With my first appointment at Whitman-Walker getting closer and closer, I have been increasingly nervous/excited/scared/anxious/etc etc the list goes on. All my feelings and thoughts seem even more conflicted than normal. I have always hated who I am, but what if I still hate myself after hormones and I was just trying to escape who I am? I also feel like its too late for me and I'm too old and my body is already ruined by being female. Sure 20 isn't 'old', and tons of guys have taken hormones even later than I have...I know this...but I feel like my transition wont go as well as others seemed to. And it isn't like I'll ever fully be male and that makes me feel like a big fake.

On one hand, I'm so impatient I can't stand it. On the other hand, I fear being turned down for hormones and either having to begin my search all over again or worse, never be able to take them. Does anyone know if there are health or weight requirements before a doctor will prescribe T?

I haven't checked my blood pressure recently, but its usually around 60/40-80/60 I think? My heart rate is also low, usually about 35-45. Pretty sure my iron and potassium are low, and I may have osteopenia. I struggle with an eating disorder, which I feel is keeping me from hormones....but I feel like I will never get better from it if I don't get on hormones and am free to be myself. This may be dumb to even ask, but should I just not say anything about my ED during my appointment?

Also, with the possibility of me taking T closer than ever, I have been more bothered by the fact that I don't have a binder or clothes that I feel myself in. Something I have never been overly focused on is my lower half. I sort of just pushed it out of my mind since it seems like the least likely part I will ever be able to change...but now that's becoming something I'm a little more concerned about. Did anyone else feel more restless about transitioning as they approached getting hormones?


Thanks for reading :>

My endo will take away your hormones if you smoke. I don't know if that is true of all. The rest is just a matter of having any health concerns under control. The wonder of if it will work for you or not is common. I think you do need to mention your eating disorder because so many things can go wrong. Lying or omitting information can be a big risk to your health.

Yeah, I really don't want to lie. I just feel like every time I try to get help for my ED or anything, my ED makes everything worse...making me just want to hide it. And I don't want my relationship with my doctor to be based on dishonesty.

But, I don't smoke, so at least I have that going for me!

That is always a good start.  Do you see a therapist at all?

I used to, but I haven't recently. It looks like they do talk therapy there but I'm not sure. Even so, the drive is a bit far to go on a weekly basis, especially since gas is so expensive. They do have a bunch of groups. On days I do go up assuming I get on T, it would be nice to attend. They have a lot for depression, EDs, PTSD, and even insomnia it looks like. I'm so happy I found this place, I hope everything pans out.

I was hoping that they could refer me to a therapist that is closer to me, because I really think I need it. Money is a big problem for me, and no one that knows anything about EDs/Transgender near me take my insurance (medicare) or work on a sliding scale. Thankfully, Whitman-Walker said I qualify for their sliding scale at full discount until my medicare actually starts on December 1st which they accept! Also, it is thanks to this site I even found out about them~!

Different doctors will have different "health requirements". 

In regards to your eating disorder - I understand why you don't want to bring it up, but honestly I feel that it's not good practice to lie to your doctor about anything health-related - because you don't honestly know what kind of effect the T could have on your existing health problems.

Yeah, now that I am thinking about it more I realize how dumb it was for me to consider not bringing it up. I think I'm just in panic mode right now because every time things are going well, something causes problems and in the back of my mind I am just waiting to be denied.

Clearly, since they have ED groups, they work with eating disorders. So I'm sure they will be able to help me figure out how I CAN start hormones if I am, in fact, denied for health reasons.

Thank you guys for the responses :>

So I guess just sort of a little update. I just returned from my appointment! It went better than I expected in some ways, but at the same time I didn't get as much 'straight forward' information as I would have liked.

I got my blood tested and met with the doctor and have another appointment on the 12th of December (so impatient guuuh). I still need to meet with the psych team, but I'm hoping if my blood all looks normal I'll be cleared. My blood pressure and heart rate were higher than normal so that was good I suppose. I'm just worried the psych people will say I have to be 'cured' of my ED before I start...and I'm already trying not to have a breakdown because I accidentally just saw my weight when looking over the medical records they posted on my account...And the appointment was sorta stressful cause I felt like I was being 'tested' to see if I was really male and sorta felt crappy at the end when he was asking the guy at the desk to make 'her' another appointment.

But I'm trying not to be too discouraged. The woman who took my blood was really nice and we were talking about the science behind all the blood samples she was taking which was cool :> I asked her if she knew how long the wait was to get on hormones for people like me after their first appointment and she said something along the lines of, "Don't quote me, but usually after the second appointment people get a prescription", so that is the one thing making me feel a little better.