Wanna know what sucks? Encountering trans persons who minimize the validity of the TDoR, cissexism, transphobia, and the privilege of "passing."

Somebody tell me again why I'm supposed to tell allies to sit down and shut up.

I hear ya. I find it disgusting when I see people try to tear down a movement that's benefiting them. They're so clueless it's infuriating.

You can find cool people and a*holes in every group.  We do have our share of both.

 

Tread softly as this topic is being looked at to determine if it will remain under TOS.

5. The posting of messages on the chat or forums which are of a threatening tone; intended solely to communicate sarcasm, contempt, or derision; are intended to belittle or ridicule a person or group; to disgust the viewer; contain obscene or pornographic materials; which are intended to titillate; or which depicts illegal acts; will not be permitted.

It's hard to get, but once you have it...I'd call it a position of privilege.  It makes me sad that so many people don't realize how lucky they are.  Try living visably, and see how poorly people treat you...

I'm not using the word "privilege" as a pejorative. It's simply a fact: being able to "pass" can have the effect of blending in with non-trans persons and, thus, remove one possible type of threat of violence.

I have privilege in that I'm white. The TDoR has shown that trans women of color are at far greater risk of violence than I am. I have privilege in that I have access to HRT medications. I have further privilege in that the medical professionals I work with are very trans friendly. I have the privilege of a partner who's willing to support me while I go to school. Many other trans persons don't have that privilege.

"Privilege" is very real, and can manifest in various ways. It only becomes a problem when one expects to be treated better than those without privilege.

Constance, I'll have to admit that I'm not a fan of TDoR. We basically get one a day a year to command the attention of the cis world. True, "stop killing us" is a good message, but I think there are more effective ways to trumpet our humanity rather than reading a list of names. Would be more effective to have cis folks get to know us as human beings and learn that we share their cares, interests, and hopes.

That being said, it's better than having no day at all, and victims of violence, cis or trans, deserve to be in our memories.

I feel that trans people are really between a rock and a hard place.

We want to be our affirmed gender, so much so that we medically transition and even go under the knife. We want to be seen as women (MtF) or men (FtM). Some people want an in between but we are not really talking about them since they won't be stealth.

We also want to be accepted by society. We want to affirm being transgender as being a normal thing (it is) even though some in society think we are freaks.

It's a really fine line to walk, and I can understand why stealth folks won't speak up.

If stealth folks don't want to speak up, that's perfectly fine. There are very valid reasons for being stealth. Coming out and being out can threaten one's career, home, and physical safety.

What I object to is when stealth persons speak out against those of us who are not stealth. I'm out, and I've accepted the risks that go along with that. I don't begrudge anyone who chooses do what they need to in order to avoid those risks. But I don't appreciate when they turn around and tell me I'm threatening my own safety. It's very much like telling women how they need to act to avoid being raped.

Trans persons are not the cause of anti-trans violence. It is not incumbent upon us to act differently so that we won't be attacked and killed for being ourselves. It is incumbent upon our attackers to change their behavior.

Quote from: suzifrommd on November 25, 2014, 06:42:22 AM
Constance, I'll have to admit that I'm not a fan of TDoR. We basically get one a day a year to command the attention of the cis world. True, "stop killing us" is a good message, but I think there are more effective ways to trumpet our humanity rather than reading a list of names. Would be more effective to have cis folks get to know us as human beings and learn that we share their cares, interests, and hopes.

That being said, it's better than having no day at all, and victims of violence, cis or trans, deserve to be in our memories.

I can't exactly say that I enjoy the TDoR either, especially now that I'm in seminary. I'm a Wiccan high priest and am in training to become a Christian minister. This means that I'm a person to whom others will turn for pastoral care and priesting with regards to the TDoR. It's a heavy responsibility, and my prayers are that I'm strong enough for the challenge.

In these past 2 years, I've assisted with 3 TDoR memorial services. In each of these, cis persons have approached me and the others who were ministering indicating we've touched them and have found new allies. I take these things to heart.

But you're right about the Reading of the Names. It's not good enough. This is one of the reasons I use the hashtag #tdoriseveryday in various online media. Until cissexism and transphobia are overcome, the TDoR will be every day for me.

This was my first year of NOT being a TDOR organizer here in Montgomery County, Maryland.

We have always done it a bit differently.  Ours is a Transgender Day of Remembrance and Action.  We use it to promote something to help the living.  Whether that is a theme of urging people to unify and stand together or any other.  We also have followed it up every year with some form of social interaction.  This lets the broader community get to know actual trans* people and provides everyone an opportunity to discuss the experience.  It's a step in the process of community building.  And when we build communities, we need to build more than a trans* community.  We need to build a community that is sensitive to our needs but inclusive of cis people too.

Quote from: ThePhoenix on November 25, 2014, 10:27:04 PM
And when we build communities, we need to build more than a trans* community.  We need to build a community that is sensitive to our needs but inclusive of cis people too.

And the people said, "AMEN!"