It's a really tough time right now. I am operating with very little sleep, and the stress is killing me with what is going on in my marriage. I cry my guts out several times a day.

I find little moments of joy late at night while putting on my clubbing clothes and applying a little bit of makeup. I don't know why; it just seems like the thing to do.


Come on girl, you can do way better than that. Smile like you mean it, even if you don't.




Good girl! That's much better now. Hang on and be brave; your day is coming. But it's ok to cry if you need to.

A smile is the cheapest beauty tip out there! I never leave the house without one! 

Hugs, Devlyn

When it gets to be too much, cry on my shoulder, April, and I'll cry on yours.

The marriage stuff is killing me as it sounds with you. I constantly feel like I am crying but I just can not produce the tears. Some times I just feel like I am a fake person because I can not cry or live life as I want to because I am not sure how to leave my marriage. 

So that being said I just take the less frequent happy times and cherish them as long as I can and hope one good time will carry me over till the next happy time.

Keep pushing and all will turn out right in the end.

Big HUGS and best wishes.

Davida

April you know I have been where you are now. Things will get better with time. I know that sounds shallow, but I have lived it and know it to be true.

April,

My heart goes out to you too. I too am torn between pulling the pin on the marriage and my happiness and trying to keep family together.  Either way hurts.

Big Hug!

April, I don't know what to say to you other than to offer a hug and the reassurance that things can get better, if we let them.

Traci, spending your life miserable so someone else isn't miserable is a rather perverse perspective to have, and most therapists would tell us that even when we don't want to believe them. And yet most of us do exactly that. I was no exception, until I hit a wall that was basically me telling myself "Transition or end this nonsense. Either way, stop playing games!" I would also say to you that anyone who would require that we remain miserable in order to receive their "love" doesn't really love us anyway, no matter what they say. So if you ask me, choose honesty, choose happiness, choose life. Because the path of "miserable sacrifice" often turns into death and no one wants you to go there.

Oh, April sweetie, here is a big(((HUG))) for you. I understand the pain that you're going through and my heart goes out to you. I only wish there was some thing I can do to help you through these times. I know it's not what you really want to hear, but things do get better and the sun will rise tomorrow. Just take one step at a time. I know you will make it through. I send all my love towards you and I truly hope that you find the peace and happiness that you so deserve.

Much love,

Melissa Ann

Hi April, so sorry to hear that you are sad and having issues, I am not there yet, so not sure what exactly to say.

All I can say is stay strong and try focusing on positives.

Hugs and Kisses, love Katy

Thanks Liz,

I don't want to hijack the OP thread, but you are absolutely correct. My wife and I have been counseling with our pastor (like a fundy would have a clue anyway as they deny this is a real condition, requiring real help and that you can pray it away.) I've told them that I don't expect to be around next year if change doesn't occur. So I'm looking at starting hrt after the holidays and let the stuff hit the fan after Christmas. You are right when you say you hit the wall and you have to do something or give up the thought of transitioning. At age 59 and the dysphoria so strong, giving it up is an impossibility, especially  when we don't control our feelings of gender identity. I think too many of us were brought up with the ideal of sacrifice for our family, even when that sacrifice may eventually kill us and sometimes we persist too long. The point I've come to understand is that if I begin transition, I lose my wife and son - if I don't transition, the stress will kill me and I lose my wife and son anyway, and ALL HOPE. The key words you used are to CHOOSE LIFE. There is no other option.

Thanks and hugs to all who have to struggle with this. Know you are not alone.

To April .... my heart goes out to you dear. I am in a very similar situation and it's no fun. Your juggling trying to be married and remain married with someone who, from the sounds of it, does not approve or accept of your other self. I've dealt with the same for 8 years and I'm coming to the point of what traci_k and LizMarie have exchanged. Accepting life and living it over staying in a bad situation and slowly dying. My marriage is coming to an end because I am choosing to live rather than hide away in a little closet or worse yet, give in completely and don't become me at all, even in the smallest of ways.

It's an extremely hard decision and one that needs lots of thoughts, counseling and conversation between you and your significant other. That one part I often preach but I don't do all that well myself - should take some of my own advice. Communication usually solves, one way or another, most problems.

Best of luck and know you have friends who care.

Hugs, Jenni!!

I'm always here if you ever need to PM me for support.

Keep that smile on, girly! You got this! It may seem hard now but it's just a small hill in the terrain of a beautiful life. I know you can get through this. Just keep smiling & let it pass