Well, this is kind of similar to the how did you know thread.. but,

I've been thinking about how long it could take, lets say after you can initially say "okay, I think I'm a guy," to actually feeling like it? I don't know if I'm making any sense, but I feel like you can "know" something but it would still take you a considerable amount of time until your mind can make peace with it, due to all the misgendered socializing and that kind of stuff.

Or at least I think this happens, I wonder what you guys have to say about this.

Over the last couple of days I've managed to tell myself that I don't want anything to identify me as female, which then got me to say okay, this probably means that I don't identify as female, which then made me say, okay then I guess I'm some sort of trans.. I don't think this is big news to me, other than the fact that I've said it to myself (in my head), but then there's this part of me that keeps saying "well you're obviously female, what the hell are you thinking about these days." So I guess I'm wondering when (or if?) this voice in my head will become more congruent with the way I'm feeling? I've found myself (again, in my head) referring to myself as female even though right now I don't think I want to gender myself until things make more sense. Maybe it's just the scientist in me speaking of the anatomical facts...

Have you guys felt this way? Is it the same/different for people that have known since they were kids?

It took me a long time and it's still a process. When I first realised I wasn't a girl, it took me months to finally say I was a guy. And I still referred to myself in my head with my original name and female pronouns. I was much more comfortable saying I was genderqueer or genderfluid before I knew I was male. I've, especially being around people who respect my identity, been getting better at not misgendering myself in my head, but even now, I still slip up and misgender myself to myself. It still happens quite a bit when I'm alone, and that's normal. I've known for sure that I was not female for 5 years now, I first started questioning my gender 6 or 7 years ago, and I'm still calling myself a girl by accident sometimes. I think it's just habit, maybe part of my brain saying I have a girl body, whatever it is. It still happens but now that I'm out it is happening significantly less. 

Yeah, I agree. I think its more so out of habit because you've gone by something for so long in your everyday life and in your head that you continue to say/think those things if you're really not giving it a lot of thought. I still do this occasionally myself but not as much as I used to, the more I hear and use my preferred name and hear people around me use male pronouns the better I feel. Makes the transition smoother but you're definitely not alone in that habit.

It took me a few months to figure out I am a guy and to feel like I'm just as much a guy as any other guy.

I slipped up for a few months.  Now that no one calls me by a female name/pronouns (because no one even knows I'm trans) I can't believe that anyone ever called me those things.  Even my memory of past events has altered.

Quote from: darkblade on November 17, 2014, 11:06:56 AM
Well, this is kind of similar to the how did you know thread.. but,

I've been thinking about how long it could take, lets say after you can initially say "okay, I think I'm a guy," to actually feeling like it? I don't know if I'm making any sense, but I feel like you can "know" something but it would still take you a considerable amount of time until your mind can make peace with it, due to all the misgendered socializing and that kind of stuff.

Or at least I think this happens, I wonder what you guys have to say about this.

Over the last couple of days I've managed to tell myself that I don't want anything to identify me as female, which then got me to say okay, this probably means that I don't identify as female, which then made me say, okay then I guess I'm some sort of trans.. I don't think this is big news to me, other than the fact that I've said it to myself (in my head), but then there's this part of me that keeps saying "well you're obviously female, what the hell are you thinking about these days." So I guess I'm wondering when (or if?) this voice in my head will become more congruent with the way I'm feeling? I've found myself (again, in my head) referring to myself as female even though right now I don't think I want to gender myself until things make more sense. Maybe it's just the scientist in me speaking of the anatomical facts...

Have you guys felt this way? Is it the same/different for people that have known since they were kids?

hey man, i feel ya. i get those nagging thoughts all the time, but most of mine are internalized transphobia. i would consider myself still a child, so hope that answers your question

Well, I kinda started transitioning the moment when I went from 'I want to be a guy/think that's what I am' to 'I am a guy, that's what feels right'. Because before I could really think, I'm a guy no matter what, I had so many reasons and doubts why I probably wasn't trans/shouldn't transition.

That feeling does go away sometimes and I look at myself and get hit with how 'wrong' I look. But up till now I've always found it back. This feels right, my subconcious clearly knows I'm a guy. And I've learned that I better listen to that gutfeeling, it tends to be wiser then my heart and my head :p

it comes with time, but there are still going to be situations where you think you're not "manly" enough, but you are! always remember that. you don't have to fit society's mold to be a man

It took quite a bit of time after starting testosterone and passing well before it really sunk in. Now that everyone around me views me this way, I often times forget that there was any other "me". If I see my former name on any paperwork or something I generally stop and think "holy ->-bleeped-<- I forgot about that" because I've really pushed it out of my mind. It kind of comes in stages, or it did for me at least. First is the awkward "I don't like being called 'her' (or any other gender pronoun or name), then there was the "am I passing? Do they really not see that I'm hiding something?, then there's the only remembering it when someone would see my old ID and getting super paranoid and awkward, and now it's the "I've been doing this for so long that I don't think about it anymore". The more comfortable I got in the new skin, the less I realized it hasn't always been there. That being said, within the last 2+ years I've also done a lot of learning about myself and going through completely unrelated trials and tribulations that really facilitated my growth and confidence as a person, which in turn made the transition that much easier.

I've known I was male since my earliest conscious memories, but for others it can just take time.  It's different for everyone.  Doesn't even mean you're transsexual - you could be anywhere on the spectrum.  Don't worry about fitting into a pre-determined box.