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How have you defined your sexual orientation?

Started by Vestyn, November 19, 2014, 07:15:43 AM

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Dread_Faery

Quote from: HexenPixi on November 20, 2014, 12:00:06 PM
I'm in love with a (cis) girl. Most of my physical attraction is for other women (both lesbian and bisexual) and I identify as a demigirl, so sometimes I feel like "lesbian" is appropriate for me, and other times, "queer" feels right. I've found myself also attracted to and flirt with non-binary identified people as well. So it's all very fluid. I think orientation is very subjective and what is important is what makes you feel comfortable.

I feel similar, lesbian doesn't always feel like it fits, so queer feels more comfortable.
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Susan522

Just curious.  What is a 'demi-girl'?  I found this by googling the term"

"A demigirl is someone who only partially (not wholly) identifies as a girl or woman, whatever their assigned gender at birth.[1] They may or may not identify as another gender[2] in addition to feeling partially a girl or woman.

Alternatively, demigirl can be used to describe someone assigned female at birth who feels but the barest association with that identification, though not a significant enough dissociation to create real physical discomfort or dysphoria, or someone assigned male at birth who is trans feminine but not wholly binary-identified, so that they feel more strongly associated with "female" than "male," socially or physically, but not strongly enough to justify an absolute self-identification as "woman".[3]

References
1.↑ http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/55798-definitions-master-list/ AVEN: Definitions Master List
2.↑ http://genderqueeries.tumblr.com/identities Gender Queeries: Some Genderqueer Identities
3.↑ http://genderqueerid.com/gq-terms'

It just sounds to me that not only sexual dimorphism has gone out the window, but now gender has followed suit.  Or maybe it is the other way around.   ???

On the other hand...again from Google:  "Queer is an umbrella term for sexual and gender minorities that are not heterosexual, or gender-binary. Originally meaning strange or peculiar, queer developed a usage as a pejorative term for homosexual in the late 19th century. Beginning in the late 1980s, some political and social LGBT groups began to reappropriate the word to establish community and assert a political identity, with it becoming the preferred term to describe some academic disciplines and gaining use as a descriptor of non-heterosexual identities.[1] Queer may be used by those who reject traditional gender identities as a broader, less conformist, and deliberately ambiguous alternative to LGBT.

No wonder nobody except those on the "inside", actually understand
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androgynouspainter26

Actually Susan, I think using the word queer actually simplifies things.  Traditional sexual and gender rolls are beginning to dissolve more and more today; among young people, and this is a very good thing when you look and just how restrictive socioity has been in the past...within the queer community, this is just happening faster.  So many people don't want to limit themselvs to one sort of person, because they've realized that actually, it IS ok to just do whatever you'd like.  So, gender aside, queer is a lot easier to understand than gay or straight.  Queer is anyone who doesn't fit into the traditional sexual and gender roles that have been laid out before us...and among my generation, the number of people who identify as such is rapidly growing.
My gender problem isn't half as bad as society's.  Although mine is still pretty bad.
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Susan522

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on November 23, 2014, 01:04:34 PM
Actually Susan, I think using the word queer actually simplifies things.  Traditional sexual and gender rolls are beginning to dissolve more and more today; among young people, and this is a very good thing when you look and just how restrictive socioity has been in the past...within the queer community, this is just happening faster.  So many people don't want to limit themselvs to one sort of person, because they've realized that actually, it IS ok to just do whatever you'd like.  So, gender aside, queer is a lot easier to understand than gay or straight.  Queer is anyone who doesn't fit into the traditional sexual and gender roles that have been laid out before us...and among my generation, the number of people who identify as such is rapidly growing.

