Hi all,

This is something I've seen referenced a few times around Vlogs and forums, and as it has become suddenly quite relevant to me I wanted to gather opinions.

Have any of you guys felt you have had to put some (or all) elements of your life on hold during some (or all) of your transition?

To give some context:

Pre-transition I was very career hungry, essentially a workaholic always aiming for the next promotion. I was working in a very cut-throat environment, and I actually witnessed another guy attempt to transition who ended up leaving as the pressures of the job made it impossible. (e.g. when you are working until 2am every night to a deadline, you can't just step out to go get your shot or have a consultation).

Seeing that, I decided to temporarily move to a much nicer environment (although stagnant from a career point of view) and it was there that I began hormones, went through top surgery, and made a whole new stealth life for myself. I then got complacent about my journey. I had always been hungry for lower surgery and I will not feel complete until this is done. But, I was in (what I thought was) a happy relationship and so I trucked along for another 2 years progressing neither career nor transition. I think the happiness from this new life, being stealth and accepted 100% really blinded my original goal.

That relationship, on which I based too much of my life has now ended. It's time for me to do what I want. After being bored silly in my job for so long, I'm hungry to get my career back on track. HOWEVER. I am 100% set on Phallo, and if I stay where I am now it will be very easy for me to take all the necessary time off (yes it will be stealth so will have to lie a little) but it won't be a problem. Whereas if I leave to pastures greener, it is unknown in terms of the level of pressure, hours expectations etc - and I'm afraid it will just end up changing my focus again.

Additionally, on the relationship side. I don't like not having a girlfriend. BUT. I don't want a sexual relationship again until I've had lower surgery. I know everyone is different - this is just me, but that's how it is.

So overall I guess what I'm saying is, I feel like I'm going to be putting career and love life on hold for the next 18 months in order to get where I want to be through Phallo.

What are people's views and experiences on this? Is this unhealthy?

cheers

Tough decisions.
I'm trying to get some of life's loose ends tied up before jumping into transition with both feet, so I'm at the opposite end of this dilemma. Not easy decisions to make.  Good that you have so many options, though.
Chris

Thanks, hope your interviews are going well Chris

I put my schooling on hold in order to work to have money for top surgery. I don't regret it, I'm just getting to the age where I will have to pay for my own medical insurance in a year or two and I'm just starting school and still working a sucky job.

If I were you I would get the lower surgery if you have the money. What's the point of working yourself to death and not even wanting a girl while you are doing it?

Quote from: lost.cowboy on November 16, 2014, 11:07:51 AM
Thanks, hope your interviews are going well Chris

A couple of phone interviews. One consulting contract that might come through (fingers crossed!)  A few acknowledgements of my resume.  I'm getting enough feedback that I'm not discouraged.
Chris

I feel you here. Prior to starting to transition, I was hunting for a new job. Mine is never what I originally set out to do, and there is only so much upward mobility here. Despite that, it seems like it will be a good place for me to transition in terms of acceptance from coworkers, understanding about needing days off, etc. Now my transition is on track to be about where I want it to be by summer of next year.

After that, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Provided that coming out at work goes well and I'm able to keep my job and comfortably transition over the next year, I'm tempted to pick up and move following top surgery. I've heard a lot of people talk about stealth living being stressful, but I think it would be good for me to start over in a new place with few, if any, social ties to my past life. But that also brings me squarely into your dilemma with bottom surgery. I know I'll want it at some point. Do I stick around in this place/job that I don't really enjoy just because it's a good transition environment? Or do I chance the unknown?

Ugh, it's tough dude. Interested to hear other's experiences here.

No, I haven't put my life on hold. I'm going to university, taking care of my son, dating, etc. Actually, I feel like my life was on hold before I started transitioning due to psychological stuff that was going on- including dysphoria.

I think it depends on the person and their situation. What works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another. That doesn't make either "wrong" or "better." It just means that people have different lives.

lost.cowboy, I'd like to respond, but my answer may be different based on your age.  Can I ask how old you are?

It's certainly dependent upon your personal circumstances, but personally I would put the love life and career on hold until I was at a place where transition wasn't likely to hold me back.

Well my psychiatrist and my mom won't let me put my life on hold  So consider yourself lucky that you have the option.

I still have to find a job and deal with transitioning stress. I feel like looking for a job at this point is a waste of time but I'll do it or else I have to go back to school and I'm too confused and anxious to do that.

I think this is really a case by case thing. Will waiting for Phallo make you an overall more productive person? Will it make you happier?

