Well, I'm waiting to see how this plays out.

Today, we got a new employee in our section.  I was introduced to Marlene by my boss.  He said that Marlene, having video experience, would work with me from time to time on video projects and help me dig out from the backlog of work.

A little later, Boss came to me and asked if he could 'out' me before someone else did.  He did not want to let me do it, due to the dynamics with the section supervisor.  So, I assented (not wanting someone outside the section with an axe to grind 'dropping the bomb'.

Now, recently, at an all-hands meeting, I stood next to him.  He later commented to me that he now understood what I must go through, because with me staning next to him, he saw all the stares and looks I attracted.  Maybe he was getting educated...

Later, I asked him if he'd told her.  He said yes, but I was not to talk to her about it (because it would take productivity away from the workday mumble mumble mumble.)  Uh-oh, my spider sense is tingling.  So I pretty much avoided Marlene the rest of the day, figuring she'd need a little time to digest.

At the end of the day, the music played and I made for the door.  I remembered I'd forgotten to fill out some end-of-day paperwork, so I turned around and went back, just as the rest of the crew was exiting.  Boss asked where was I going (Don't! Go! Near! Her! Now! You! Fool!...) and i said I had to return to my office to fill out the paperwork.  Marlene saw me approach her and looked at me with a wide-eyed loathing sneer as she shied to the other side of the doorway.

Thanks, Boss.  This will be interesting. <sigh>

But, I'd still rather he told her than someone else wishing to grind an axe.

Karen

Karen, this sucks.  I don't know what else to say other than I can certainly commiserate with you.  Once Marlene gets to know you, she may realize just how wonderful you are.  It's sad that she has to overcome a biased first impression first.

Chin up... okay?

Cindi

Situations like this really get my goat.  Personally once a person is out at work management has no bussiness outting that person to new employees.  It is solely up to the employee to make this decision.

In the bussinees I'm employed the workforce is constantly changing, it just the nature of the bussiness, folks come and go.  However management does not reveal my past to anyone.  In some circles this can be constured as a form of harrassment.

Now I'm not so naive as to think that new employees don't find out about me from the others, but by the time that happens the new employees have had a chance to meet me and interact with me, and hopefully have discovered that I'm quite normal.  Based on this they have formed their own opinion (first impressions are lasting impressions).

One has to wonder the same in your situation Karen.  Had you had the opportunity to meet this person before the manager clumsily took the lead, could have resulted in a completely different reaction.

Just my thoughts.

Steph

Thanks, you two!   I do trust your voices in this.

My first therapist told me that when people find out about you, whatever they may say initially, you don't find out what they REALLY think until two weeks pass.

I'll give Marlene two weeks and see what happens.  I'll also give Boss this one more chance to get smart on how to handle this bit of knowledge - he means well, but between his naivety and the section supervisors' well-meaning righteousness, they have the potential to make situations worse rather than better. 

At any rate, I'm going to continue being myself and interacting with my co-workers (both the accepting and the not so...), and see how this all plays out.

Thanks for the encoragement

Karen

That sucks, Karen. I agree that it makes more sense to let the employee come out whenever he or she chooses, rather than to out them, but in your situation with your supervisor, you never know how that would've happened.

Hopefully she'll come around and find out you are the wonderful person you are.

Dennis

Quote from: Steph on October 16, 2007, 05:43:01 AM
One has to wonder the same in your situation Karen.  Had you had the opportunity to meet this person before the manager clumsily took the lead, could have resulted in a completely different reaction.

I agree, as it may have come across like your manager was "apologizing" for you in a way. He showed that HE was embarassed and uncomfortable enough to feel a need to explain the situation, and (especially being management) set a precedent that it's OK to feel that way.

I've only encountered one new employee (in the office anyway) since transitioning, and management told me there was no reason for them to "tell" anyone new anything more than, "This is Kate." A coworker "accidentally" outed me within a few hours, but the new employee and I have never spoken about it. I'm just Kate, and he's been fine with that. IMHO, what may have influenced his opinion more than anything was seeing that no one made a big deal about it. I'm sure he watched other's reactions to me, realized no one else cared, and just shrugged his shoulders and went with it too.

Now, if management had taken him aside that first day and in hushed whisper said, "Oh, let me explain about Kate..."

I agree with others though: although it may have started off on the wrong foot, in time she'll probably realize it's just no big deal and you'll get along fine. SOMEthing will happen to bond you two, like an emergency project that needs to be done or something.

~Kate~

Quote from: Karen on October 15, 2007, 11:34:36 PM
Well, I'm waiting to see how this plays out.

Today, we got a new employee in our section.  I was introduced to Marlene by my boss.  He said that Marlene, having video experience, would work with me from time to time on video projects and help me dig out from the backlog of work.

A little later, Boss came to me and asked if he could 'out' me before someone else did.  He did not want to let me do it, due to the dynamics with the section supervisor.  So, I assented (not wanting someone outside the section with an axe to grind 'dropping the bomb'.