While I might agree that this might be happening faster within the queer community, I am far from convinced that this is a good thing.  In addition I do not see our Western Society as being overly restrictive, especially when compared to other culture in our world.
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Dread_Faery

Queer as an identity is as much political as it is a way of describing a way of being. It sticks two fingers up cissexist hetronormativity and reclaims a word once used as a slur.
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sreematidutta

I defined that I am not probably sexually oriented at all. ::)

I am 30 and I have never in real life found another person 'hot'. Used to bother me seriously.But nowadays my own identity became so complicated that sexual orientation doesn't trouble me anymore.
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androgynouspainter26

Well, you may not think it's good, but like it or not, this is the future we are headed towards-and personally, It gives me hope for humanity.  Few things have caused us as much grief as a species as the constructs surrounding gender.
My gender problem isn't half as bad as society's.  Although mine is still pretty bad.
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HexenPixi

Quote from: Susan522 on November 22, 2014, 02:34:07 PM
Just curious.  What is a 'demi-girl'?  I found this by googling the term"

"A demigirl is someone who only partially (not wholly) identifies as a girl or woman, whatever their assigned gender at birth.[1] They may or may not identify as another gender[2] in addition to feeling partially a girl or woman.

Alternatively, demigirl can be used to describe someone assigned female at birth who feels but the barest association with that identification, though not a significant enough dissociation to create real physical discomfort or dysphoria, or someone assigned male at birth who is trans feminine but not wholly binary-identified, so that they feel more strongly associated with "female" than "male," socially or physically, but not strongly enough to justify an absolute self-identification as "woman".[3]

References
1.↑ http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/55798-definitions-master-list/ AVEN: Definitions Master List
2.↑ http://genderqueeries.tumblr.com/identities Gender Queeries: Some Genderqueer Identities
3.↑ http://genderqueerid.com/gq-terms'

It just sounds to me that not only sexual dimorphism has gone out the window, but now gender has followed suit.  Or maybe it is the other way around.   ???

On the other hand...again from Google:  "Queer is an umbrella term for sexual and gender minorities that are not heterosexual, or gender-binary. Originally meaning strange or peculiar, queer developed a usage as a pejorative term for homosexual in the late 19th century. Beginning in the late 1980s, some political and social LGBT groups began to reappropriate the word to establish community and assert a political identity, with it becoming the preferred term to describe some academic disciplines and gaining use as a descriptor of non-heterosexual identities.[1] Queer may be used by those who reject traditional gender identities as a broader, less conformist, and deliberately ambiguous alternative to LGBT.

No wonder nobody except those on the "inside", actually understand

I think the word means different things depending on the person and how they identify. In my case, I identify as a female sometimes and non-binary other times; it fluctuates.
"Eisbär ... müssen nie weinen ... "
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Susan522

Quote from: HexenPixi on November 24, 2014, 12:52:10 PM
I think the word means different things depending on the person and how they identify. In my case, I identify as a female sometimes and non-binary other times; it fluctuates.

And therein lies the problem.  How is one to communicate, carry on a conversation, or even understand one anther, if the meaning of words is variable/changeable/optional and/or "depending".  Sure context is one thing as in "running a machine" or "running for exercise".  But terms like "demi", (which means partial or incomplete), or "trans", (another antonym which is often misused and consequently misunderstood)....should IMHO have clearly understood and agreed upon means.

Otherwise chaos ensues and peoples get their feeling hurt, and I end up in the penalty box >:(   
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helen2010

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on November 24, 2014, 11:46:29 AM
Well, you may not think it's good, but like it or not, this is the future we are headed towards-and personally, It gives me hope for humanity.  Few things have caused us as much grief as a species as the constructs surrounding gender.
I agree and am also frustrated that folk continue to seek a rigid taxonomy that does not shift, adapt and change to reflect common usage.  If the terms used have meaning within the context of that conversation this is usually enough.   Clarity may be sought if confusion is felt.  Nothing more than common courtesy really.  I have never really understood a vexatious focus on words and terms rather than on seeking to listen, to observe, to reflect, to understand and to support.  But as they say, different strokes for different folk.  Motivation is often unclear.

Safe travels

Aisla
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HexenPixi

Quote from: Susan522 on November 24, 2014, 03:09:53 PM

And therein lies the problem.  How is one to communicate, carry on a conversation, or even understand one anther, if the meaning of words is variable/changeable/optional and/or "depending".  Sure context is one thing as in "running a machine" or "running for exercise".  But terms like "demi", (which means partial or incomplete), or "trans", (another antonym which is often misused and consequently misunderstood)....should IMHO have clearly understood and agreed upon means.

