After my fiance said he wants me to carry his babies in my womb, I realized I would love too! I feel incomplete. I will never carry children inside me. Recently a person told that there's more to being a woman than looking like one. He said to prove to him that I thought like one... I was puzzled, but later on I realized I always have! What normal boy had crushes in middle school like a girl? What little boy dreamt of marrying in a white dress? Even before I knew what transgender meant, I knew I was a girl! I am a girl, but how do I marry stealth, and can't give him children? I don't plan on telling anyone, I guess I'm blinded by a fantasy. I need a reality check, it's just not fair that being completely stealth will never be possible.

This is one of the biggest pain points for me too . I love children, and I want two or three of my own. But knowing I cannot carry them is a huge blow to my heart.

I don't know what advice to offer in terms of having children... The situation is completely unfair and raw, but it's what we've been dealt. I will find a way to be a mom, and I'm sure you will too.

Regarding the other predicament... I'm so sorry. I suspect you will have to come clean with him sooner rather than later.

One more thing. I understand the many reasons we don't disclose our past to those around us, but please don't let being trans become something you despise or hate. I'm not saying you are, but if you are, you're setting yourself up to take the heaviest of blows if you're ever called out or bailed up about it. Being trans is part of who you are, along with everything else that gives you depth. Don't let it be a thorn, even if it hurts.

xx

I have pretty much given up being able to have kids as a woman. I've heard of all kinds of nutjob methods where they implant a test tube baby into some kind of artificially crafted womb into your abdominal cavity, etc. Some people like to think through medical science we'll actually be able to procreate soon as our desired gender but in my country we're not even viewed as people yet.

I understand, certainly that's how I felt during my first attempt at transition when I was 24. It was distressing and depressing that I knew I'd never bear a child. To be honest though it isn't helpful to dwell on it. There are somethings that just aren't a scientific reality yet and tearing ourselves apart over it makes us more miserable than we need to be. It's the wisdom to know the things you can't change.

I feel the same. Guess i will finish my studies. Gather some money over a few years and start throwing money at some experimental clinics.
Maybe someone will manage to grew an uterus and ovaries from my stem cells. It's worth a try at least and if it's successful, maybe it'll become a more common procedure for transwoman some day.

Quote from: Railgun on November 20, 2014, 04:02:20 AM
I feel the same. Guess i will finish my studies. Gather some money over a few years and start throwing money at some experimental clinics.
Maybe someone will manage to grew an uterus and ovaries from my stem cells. It's worth a try at least and if it's successful, maybe it'll become a more common procedure for transwoman some day.

And as a trans woman, you'll be last on anyone's list for this kind of treatment.. The research being done is all aimed at cis women with reproductive issues and any experimental clinic will want cis women - as any results they might get from you would be valueless as far as their aims go..

You got me wrong. There would be no reason for me to throw money at them if there would be no benefit for me or other transwomen.
I'll of course speak with them and assisst their research with money if their willing to look also in the direction of benefits for transwoman.

I'm far from studying something unprofitable and i'm already working in a world wide operating company for a few years. And money can, as you know, "influence decissions".

Would have been nice... if I'd been born the real me 

L Katy

Accepting I would never be a parent was something that came early on for me.. And then my partner died and her eldest daughter adopted me. So now I'm a mum and grandma - not something I ever thought would happen..

Wow Kelly... That's incredible, certainly would not have envisioned that happening heh?

L Katy

Quote from: katrinaw on November 20, 2014, 05:12:28 AM
Wow Kelly... That's incredible, certainly would not have envisioned that happening heh?

L Katy

Wasn't part of the plan. Mother of the Bride at her wedding was fun too..

 

I have dreams about carrying occasionally.

Weird dreams, but dreams nonetheless.

