Ok so its been a while since I've been on the forums here. I think like over 4 months or something like that. I wanted to give everyone a quick update on how things are going so far and maybe to give some hope as well. I've read so many posts where people worry about how they will look if they end up transiting later in life. Ill admit i was petrified when i started. I was absolutely convinced that i would never pass. That all anyone would ever see is a man in drag or any number of insulting combinations. I started my transition at age 33.
Before~late 2013
 | After~early August 2014
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Now ill be honest the after was when i was at a weight of 256 and before was around 263. also the after is when i was only 4 months hrt. I haven't taken any new pics just been a little too busy but i will soon. Here's why i'm looking forward to my new pics. I've lost 30 lbs. to start, and i'm closer to 8 months now for hrt. i think my voice still is terrible but when i finally got the courage to record myself i still sounded very deep but i did sound at least somewhat female. i was shocked. I know it took me seven and a half months to finally record it. i think it took so long because it is one of my main triggers. Also one thing that is making some things easier is the VA is going out of their way to help me with what they can. All i had to do was let my VA counselor know how much of a trigger it was and she recommended sending a message to my general doc. So i did and the next thing i know i have an appointment with a speech therapist through the VA. Now she admits she knows nothing about treating an individual like me with the goal of getting a woman's voice instead of a mans but she is willing to learn and coordinate with others to get the information. she's reviewed all of the YouTube vid's i sent her the links to as well as any web pages. It will be slow but there is progress. I can say in other areas
i can wear a 38c right now. I hope for some more development or at least some filling out still kinda have the cone thing going on.
So as far as my relationship my wife and i are going slowly, we are kind of in a separation, all of my clothes are in a different room and i occasionally sleep on the couch. we did this so she had a room of her own where she can figure herself out and not have everything that is me staring her in the face. it has help a ton. She admits she has a long way to go to fully accept everything but she is trying, and i am not worried about waiting for her to figure it out because i'm kinda doing the same. learning to be Phylicia. I had a rough time learning about phylicia and philip. i would say for about a month i ended up crying myself to sleep almost every night. It was me mourning the loss of "him" . It sounds weird saying i was mourning myself but its the most accurate way of describing it. I know before i always felt conflicted like they were both there, one side sad for everything that i saw that i was loosing, and one side happy for what i was getting. After that month i don't feel the "other side" anymore. I feel like i've accepted the woman i was becoming and let go of the man i was. during that month all it took was a memory to get me crying like crazy. Like one i can think of was just picturing him sleeping next to my wife, just that and i was crying hard. but now i feel a little sad but its different now.
On a better note i was finally about to get a job. That was a whole new experience for me. I had several interviews, a couple for small jobs like gas station attendant, one for a position with a computer company tech support, Quick side note i had almost double the certs that they were looking for so i was more than qualified, and i know i didn't get the job because i'm female. All of the other workers were male, and they only called me because i haven't been able to get my name changed so they thought i was male also. i figured this out because of like 15 people there for the interview i was the only female(don't know f i was "read" or not). I finally got hired on at Target. Its a minimum wage job but they have the Gender identity and expression clauses in the EEO policy. I have to admit i thought i didn't pass at all when i went in for the job, but after i got hired when i was talking to HR i told them and she looked at and said "Really?". She had no idea so i guess i pass better than i thought. I can say that after i told her she had a meeting with the GSTL's GSTA's, and the management. They have been extremely protective over me and i feel blessed working there. One example is i checked out 2 of my former bosses that didn't know about my transition and it unnerved me a lot they used my old name, but were friendly. It was a situation i wasn't prepared for and i let the GSTL know and she asked if i needed a moment then she told me to take a moment get a drink then come back. And HR has told told me if anyone even a customer says something to let them know and they'll take care of it. The only real negative things i have had happen are some customer sir me but i know its mainly when they hear me but do not see me. I've had one mother and child where the kid asked why i sound like a boy and she said that i just have a wonderful deep woman's voice. (Parenting done right) I had another one same situation but the mother responded "Because HE'S confused honey". ( Parenting done wrong) I can say that as a cashier i see and talk to a large amount of people and I've only had i think only 2 negative experiences in the time I've been working there a little over 2 months.
Ok so things i'm working on now, I'm making a YouTube video where i'm trying to let someone else walk a mile in my shoes, It's not too fancy and i'm trying to get people to better understand trans individuals, Its literally just slides with situations and experiences I've gone through but with anything that points to it relating to a transgender individual is intentionally left out and only added at the end. I figured if they could understand what I went through, and in some way experience through the video, that they might understand better. If anyone wants the link once i'm done just PM me.
I am also slowly working on my transition video tracking down all of my pics is crazy, got almost 5000 actual pics on paper that are not digital so its a slow process.
Also one project I've completed is i have made a self hoasted donation site. I will not go into details here if you want more info please PM me.
So finally my question for everyone
Which ways have you saved for your transition? Or if you were able to get insurance to pay for it how did you do it?
I'm asking because i'm 8 months in and i haven't been able to even get my name changed. It's difficult for a family of 5 to save any money let alone around $250 for the name change or 160 a month for hair removal, and while i'm making nice progress every little "man" thing causes some degree of dysphoria.
Any pointers would be most appreciated and once i get some new pics ill put them in the comments.
~Phylicia