Otherwise chaos ensues and peoples get their feeling hurt, and I end up in the penalty box >:(

I guess I just don't really concern myself with what the "social norms" think of my identity. Of course when I go to the doctor to access medical care, I have to conceal the "fluidity" in my identity because society hasn't grasped that part yet. It's all in the eye of the beholder in the end, and I personally don't really care what people think. I know who I am, no one can change that.
"Eisbär ... müssen nie weinen ... "
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helen2010

Quote from: HexenPixi on November 25, 2014, 11:28:41 AM
I guess I just don't really concern myself with what the "social norms" think of my identity. Of course when I go to the doctor to access medical care, I have to conceal the "fluidity" in my identity because society hasn't grasped that part yet. It's all in the eye of the beholder in the end, and I personally don't really care what people think. I know who I am, no one can change that.
In the end having understood and accepted yourself I think that the only imperative is to authentically express yourself.  It really is about your narrative and your life.  If folk were less concerned with what others think they would be more likely to identify and to realise opportunities to access all qualities, attributes and nuance whether they appear to be pink or blue, M or F.  Very few folk consider themselves 100 per cent masculine or feminine and I am beginning to suspect that a significant group have some degree of gender fluidity.  It is then up to the individual as to just how much they choose to share or to express in their interactions with others. 

Safe travels

Aisla
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JulieBlair

I get so very confused in these threads  :P  I am a woman who has no intention of throwing away what she learned and experienced in a previous life.  I am attracted to people men and women cis and trans who are whole, loving, and generous of spirit.

My doctor, my shrink, some of my friends look at me askance at times and I flow through pronouns like a stream through the forest.  Ripples and rapids are to be expected.  The language is imprecise, but then so am I.

What is more important and more interesting to me is that I live and love authentically and honestly. Gender and Sexual identification is bimodal, and I seem to roll up and down between the humps.  That is both okay and as it should be.

Peace,
Julie
I am my own best friend and my own worst enemy.  :D
Full Time 18 June 2014
Esprit can be found at http://espritconf.com/
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HexenPixi

Quote from: JulieBlair on November 25, 2014, 02:47:18 PM
I get so very confused in these threads  :P  I am a woman who has no intention of throwing away what she learned and experienced in a previous life.  I am attracted to people men and women cis and trans who are whole, loving, and generous of spirit.

My doctor, my shrink, some of my friends look at me askance at times and I flow through pronouns like a stream through the forest.  Ripples and rapids are to be expected.  The language is imprecise, but then so am I.

What is more important and more interesting to me is that I live and love authentically and honestly. Gender and Sexual identification is bimodal, and I seem to roll up and down between the humps.  That is both okay and as it should be.

Peace,
Julie

Beautifully said!   :)
"Eisbär ... müssen nie weinen ... "
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Brenda E

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on November 19, 2014, 08:26:33 PM
I just use the word "queer", since sex isn't really my thing and I guess it carries more weight to it than pansexual.  Pansexuality is an orientation, but queer is a shared cultural identity, of liking whoever we damn well please!

Quite a nuanced way of describing things.  I like it.
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arimoose

Hetero, why I lived as a monk for the majority of my life, I couldn't express myself. However, and here's where it gets weird, my wife of 12 years is hum....a cross dresser, or let's say male who presents as female, and so well that even in the hospital in icu, the staff and doctors referred to her as "she". Confused? Lol.  I've always been the man in the relationship. Even in bed. Wink

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arimoose

Let me follow that up by saying I grew up with glam rock, and I'm still living in the 70s, I guess, so I really dig this new freedom, and I really appreciate how far society has come.

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helen2010

Quote from: arimoose on November 25, 2014, 04:47:26 PM
Hetero, why I lived as a monk for the majority of my life, I couldn't express myself. However, and here's where it gets weird, my wife of 12 years is hum....a cross dresser, or let's say male who presents as female, and so well that even in the hospital in icu, the staff and doctors referred to her as "she". Confused? Lol.  I've always been the man in the relationship. Even in bed. Wink

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Excellent.  Fluidity is a very good thing. Apparent role reversal is often liberating and empowering to both parties.
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Balerie

When I'm male I'm heterosexual and when I'm female I'm lesbian though I sometimes feel a strong sexual attraction to other non cis individuals. I guess I'm bi curious.




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