Wow Jen682, I can't believe how much your reasons match mine!
I've always wanted to be a female, but don't think I've ever felt like I was in the wrong body, just not the one I wanted.
I've pretty much given up on finding or even looking for a mate, partly  because I'll never be over my ex-wife, but that's another story.
Along these lines I've decided I really really would like to have breasts. Will it aid in crossdressing, sure, but I really just like the feel and idea
of having them, for myself.
I've been taking herbs (I know, a forbiden subject here) for about a year and a half and am really thinking strongly of checking into legitimate HRT
but have no desire/plans to transition due to many reasons.

By the way, I'm 62.

Julie

julie_txcd, sorry for the late reply.  I don't get on this forum much any more.

About a month ago (9 days after my post) I went off MTF HRT.  I still want nice boobs, but mostly for CD and perhaps occasional covert outings.  But I concluded that it would be unlikely for me to find a girlfriend and live "happily ever after" in such a state.  So I went off HRT and soon met a nice girl online.  It's too soon to know what will happen, but on our first weekend together she offered to let me wear her sexy night gown.   I declined and I'm not sure what, if anything, clued her in, but it could provide nice opportunities for the future and hopefully a long-term relationship.

As a side note, after stopping MTF HRT my nipples were sore for 12 more days, and my boobs continued to grow slightly more during that time.  I really miss the curves I was getting and my lower stress levels while on E.  But it was nice to start getting my libido back after 4-5 days and my muscles in the weeks after.

After 2.5 months of nipple and breast development I threw most of my breast forms away in favor of the real thing.  I would still like to know how big my boobs would get and who knows, maybe with the right girl I may find out some day.  But if the woman I cared about said no to me restarting MTF HRT, I wouldn't do it.

I'm sorry you lost your wife over this.  It sounds like that happens quite a bit in our situation.  For me, my decision was driven by my need to be with someone; to love and be loved.  I never achieved that with the women in my two marriages but I know it is possible.  You were lucky in that you did have it.  Unfortunately it makes the loss all the more painful.   But there is hope.  Hang in there and just take it a day at a time.

I would love to restart MTF HRT.  But the first time doing it I felt isolated and alone and became concerned for my future.  If there is a next time I hope it will be with an understanding woman that loves me and accepts me.  Should you decide to do HRT that is my advice; make sure you have the support you need during that difficult time.


Jen

The urge to be ME was so much stronger than any fear I might have of what might happen if I transition...I only live once and I don't want to have ANY regrets, I was ready to tough it out, get out of my comfort zone although it took quite some time but as I start to defy my own mental boundaries, I'm realizing life can be so magical, amazing, beyond what I ever imagined it could be. I don't want to be ruled by fear, regrets, sadness. Life also becomes so dull, empty, boring. We must make choices...I did, I have no regrets.