For me personally, my life didn't stop because of transition. I was married, graduated college and got my first professional job in the two year span that I started T and had top surgery. I took it all on without stopping, and I am now looking at grad school and publishing. Transition, while difficult, was never reason enough for me to stop anything. But, that's my personality. I'm like a t-Rex in a china shop sometimes.

I had some crippling depression put my life on hold for me. I got to re-evaluate my priorities. I moved in with my girlfriend (from Chicago to central MA, where I live as male even though I'm pre-everything). I was going to start HRT, but I'm trying to have a baby instead. Living as male gave me the space to make that decision, though. It turns out that I'd rather have a low-paying job and not want to kill myself rather than a more impressive career.

From what it sounds like, if you're dead set on getting phallo some point in your life... might as well do it now while you have the chance? I personally feel like I need to get transition out of the way in order to take on life fully and know where I want to be. I'm now sorta taking the space and time to reflect upon my goals and how transition has changed that. But like everyone else said, it's a very personal decision, and it's best to think of how you want to move forward. Think five, ten years down the road, where do you want to be?

I'm assuming in a highly competitive, stressful job, you at least were making good enough money to afford phalloplasty. With that said, if you can afford the time off and surgery, go for it. I'm a student in college with mediocre grades trying to get into a competitive field (Nursing) and I know if I could afford time off from school and work to better myself mentally and further my transition, I would. You don't want to reach an age where surgery will be more costly on your body and then look back and wish you'd done what you needed to do. Self-care is really important. You're not being selfish if you do this.

Quote from: beaver on November 18, 2014, 07:16:05 PM
I personally feel like I need to get transition out of the way in order to take on life fully and know where I want to be.

Also, this! This is exactly how I feel and didn't quite word it that way before. I've had a few people in my life remark that my transition went from 0-60 this fall, but it's gotten to a point where I can't wait any longer to get things done. I can only imagine how you feel embarking on the home stretch. At the end of the day, you've gotta make the decisions that feel right for you that will get you to where you need to be.

My vote? Stay put until you're done with surgery, since you're in a good environment to do it. If you have the skills and the drive like it seems you do, finding another more rewarding career will come easy to you at any point in your life.

I didn't read the other replies, so forgive me if this is redundant.

Lower surgery will take a lot out of you, physically, at least. Emotionally I was elated!  Anyway, I only had a meta with hookup and implants, not a whole phallo, so going through multiple stages will tax your body even more physically.

Personally, if your job is decent, low stress, and will afford you time off to get this done, I'd say stay put until you are all healed.  You will have the rest of your life to go get 'em and make a mark for yourself.  If you're not going to be happy without a penis, go get the penis!

I did it while I had a job with disability benefits; current job doesn't so I'd be screwed if I needed to take 6-8 weeks off again.

Good luck!


Jay

I put off getting a job and went straight into my masters. One of the reasons was due to transition the other due to bad job market. Either way I'm doing good in grad school as many people are respectful to me.

I would work that boring job or get a job that is in between the fast pace one and the one you have.

I'm currently really hoping I can figure out enough of what's going on and where I'm headed that I can get back on track with my drama school applications. I've worked really hard this past year to get myself to a place where I'm ready to apply (again - I did years ago with no luck) and I'm having a real internal fight over whether to delay another year to get a better handle on my identity, or just to embrace this as something that happened along the way and just expect/hope everyone will just deal with it. That's a hard thing to do when I am already so sensitive to how I think other people percieve me, but it has to come down to priorities. "me or my career" should be a no-brainer but when your career path is so intrinsically a part of you that's not a straightforward question any more. Also, y'know. Food and a bed are important too.

Thanks for the replies everyone, really interesting to hear different experiences and opinions.

Quote from: Brett on November 16, 2014, 06:31:24 PM
lost.cowboy, I'd like to respond, but my answer may be different based on your age.  Can I ask how old you are?

Hi, sure - I'm 29 (but the big one is less than 6 months away...)

Quote from: lost.cowboy on November 23, 2014, 12:58:35 PM
Thanks for the replies everyone, really interesting to hear different experiences and opinions.


Hi, sure - I'm 29 (but the big one is less than 6 months away...)

You're young.  Do it now and then at age 31-32 (when it is all done), you will be able to kick butt and move up the corporate ladder unhindered emotionally and physically.  You will still be in your prime at age 31 and with the solid background you say you have, you can jump right back into the fray of things and be on track for success.  DO IT NOW.