I envision uterine transplants within the next 20 years. But you'd need ovaries too, and ovaries which you wouldn't automatically reject without tons of medication I don't see being grown in a lab anytime soon. Without ovaries, you'd need to maintain a delicate balance of hormones, directly mimicking a genetic woman's body during the different stages of pregnancy. There's a crap load more to carrying a child than just having a sack of flesh there capable of holding a baby. Spontaneous abortions are common enough with cis women, I couldn't imagine how difficult it would be for a transwoman. I, for one, couldn't bear to have a miscarriage, let alone several.

You'd have to get a cesarean, too, so there's that.

Well it goes without saying that you'd need to mention the trans thing. To me there's no such thing as "marrying stealth" IMO unless you plan to put a LOT of work into it and have a lot of excuses.

As for kids, adopt. That's pretty much your only option. Cis women do it. Some even have their biological children then adopt. It was something my wife and I considered.

Speaking of which I've been to fertility clinics on many an occasion as a patient with my wife obviously. They do amazing things but many cis women are simply incapable of conceiving. I'm talking months of medicine and hormones to stimulate the ovaries and zero response. So you're really not alone in this regard. But I would absolutely put the cards on the table with being trans. That would save a lot of explaining as to why you can't conceive naturally. I know it sucks and it's not your fault but it's what you were dealt and life isn't perfect and unfortunately science isn't there yet to allow trans women to conceive (as cis women do).

Quote from: Hideyoshi on November 20, 2014, 05:50:48 AM
I envision uterine transplants within the next 20 years. But you'd need ovaries too, and ovaries which you wouldn't automatically reject without tons of medication I don't see being grown in a lab anytime soon. Without ovaries, you'd need to maintain a delicate balance of hormones, directly mimicking a genetic woman's body during the different stages of pregnancy. There's a crap load more to carrying a child than just having a sack of flesh there capable of holding a baby. Spontaneous abortions are common enough with cis women, I couldn't imagine how difficult it would be for a transwoman. I, for one, couldn't bear to have a miscarriage, let alone several.

It's already being done. Ovaries help but in fertility treatment for cis women they are able to use hormones and other drugs to mimic the pregnancy cycle. When we did it we had to basically inject different drugs on a schedule, but it worked. What we found is that timing is very important. We only had success when we injected at the same time every day on time. The body is funny like that. The issue is whether the gatekeepers would let us " play God" like that because there is a risk to an unborn human life. But I believe it is possible and not far off from the current state of medical science.

I guess I am one of the few who is happy to not being able to carry a baby.. probably watched too many alien movies to enjoy something kicking inside me > _ <.

It is tough, and unfair. But don't blame transition. I knew a girl who was been told on an early age she wouldn't ever be able to have her own kids. I knew it bothered her but you can't keep focussing on what you can't but make the best with what you can. Might sounds really cheesy now x_x. But well.. try to not worry too much about the negative.

I have a good few friends who are naturally infertile as well. One had a late puberty at 17 but she had her weight and smoking (she smoked since she was 13) to blame.

Quote from: Kirey on November 20, 2014, 07:26:49 AM
I guess I am one of the few who is happy to not being able to carry a baby.. probably watched too many alien movies to enjoy something kicking inside me > _ <.

They are Enough to put anyone off, right?

 I too always wanted to carry a baby to term. Hell I got jealous when my cis sister had her first monthly visitor. Crazy I know.

One of the things that help me is, researching my options available now. (came across the current scientific hopes) However more then I would like to carry a child, I want to be a mom, and that exstends to a mom to my parteners children. Thought a great deal about suregacey and even down the path of another child with my own banked dna, but I don't want his and hers children, and the fear that subcontiouse favouritisme might occur frightens me.

So considering donor egg, nuclieus implatation is not going to happen for centuries, and I'd be lucky to see wombe transplants available to trans persons in my life time, I pretty much had to come to the realisation that, beong mom to his children is achievable but bearing them isn't.

Sorry if this seams un carring,  it isn't. I just hope that focusing on the available science and not on how I feel about the (un available science) might be more helpfull for you