Hi girls, let me start by saying you are all amazing. Anyone living this confused life that we live deserve all the accolades possible. Probably unwanted, but deserved. I am delighted to be part of your forum. I am in my mid 40's, completely closeted and looking for a way out. I am so down, I struggle with the thought of "coming out", but I have to do something. I am married, with a beautiful wife and a gorgeous daughter, and I don't want to let them down. But this desire to transition to female is now overwhelming, and I am having trouble fighting it. I have completed the COGIATI and SAGE ""quizzes", and overwhelmingly they confirm my suspicions that I held since I was 8 years old (that I can remember, I recall being jealous of the girls shoes at school..LOL!). I know they are not wholly accurate, but they indicate what I feel.

Lately I have been thinking about this all the time. Yesterday I had a bad day at work and consoled myself by buying a new pair of heels, ballet flats and underwear...some sort of link there I am sure. Today I worked from home and was enFemme all day , complete with make up, wearing my wife's clothes. I don't have my own wardrobe, but she is a stylish dresser so it works well....I recently loss 35lbs chasing her dress size....and I think I look hot (if not a little conceited) if I do say so!!, and have realised that I need to fix this. I have shaved all of my non obvious hair, and have started growing my hair out to a feminine hairstyle (still deciding between the pixie cut and the faux hawk), and just need to get out of this horrible male existence I have been placed in.

I don't know what I need from you all, but I need something....I am so sad that I burst into tears driving the car yesterday and have drunk a bottle of wine today consoling myself. I haven't yet sought couselling but something needs to change.....

Please help.

Hi Hon,

First thing is to find a gender therapist. A good therapist will help with both your feelings and how to deal with your relationship.

Thanks Cindy, very sound advice...I must do that and start sorting this out. Thanks for taking the time to reply, very kind.

Sarah
Welcome to Susan's family.
There are a few here that should have information to help. I totally agree with Cindy, a gender therapist is worth having as a tool to help you along the path.
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Safe passage on your path, popcorn?

Izzy

Hi Sarah,

The big warm welcome to Susan's place. It's always nice to meet a new sister. You will find many beautiful people here that have gone through or are going through the same feelings you are. A gender therapist is a great place to start as they will be able to help you sort through all your feelings. They would also be able to help you to move forward if that's what you decide. There is a vast array of information and some great resources to be found here. Everything is right at your fingertips, so pull up a chair, relax and let your fingers do the walking. I wish you nothing but the best of luck on your journey and may the Angels always look upon you and help guide you on your journey.

Hugs,

Melissa Ann

Welcome Sarah,

As Cindy and Melissa have said, find a good gender therapist to help you sort things out. For me, as for many others, one of the best things you can do for yourself. It could be a rocky road ahead but a lot of good people here willing to help.

Hugs,

Hi Sarah, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm from Boston. You'll find your answers here and a ton of friends too! See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

Thank you to all of my new found sisters for your replies. It's time to move ahead!

Hi Sarah, and welcome to Susans. I'm in my 50s and in the closet and like you have a beautiful wife and children that I cannot hurt. I'm glad you got to spend yesterday en Femme for the full day. We closeted girls don't often get the opportunity but when we do it makes such a difference. It is so good for the soul!
You have already had good advice from the other girls and I agree that a good gender therapist is a good place to start. You'll also find lots of support here. The girls at Susans helped me through some very difficult times.
Hugs,
Ciara.

Hugs Ciara, thanks for your reply. Yes, a full day enfemme is good for the soul, just makes you look forward to the next one more.