Now, recently, at an all-hands meeting, I stood next to him.  He later commented to me that he now understood what I must go through, because with me staning next to him, he saw all the stares and looks I attracted.  Maybe he was getting educated...

Later, I asked him if he'd told her.  He said yes, but I was not to talk to her about it (because it would take productivity away from the workday mumble mumble mumble.)  Uh-oh, my spider sense is tingling.  So I pretty much avoided Marlene the rest of the day, figuring she'd need a little time to digest.

At the end of the day, the music played and I made for the door.  I remembered I'd forgotten to fill out some end-of-day paperwork, so I turned around and went back, just as the rest of the crew was exiting.  Boss asked where was I going (Don't! Go! Near! Her! Now! You! Fool!...) and i said I had to return to my office to fill out the paperwork.  Marlene saw me approach her and looked at me with a wide-eyed loathing sneer as she shied to the other side of the doorway.

Thanks, Boss.  This will be interesting. <sigh>

But, I'd still rather he told her than someone else wishing to grind an axe.

Karen

This entire situation, if it happened in California, should not have happened.  Same goes for any of the 12 states with trans protections, as non-disclosure of trans status, is part of these laws.

I know in DC, what he just did would have violated the law.  Here you cannot reveal trans-status and it is up to the trans person.

Basically this whole situation was not kosher. 

We've had one new person, a young man, start at work after I went full time.  I was able to tell when someone had told him because of the literal panic in his eyes when he walked past me soon after and I said hi.  He's gotten a bit more used to me since then but still has some obvious trouble when we encounter each other.

I was tempted to ask him how long it took before someone outed me to him but I figured it would probably just upset me so I left it alone.

New York State has no laws preventing management from outing me to new employees, as far as I know, but I doubt it was management who did it.

hugs & smiles
Emelye

To let everybody here off the hook a bit...

Marlene was much nicer and more controlled today.  She had overnight to digest the information, and saw me interacting with co-workers today as if there wasn't anything wrong with me.

We spoke a bit, it was cordial.  Boss outing me has certainly made it a bit more difficult.  I agree with whoever said management was embarrassed by me and worried about losing control.

The base is inside California, but is not subject to California laws.  It is federal property.  California laws don't count there.

Karen

Quote from: Karen on October 16, 2007, 10:57:28 PM
Marlene was much nicer and more controlled today.  She had overnight to digest the information, and saw me interacting with co-workers today as if there wasn't anything wrong with me.

Karen

I am glad it went well Karen, I find the choice of words above somewhat surprising as if you or other people think there is something wrong with you.

If that is the perception of people it needs changing quickly.

Rebecca

Quote from: Karen on October 16, 2007, 10:57:28 PM
To let everybody here off the hook a bit...

Marlene was much nicer and more controlled today.  She had overnight to digest the information, and saw me interacting with co-workers today as if there wasn't anything wrong with me.

We spoke a bit, it was cordial.  Boss outing me has certainly made it a bit more difficult.  I agree with whoever said management was embarrassed by me and worried about losing control.

The base is inside California, but is not subject to California laws.  It is federal property.  California laws don't count there.

Karen

Karen, the base is in California.... but aren't you working for a private contractor?  Is not that contractor bound by state laws?

The next time something similar comes up, just let your manager know that you consider this behavior to be somewhat condescending and harassing.

In any case, make sure that you write down everything you can remember about this encounter in your notebook you keep at home.

Cindi

Hi, Karen,

I read your account of things and everyone else's postings and I an observation that might be helpful to you.

Call a labor relations lawyer.  Some specialize in gender law in the federal courts and the state courts.  I had to do it to prevent getting screwed without so much as a wilted rose on my pillow.  It cost me some serious bucks but it was worth it.  The first consultation is usually free.

I hope that this helps because your management is full of loose gear adrift that can do far more harm than good.

On a side note, there was a new employee hired where I used to work, after I was full-time me.  She was introduced to me and I am not sure that anyone told her about my transition.

We got on fine and eventually the subject of my personal life came up, and I told her myself because I wanted to see what would happen.  We became close friends at work.  I went to the mat for her and called EEO on my "boss" for slamming the door on my friend's office (hers was next to mine) and started banging on the desk and yelling.  I blew the whistle on him.  His boss, another woman, wrote a long disciplinary memo and it's in his file.

I felt good afterward.

Wishing you the best,

Wing Walker

Hum... next time the boss trys to help you out by outing you, just tell him no thanks.  You should have just been introduced as Karen. Yes someone else would have outed you to the newbe, but the boss should have been supportive.

I've had a number of new people start at work and I meet and deal with clients other professionals and contractors (the ones with hard hats) on a regular basis.  I can tell when some guesss I might not have always been a woman, but the vast majority just treat me as me.

Best of luck Karen breaking in the newbe.

Beni

I work in several offices with 130 women now. I doubt a secret like that would stay secret for long. Good gossip is just too hard to keep in ya know?