scott on October 14, 2007, 02:18:16 PM
I will take the plunge, but maybe in a year or so. My mother wont let me get my haircut by anyone unknown.


-Merrick

Ahhhh.  Well it's good that your at least respecting your mom in that sense.  Eventually she'll probably let up and you'll be able to make your own decisions.  I don't think you should get depressed, your just simply passing time until you decide on what you want to do.  It's just part of life.  Everything takes time, but no one has patience   (General statement not saying that as in specific toward you or anyone else)

Well... Id recomend bideing your time,  try to be yourself as much as possable. <It seems to soften the blow when you fully come out> and well, be patent...  patents is a virtue... its also a waste of time...  But in the end, Id rather waste time waiting for the right bus than ride around in circles forever    Take care and good luck

   I think there are a lot of short styles for women that you could just comb differently for when you want that male look.  I'm not advising you to start a war with your mother, though.

   Maybe you can push your hair around in a way that captures that young male slacker look.

   Don't let yourself get down about it.  You have plenty of time to think about what you want, and when the time is right, nothing will stop you from going for it.

Please remember to take care of yourself.


Rebis

ahh, sorry you're having a hard time dude.  Stick with it, be strong.  Even if on the outside what people see is not what you want them to see, at least you have a better sense of who you are.  Not everyone can say that.